Tears filled Alannah’s eyes.
“I didn’t know it when I was a kid, but I thought Nala’s dad packed her up and moved because I could never find either of them when I searched. I always thought she was alive and had our baby, and I was pissed at her for not allowing me to be a part of that. My parents’ death sent me into grief, but Nala kept me there, and because of her, I kept everyone at arm’s length. I was so angry with her ... and all the while, I never knew that they were dead because of me.”
“Trent.”
I blinked. “What?”
“They died because of Trent, not you.” She sniffled. “Ye’ have to stop placin’ blame on your shoulders when it belongs on someone else’s.”
“Alannah—”
“No,” I cut him off. “Ye’ blame yourself for everythin’ that happened, but ye’ were a baby. Fifteen years old. Ye’ had no control over what other people did, so stop blamin’ yourself. Marco tricked your family into workin’ for ‘im. He is to blame for all of this, and Trent is responsible for killin’ Nala and your baby. Him, not you!”
I stared at her, struggling to allow myself to believe her words.
“Ye’ aren’t to blame.”
I swallowed. “You don’t blame me for everything?”
“No,” she said. “And I know no one else does either.”
I looked down, not believing that.
“We can come back to that,” I said, clearing my throat. “I want to keep going.”
Alannah nodded and waited.
“After all that happened, everything with Darkness, with us, I decided to leave to better myself, thanks to Bronagh.”
“Bronagh?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “When she came by the room we were in, she was straight with me. She told me exactly how she felt, and how horrible I was for sleeping with you when I knew you liked me. She knew how much I never wanted to be like my parents, and she made me realise how I was treating girls, how I treated you, was wrong and something they would do. She was brutal, but no one else was going to tell me what I needed to hear. She flipped a switch in me.”
“What did ye’ do when ye’ went back to New York?”
“I removed the headstone for Trent on Nala’s grave and had a new one made for her and the baby. I know it was still inside her stomach, but it was still a baby, and I wanted people to know that he or she existed. You know?”
“Yeah, sweetheart, I know.”
I exhaled a breath. “Do you hate me for getting Nala pregnant?”
“Of course not,” she replied, shocked. “Damien, ye’ didn’t know I existed when ye’ and Nala were together. Don’t be silly.”
I nodded and looked down at my hands.
“Maybe ... maybe we can buy Nala and the baby a star, just like you bought me,” she suggested. “That way when we looked up, we’ll know they’re out there watchin’ over us. Would that help you in any way?”
I lifted my gaze and locked eyes on the most considerate, selfless, and wonderful woman I had ever had the honour to meet. Here I was, telling Alannah all my dark past. She listened to horrifying things, and she still wanted to respect a girl I loved in my past along with the child we created but was never born. She was everything that was pure in my world, and I loved her more than I could accurately put into words.
“It’s okay to cry,” she told me. “You’re allowed to be sad and grieve who you lost. You don’t need to worry about how I feel about it. I’m sad for you and for Nala and the baby, too. No one deserves what she went through.”
My eyes stung as I got up and sat beside her. She wrapped her arms around me when I hugged her body to mine. I put my head against hers and cried. I cried for Nala, I cried for our baby, I cried for Alannah, my brother, their partners, and I cried for all their suffering, and I cried for my own, too.
“I have more to tell you,” I said, clearing my throat.
“More of your story or your brothers?”
“My brothers,” I answered, pulling back to look at her. “Mine ended after I ... after I took Trent’s life.”
I waited for Alannah to be revolted with my admission, but it never came.
“I’m glad,” she said, taking hold of my hand. “I’m glad.”
I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers.
“Also, I don’t want to hear your brothers’ stories from you. I want to hear it from them.”
I nodded and kept my eyes closed, savouring her touch.
“Are ye’ okay?”
“I’m just enjoying this feeling of being close to you,” I answered as I opened my eyes. “I’ve missed you so much, freckles.”
“I’ve missed you too,” she said. “It killed me to shut ye’ out, but I needed to. I needed to reach this frame of mind where I was able to hear ye’ out.”