Claire. You want me to tell her to leave?
I think about it, then reply in the negative.
I’m already feeling like an asshole over my last conversation with Liz. The least I can do is not be an asshole to Claire.
Claire is waiting outside my office. She greets me with a friendly smile, almost as if our last conversation never happened. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I reply, unlocking my door and letting her in. Just before I close the door, I see Liz on her way to her dressing room. Our eyes meet, only for a second, then she looks away, but not before I see a flash of something in her eyes. Jealousy? Hurt?
Why do I feel so guilty?
I should want to hurt her for what she did to me.
Instead, I want to apologize for causing her pain.
Fuck me.
“I’m sorry for the other day,” Claire is saying. “I don’t know what came over me. I was jealous, I guess.”
“You don’t have to apologize.” We are at a lounge close to the theater. The music is good. Not too loud, just lively enough to allow a conversation.
“No, I do.” She sighs. “You’re not a bad guy, Aidan. It’s not like you ever promised me anything more than casual fun. It’s not fair for me to blame you because I started wanting more.”
In that moment, I wish more than anything that I can push Liz out of my mind and give myself a chance with Claire, or anyone else.
But I can’t. Not as long as even the memory of Liz exists.
I’ve known that for years. Yet, I keep fighting her.
Why?
I never stopped loving you.
Liz.
She will burn me to ashes.
And I want to let her.
Because I’m still in love with her.
“You don’t have to apologize,” I repeat. Claire looks at me with wet eyes, and I know she wants me to say more, to say I want to try again, that I’m open to more casual fun.
But there’s no room for that, or for her.
Only Liz.
I place some money on the table for the drinks then rise to my feet. “I need to get back to the theater. I have some…business to take care of.”
A look of disappointment crosses her face. “I guess.”
Outside, I shove my hands in my pockets and start to walk. What am I doing? I don’t know. I just know I want to see Liz. I want to talk to her. Even if we fight or argue, the hope that we’l
l come to some sort of resolution, that I won’t lose her again this time…it’s too much for me to ignore.
It’s silent inside the theater with most people gone for the day. I head for Liz’s dressing room, hoping she’s still around.
Tell me again that you never stopped loving me.