I turn toward the voice and see Rachel in the doorway. “Are you all right?” she asks.
“Yup,” I lie, keeping my voice low so as not to wake Penny. “Why wouldn’t I be?” I leave the room, closing the door behind me. “You know parties aren’t really my scene, so I came up to see the kids.”
Rachel cocks her head to one side and gives me a look that says she knows I’m full of shit. “Liz just left. What did you say to her? She was…She looked miserable.”
I breathe through the ache in my chest.
I never stopped loving you.
She’s inside my head, holding my heart, unwilling to let go, and I’m a willing slave, unable to push her away.
“I have no idea why that would be,” I say lightly, trying to smile, but failing spectacularly. “I think I need another drink.”
Rachel puts a hand on my arm. “Aidan, I know you think you’re punishing her, but she’s not the only one who’s suffering.”
I don’t reply. I give her a thin smile and return downstairs. The party is almost over, and after one more drink, I leave for home, battling the ghosts of Liz’s words as they repeat in my head over and over.
I never stopped loving you.
The rest of the weekend passes in a blur of obsessing about Liz and torturing myself with images of us together, like we used to be. I tell myself I’m an asshole for pushing her away, then convince myself she deserves it. By the time I got to rehearsals on Monday, I’m a wreck.
I walk into the auditorium from the back of the stage. There are people everywhere, cast members and crew, but my eyes are only for Liz. She’s standing in the middle of the stage, listening to Todd read lines he’s trying to memorize. She draws me to her somehow. I’m not even aware I’m going to her until I’m standing right beside her.
She stiffens and angles her body away from me, focusing on Todd and keeping her attention on him even when he stops reading and waves at me.
“Hey, Aidan.”
“Todd.” I nod at him. Beside me, Liz stays quiet.
Why do I want to grab hold of her, right here, in front of all these people, and make her tell me again that she loves me?
Because I want her with a desperation I have no words to articulate.
And I want to punish her for making me hope.
Our chapter closed a long time ago, Liz. Why won’t you let it go?
Why can’t I?
Reluctantly, I pull my attention from her and find a seat. Rehearsals start, and I watch the performers intently, trying to block out everything but the form the story is taking.
Liz is doing an emotional scene, and in that moment, she stops being Liz. She becomes a young mother, battling depression, trying not to blame the people she loves even as cracks appear in all her relationships.
She’s incredible to watch. She looks like she would shatter into pieces right there on stage, give the audience exactly what the story says, send them home with an experience they won’t forget.
The scene ends and her eyes find mine, holding my gaze only for a moment before sliding away.
Has she given up on me?
The possibility fills me with an acute sense of loss.
Is this the end for us, Liz? The question is a silent echo in my head. Is this the end?
We finish early, and as the cast members leave the stage, I get a message from Debra.
You have a visitor. Your office.
Who?