“This is NOT about Ryan, I haven’t even thought about him hardly all day. It was just, it was just…. . . I guess it was just a nightmare. I…. . I…. . really don’t even remember. I just remember waking up being scared that I was all alone and I lost…. . I lost…. . . ” She looked back up to me again and her tears started to flow again.
“What did you lose honey?” Jeff asked as he held a sobbing Ellie in his arms.
She was looking at me with such sad eyes. What the fuck was going on in her head.
“I don’t remember Jefferson. I just want to take a pain pill and go back to sleep. Maybe that is why I had the weird dream…it was the pain medicine. ” Ellie said as she settled down a bit.
“Gunner, can you grab her medicine in the kitchen?” Jeff asked as he looked up at me with a sad look on his face.
“Sure, no problem. ”
I walked over and grabbed the old bottle of water I had brought out earlier tonight. I looked up and saw Jeff walking Ellie back to his bedroom. He was saying something to her that I couldn’t make out. She just kept shaking her head in agreement. I would give my life to know what they were talking about.
Holy fuck…. . . What the hell was she dreaming about? When I said I was going to step outside she just about freaked out. Do I ask her what the dream was about? Maybe I should. I mean she was calling out my name after all. What if I was a prick in the dream? Now I needed to shake my head to clear my thoughts. I walked over to the sofa and grabbed the pillow and blanket I had brought out earlier. I started to walk back towards Jeff’s bedroom. I stopped at the door when I heard Jeff’s voice talking slow and calm.
“Ellie, you cannot let something our mother said to you when you were little dictate your entire life honey. It was bullshit. She is a miserable person who just wants those around her to be just as miserable. You DO deserve happiness honey and you will find it. Trust me. ” Jefferson said as he leaned down to give Ellie a kiss on the forehead.
A surge of jealousy zipped through me. I would give anything to be the one who was comforting her right now. FUCK……I’m jealous of my own best friend? The pain I was feeling because she was hurting was killing me. I just didn’t understand it. I just meet this girl. How could I already feel so protective of her? Jeff got up and started to head out of the room but not before he stopped and gave me a slap on the back and wink.
“Hey, here is your pain pill and a fresh bottle of water Ellie. ”
Ellie looked over at me and gave me a smile that just about brought me to my knees…. again. Okay…when were these feelings going to stop taking over me like this?
“Thank you so much Gunner. I’m sorry; I don’t know what came over me when I woke up. Um…… did I say anything while I was asleep?”
Shit, do I tell her what she called out or act like I didn’t hear her calling out my name. “Yes, sweetheart you did. You kept calling out my name and something about someone being wrong but that’s all you said. ”
I watched her face as I told her what she had said in her sleep. She frowned and looked away towards the window.
“Oh…. . . well, um. …. . I’m sure it was probably just because you had been so attentive this evening. I don’t really even remember what I was dreaming about so…. . . ” She looked back over at me and I swear I saw tears building in her eyes.
Bullshit. I knew damn well she remembered her dream. Why wouldn’t she tell me? What the hell was she afraid of?
“Well, it doesn’t matter Ellie. You need to get some rest sweetheart. Do you need something to prop up your hand? Or need anything else?” I asked her while I shuffled my feet back and forth like I was five years old again. She smiled at me and just shook her head no.
“Thank you again Gunner for everything but I think I’m fine. I really do appreciate it. I’m sorry to keep you up so late at night. I’m just going to try and get back to sleep. I am so glad seniors have off tomorrow!” She said with a giggle.
I walked over and turned off the side light. Well, um…. . . good night Ellie. ”
I turned and started towards the door. I turned one last time to see her close her eyes and pull her blanket up and tuck it under her chin. She was so adorable……and I was so fucked.
I walked out and saw Jeff sitting on the sofa holding one beer up to his lips taking a long drink and another beer in his other hand.
“Must have been some date for you to bust out two of ‘em. ” I said with a small laugh.
“This one is for you. I thought you might want one before heading off to bed. ”
I reached over and took the beer out of his hand and sank down in the sofa and took a drink.
“I have to ask you Jeff, what the fuck did your mother say to Ellie. ”
“I always thought it was her story to tell Gunner but I’m beginning to think it has affected her more than I thought. When she was seven my mom was really drunk one night. I wasn’t home so Ellie was there to take the brunt of it. Funny thing was I was spending the night at a friend’s house which I NEVER did. I just had to get away from her. I mean, I was always trying to get in between her and Ellie. Protect Ellie from our mom’s hurtful words she lashed out all the fucking time. When I left she was sober……was not even drinking a drop of alcohol. I thought things would be okay. She talked about taking Ellie to the park even. ”
Jeff ran his hand through is hair and spoke something under his breath. I was pretty sure he had said fuck.
“When I got home the next morning, Ellie was sitting in the corner of the kitchen…. . . asleep. Still wearing the clothes she had on the day before. My mother was passed out at the kitchen table. I ran up to Ellie and as soon as she woke up and saw me…. . she just started to cry. Started rambling off how our mother didn’t want her anymore, how hungry she was, how mommy told her no one would ever love her…. . ever. ”
Jeff stopped and put his head back on the sofa. His body started shaking.