She came apart in his arms, her body writhing against his, and thank God, he held onto her, covered her mouth with his. Wave after wave rippled over her, longer and more drawn out until the force of it left her limp and replete in his arms.
In some distant part of her brain, she realized his face was in her neck now as his arms convulsed around her, his hoarse groan of completion sending a fresh tingle along her oversensitive skin.
She held onto him, or maybe they just held onto each other and let the crate behind her support them. As the sweat dried on her body, she knew time was passing. Their time together was passing. Physically and emotionally she was completely hollowed out. Unable to form thoughts, walk another step.
Withstand another loss.
Losing Joshua today had almost been more than she could take. She wasn’t sure how she could stand to let go of Hugh when the time came to step on that plane and leave him behind.
Chapter 19
His release still shuddering through him, Hugh held onto Amelia, or maybe she held him up. He wasn’t sure, as the aftermath of their explosive sex left him on shaky ground. So he dragged in breath after ragged breath, still buried inside Amelia while resting his forehead against the splintery crate.
Right now, he would give just about anything for a bed where they could both lie quietly while he got his head together regarding what had just happened. Because the olive green canopy and the dirt floor just weren’t cutting it. He and Amelia had been through a lot, slept together, been through even more, but still, something different had happened here. A connection had formed. He’d lost his heart to a woman before, and he knew what sex with love was like.
It was different from sex just for sex’s sake, different on some kind of transcendent plane that he couldn’t explain, but God, he recognized it well. He’d felt that distinction while making love to Amelia.
He fit her against his shoulder, her silky hair trailing down his arm. Her scent, her softness, it was all imprinted on him and in him now.
There was no replacing Marissa in his heart. No one could be a substitute for her. Just as no one could be a substitution for Amelia. She was her own person, amazing and unique in her own way. There was no hiding from the truth any longer. He had done the one thing he’d vowed never to do again.
He’d fallen in love.
Now he had to figure out what the hell to do about that. Telling her in a drab military tent with their pants around their ankles seemed like a bad idea. And damn it all, he still needed to get his head together on this. He should be happy, the path simple and clear.
Instead, he was scared deep in his gut. Which was saying a lot for a guy who didn’t think twice about parachuting into a minefield.
A rustling at the front of the tent yanked him out of his freaked-out self-indulgence. “Shit,” he whispered, easing from her body and already feeling the loss. “Someone’s coming inside.”
He yanked her shirt into place as she pulled up her khakis. He made fast work of his own pants, then smoothed her hair back, finger-combing the silky strands quickly.
Kissing her hard and fast, he palmed the small of her back and steered her past the maze of crates. At the front, canvas flap open, he came face-to-face with one of the military nurses from… He couldn’t quite place where, but his brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders right now.
The sun was setting, security lights flickering off and on as sensors wrestled with the transition between day and night settings. A C-17 sat next in line to load up and head out. He even caught sight of his teammates Brick and Cuervo talking with a med tech as a couple of patients were loaded up.
Amelia stopped in her tracks just past the tent, gnawing on her kissed-plump bottom lip. “Can we hang out here for a second longer? I’m not ready to face my family just yet.”
“Do you want something to eat? Somewhere to, uh, freshen up?” There weren’t a helluva lot of options and little or no privacy now that they were out of the storage tent.
“I don’t have much time, actually.” She looked around the bustling temporary airfield. “I’m supposed to get on that plane with them and go back to the States. Aiden and Lisabeth are meeting me here in about fifteen minutes with Joshua.” Pain smoked through her eyes. “I needed a few minutes to collect myself, so I told them I was going to get an update on you.”
Leaving? Her announcement knocked the wind out of him. Sure he wanted her out of danger, but he’d expected to have a little more warning on saying good-bye, a chance to figure out how he wanted to handle things after they both returned.
“But you’re going tonight. That’s good. Really good.” So why did acid still churn in his gut? “I want you out of this godforsaken wasteland, the sooner the better.”
And it would be hard as hell to watch her leave, even accepting it was for the best. He also knew how tough it would be for her to acclimate to regular life after the trauma she’d experienced. He wished he could be there to help her make that transition.
“Well then we have a problem��—she scratched her chin absently, her eyebrows furrowing together as if her lawyer brain was putting together something big—“because I don’t want to go. I need to stay and help, even if it’s just giving out those little half-pint cartons of orange juice to thirsty children.”
Her face smoothed, and she jabbed him in the chest with one finger to make her point. “By some quirk of fate, I survived unscathed, and now I want to give back by helping those who haven’t been as lucky.”
He tipped his head, certain he couldn’t have heard her correctly. “Listen, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s tough to walk away from people in need, but there aren’t many chances to get out of here.” And he was damn well going to make sure she was on that plane. “Right now, it’s just your adrenaline talking.”
She laughed lightly, but her sky blue eyes still weren’t smiling. “Don’t you think you’re carrying the he-man stuff a little too far?”
Hands hitched on his gun belt, he measured his words to keep from snapping. Because right now what he really thought, what he really felt, was that he’d dodged enough of a bullet having her remain safe so far. Any more would be tempting fate. He’d done well in not thinking about Marissa or his daughter, but he knew damn well his own adrenaline letdown was due and it was going to be a helluva night trying to process everything that had happened.
He needed to be assertive about her next move. “If you stay, you will be in the way of rescue workers who need to do their jobs.”