“You’re trying to get rid of me.” Hands falling on his chest, she brushed cotton wrinkles flat.
He clasped her fingers, stopping her. “I’m trying to keep you safe. Keep you alive.” Frustration roiled inside him, searing along already-raw nerves. He needed her safe, damn it. He grasped her shoulders and willed her to understand how important it was for her to get on that plane.
“I love you, Amelia. Okay?” The words were damn near ripped out of him. He hadn’t had the time to sort through what it all meant, but in weighing the cost, he hoped it would help the cause. “I’ve been through the hell of losing someone I loved once and I can’t go through that hell again. I can’t take having you here where something could happen to you.”
She went still, her eyes stunned and giving him no hint of what she was thinking or feeling. “You love me?”
“Yeah, I think I do. Wait,” he held up a hand, needing to get this right. There was no quibbling to give himself an out. There was no going back for him now. “I know I do.”
“Oh, Hugh,” she said with a hint of regret, her eyes turning sad. She bracketed his face in both her hands, even though they stood in the middle of a busy airfield. “What you’re saying is beautiful, don’t get me wrong. But I’m not so sure you’re thinking clearly now. I believe this past week with Joshua and me has stirred up the pain of losing your wife and child.”
No shit.
He bristled, her rejection stinging, especially after what they’d just shared. Or what he’d thought they shared. Damn it all, he was certain she’d felt it too. “I know that you and Marissa are not the same. In fact, you’re nothing alike.” He tugged her by the arm, pulling her out of the path of troops marching past, and stopping under a half-uprooted tree. “If you don’t love me, then say so. Don’t try to make up some bullshit excuse about me not knowing my own mind.”
“Can you deny that you’ve been thinking of her? Everything that’s gone on has to have been tangled up in your feelings for what happened then.”
“Okay, I get it,” he said bitterly. “You’re the one who’s tangled up in the past. Just because your ex was a jackass who couldn’t tell one woman from the other doesn’t mean I’m a clueless bastard too.”
She shook her head. “I’m over him, and you know it.”
“And I believe you about as much as you seem to believe me.” He stepped back, feet planted, shoulders braced. “It’s time for you to get on that plane.”
“That’s it? One minute you’re in love with me and the next you tell me to get out of your life?”
“This isn’t about saying good-bye forever. It’s about you staying somew—” He ground his teeth as a trio of Red Cross workers passed, carrying stacked boxes of meals. “This isn’t the time or the place for an argument.”
“Yeah, well, I disagree. If I’ve learned anything over the past week, it’s that we can’t take a minute for granted. I want to be here, to help, and yes, to be with you.” Her scraped chin jutted, her sunburned cheeks peeling, and still she was magnificent. “I’ve also learned I’m a lot stronger than I realized. I’m not just a fighter in the courtroom, and then a wimp when it comes to facing the rest of the world.”
“I could have told you that.” Although her stubborn strength was a pain at the moment.
“Then why are you the only one who gets to be a crusader here? Why do I have to be shuffled aside to a safe little corner? Hell, it’s not like I’m going to be crawling under collapsed buildings the way you are. What if I were to ask you to take on a safer role?”
“That’s ridiculous. This is my job. My calling.”
“Well, while this may not be my job, believe me when I say I do feel called to be a part of the cleanup efforts here, to do something for the place that gave my family Joshua—”
Her voice cracked, and she looked away fast.
Realization seeped into his brain. “You don’t want to get on the plane with them. Do you?”
And as much as he knew it was going to hurt her, he said the words he hoped—he prayed—would make her get on that plane anyway. “I’ve heard there are no more planes carrying civilians out for God only knows how long, because they’re locking down the island until Jocelyn can be found. We’re almost certain she has one child with her and there could be more.”
He didn’t want her to miss that last plane, and he didn’t want her to be here if he failed in a mission that had become everything to him. Desperation pounded through him. “I thought you said you weren’t a coward? Well, get on that plane and face your brother and his family.”
Her head snapped back toward him, her eyes blazing. “That was cruel and manipulative.”
“I’m just doing what has to be done to make sure you don’t end up dead.”
Pressing the bridge of her nose, she squeezed her eyes closed, her jaw trembling for a vulnerable minute, before she looked at him again. Pain and anger blended in her eyes, jelling into disillusionment. “You know, Hugh, maybe we’re both right here, in a sad way, not the good kind of way. Perhaps you and I are stuck in the past. You, so afraid of losing someone, it paralyzes you. And me, so afraid of being betrayed until I just can’t trust what I’m hearing.” She held up her hands. “So you win, Hugh. I’ll go. For what it’s worth, I think I could have really loved you too.”
She pivoted away, her head high as she marched toward the C-17. The setting sun bathed her tequila-colored hues, giving her a golden sheen. Relief damn near made him dizzy. His head and his heart were too wrecked to consider the consequences, but he had to believe he’d done the right thing even if it tore him apart inside.
“Dude?” a familiar voice called from just behind him, Jose “Cuervo” Jones. “You okay?”
Cuervo studied him with perceptive eyes, everyone’s buddy, always checking up on folks with their freaky weird sense of when people were about to crash. Wade “Brick” Rocha stood beside him, one of the Red Cross meal boxes in his hands and open. He shoveled down the protein bar in two bites. Must have been a long mission with no time to eat.
So was he okay? “Yeah”—no—“just tying up loose ends before I get back to work.” Was that all he had left for the rest of his life?