He fucks me harder once my orgasm begins to wane. He doesn’t stop, not even when he sinks inside of me so deep that I feel like he’ll split me in two. I try to spin around out of instinct and push him away.
Instantly, Carter stops. Barely keeping himself inside of me, he tells me with a cold gaze, “Keep your hands down.” There’s no desire in his voice, no sense of mercy or love. Nothing but anger that I’ve dared to push him away.
It’s a shock to my system. Seeing him like that while I feel nothing but desire and love is sobering. An icy gust sweeps through me even as he changes his expression, softening it and gently pushing my shoulders back to the bed.
“It’s too much,” I whisper and although the pain is gone, the intensity of what we had has vanished.
“Lie back down,” he commands me in a way that leaves a deep fracture in my heart. I can hear it splinter as I return my cheek to the pillow.
He doesn’t touch me again; he doesn’t resume fucking me. He doesn’t allow himself to cum.
Instead, he gets up and moves away from me. I try to keep from crying as the pleasure from my orgasm withers to nothing while he enters the bathroom and flicks on the light.
I feel alone in this moment, broken and used. Utterly alone. It reminds me of the last time we were together, of him tying me up and not fucking me. Instead he left me after torturing the truth out of me.
Is that all this was? More torture?
I stay still as he wipes me down and returns to the bathroom. My chest feels hollow and it’s hard to swallow. Maybe I didn’t lose him tonight. Maybe I lost him that night when I told him I would never forgive him. Maybe I lost him the moment I picked up the gun and I’ve only just now seen it.
All I know right now is that I feel like I’ve lost him.
Refusing to cry, I bite the inside of my cheek and listen to him walk back to the bed after turning off the light. The bed creaks as he gets in beside me. He doesn’t crawl under the sheets he laid on top of me, and I don’t move from where I am. I’ll wait for him.
He loves me. I know he loves me, but why does it feel like he doesn’t at all? Why do I feel like I’m lying to myself?
“I love you,” I whisper and chance a look at him. The sun has risen and he can’t hide in the darkness. His eyes are tired and his face looks older than it ever has before.
I watch his throat bob as he lies back in the bed and says nothing. He says nothing.
More silence. And that’s the last bit I can take.
Licking my dry lips, I realize his intention was simply to hurt me, at least in that moment I turned around, the moment where it was too much. I’m quick to get up and move away from him, pushing the sheets aside.
His grip is hot, burning into me as he wraps a strong hand around my hip and pulls me into his hard, chiseled chest.
“You know I care for you.” He says the words sternly, but he doesn’t look at me. Not at first. The pounding in my chest rises to my throat until his eyes find mine, swirling with pain.
The chaos warps and twists inside of me. I’m hurting for him, a man who feels betrayed and doesn’t know what to do because every time life has given him a challenger, he’s simply murdered them, yet here I stand.
But I’m also in pain. For falling for a man so merciless and heartless as Carter.
“Don’t ever do that again,” I say, barely keeping my voice from breaking. “Don’t ever treat me like I’m nothing to you.”
“Is that a threat?” he asks, still not looking at me.
“No. Not a threat, a promise. Carter, look at me.” My voice sharpens and his eyes find mine. “If you ever do that again, I’ll leave you.” It takes everything in me to tell him that, because I know it’s true. And I’m worried it will happen. It feels so close to being inevitable.
“Do what exactly?” he asks me, daring to play as if he doesn’t know. As if he doesn’t realize how much he’s hurt me tonight.
“Fuck me just to prove how willing I am for you to have me. Walk by me as if I’m meaningless in your life.” I nearly choke on my last words, remembering how I felt in the foyer. “Treat me like I’m not worth sparing a glance.”
“First, I wanted you. I fucked you because I wanted you.” His tone is sharp until he adds, “But something… changed.”