Kale was silent for a moment before he said, “See you, Laney Baby.”
I squeezed my eyes shut but reopened them as I reached for the handle of the bedroom door. I turned the lock and pulled the door open. I stepped out into the hallway, and without looking back, I said, “Bye, Kale”, and closed the door behind me.
I stood there for a moment before I willed my legs to move. I began to walk down the hallway, and just before I took the left turn and headed for the stairs I heard Kale’s voice roar, “Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!” from back inside the bedroom where I’d given myself body and soul to him.
I broke down then. H
e really regretted sleeping with me. He really regretted me, and he was clearly furious with himself over it. I couldn’t take the hurt that welled up inside of me. I ran down the hallway, jumping over a sleeping body here and there, until I got to the stairs and descended them two at a time. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I glanced around and winced at the state of the beautiful house I’d entered last night.
It looked like a bomb had gone off, and I pitied the poor souls who had to clean it all up. I glanced at the large clock next to the stairs and saw it was close to half past five in the morning. There was no way I could go back to Lavender’s house, because she’d told her parents that she was sleeping in my house, but since she wasn’t with me, I had a pretty good idea of who she was with.
I reached into the back pocket of my skirt, pulled out my phone and dialled her number.
“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” I repeated over and over.
“Hello?” Lavender’s husky voice answered.
“It’s me. Where are you?” I asked, breathing a sigh of relief that she was okay.
She mumbled something to someone, then to me she said, “I’m in Daven’s house. His mum had a late shift at the hospital, so he brought me back here when I couldn’t find you.”
I was a shitty friend; she’d probably been worried sick about me.
I winced. “Sorry about that, I went AWOL.”
“It’s okay. Daven’s friend said he saw Kale bring you upstairs, so I left with Daven because I knew you would be safe with him.”
Safe. Yeah.
“Yeah,” I murmured. “I was with Kale.”
“Wait,” she said, her voice suddenly more alert. “You were with Kale? Like with him?”
“Yeah,” I said, and burst into tears.
“Oh, babe, no,” Lavender whispered.
“It was perfect,” I cried, “but he just woke up and freaked out on me. He said he didn’t remember us having sex and that he saw me as a sister. He regrets having sex with me, Lav. He regrets me.”
“Where are you? I’m getting dressed and coming right over.”
I wiped my face and took a few deep breaths to calm myself down.
“No, it’s too early.” I sniffled. “Stay with Daven, I’m going to go ho-home. My dad will be gone to work, and my mum will be asleep. I’ll sneak in and get into bed, and when she wakes up, I’ll just say I came home early from your house.”
“Are you sure?” Lavender asked. “I don’t care about the time. I’ll come to you right now if you need me to.”
I heard a voice grumble, “Is she okay? Does she need me to pick her up?”
I was surprised that Daven was even the slightest bit concerned; he never usually showed any emotion of any kind towards me. We would either fight over his fights with Lavender or ignore one another. There was no in-between with us.
“She’s fine – go back to sleep.”
I jerked my head when I heard movement upstairs in the house, and I was terrified it was Kale coming down the stairs so he could go to his parents’ house. I did not want to see him, so I focused on my phone.
“I have to go, Lav.”
“I’ll swing by yours on my way home in a few hours, okay?”
I nodded. “’Kay.”
“Love you, babe. Hang in there,” Lavender said.
I sniffled. “I will. Love you too.”
I hung up and pocketed my phone. I hated wearing Kale’s fleece jumper, but I folded my arms together and snuggled into the heat that it offered me as I opened the hall door of the house and stepped outside into the freezing morning air.
My attire was a really bad fucking idea.
I felt my teeth chatter as I walked down the never-ending driveway of the party house and headed in the direction of the village. My house was only fifteen minutes away, and because I briskly walked the entire way, I got there pretty fast.
I took off Lavender’s wedged heels and held them in my hand as I walked up the driveway. I got my key out of my back pocket and held my breath as I approached the hall door. I put the key into the lock, turned it and gently nudged open the door. I silently stepped inside my house and carefully closed the door behind me, relocking it and then hanging the key on the rack.
I quickly entered the alarm code when the warning sound began to beep. Once that was done, I crept up the stairs and cursed God himself when that stupid loose floorboard next to my bedroom creaked as I stood on it.
I froze to the spot for a solid minute, and when I heard no movement coming from my parents’ room, I stepped off the stupid noisy floorboard and escaped into the safety of my bedroom, where I gently closed the door behind me. I tiptoed over to my dresser, opened the first drawer and shoved Lavender’s heels inside. I rid myself of her clothes and Kale’s jumper and shoved them into the drawer too.
I washed my face clean of make-up, and brushed my hair out before plaiting it back out of my face. I climbed into my bed, where I lay for ages, staring at the glow-up stickers on my ceiling, wondering if my entire night was a dream – or a nightmare.
“Lane, darling?” I heard my mother’s voice shout later that morning as I got out of the shower. I had scrubbed myself raw, trying to take away some of the pain I felt by replacing it with a physical one.
My mother had come into my room at ten in the morning to collect my dirty washing from my hamper, and got the fright of her life when she found me asleep in bed. Her scream woke me up and nearly gave me a heart attack. I told her I’d come home at 9 a.m., but because she’d still been in bed, I’d gone back to bed too. She didn’t suspect a thing about what I had really been up to; she was more concerned about how she didn’t hear me come in.
I opened my door and replied to her with a loud “Yeah?”
“Can you come down here?”
I pressed my forehead against my bedroom door and sighed. “Sure. Give me a second to get dressed.”
I entered my room, got dried and changed into clothes before heading downstairs.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Nothing,” my mother replied. “Just wanted to see what you wanted for dinner this evening.”
“I’m cool with whatever you want to make,” I said.
“Pizza and chips it is,” my mother chirped.
I stared at her back, then sat on a chair next to the kitchen table. I was silent for a moment, and then suddenly I felt like talking to her because I felt really low.
“Mum,” I mumbled, pushing my wet hair out of my face.
She glanced at me over her shoulder for a moment, then went back to the dishes as she said, “Yes?”
Talk, I willed myself.
“I like Kale,” I blurted out.
I held my breath as soon as the words were out of my mouth. My mother halted her movements and looked at me, her lips parted. “I know.”
She knows? my mind screeched.
I exhaled. “You do?”
She nodded. “I always knew you had a little crush on him.”
If my being in love with him was described as a “little crush” then yeah, I crushed on Kale hard. “How come you never said anything to me about it?” I questioned, feeling at a disadvantage. First, Kale had known I liked him, and now my mother did? Who else was aware of my clearly obvious feelings for him?
She shrugged and turned to face me fully, a tea towel in her hands, drying them. “I didn’t want to embarrass you.”
I frowned. “But you talked to me when I liked Blake, before Lochlan scared him off that is.”
“That was different,” she lightly chuckled. “I didn’t know this Blake lad. He isn’t a son to me the way Kale is.”
I felt my heart sink. “You really think of Kale as a son?”
My mother nodded. “Your father does too. Even your Uncle Harry and Nanny consider him our family.”
She wasn’t making me feel better. If anything, her words were making me feel worse.
I scratched my neck. “It’d be weird for us to . . . you know, ever wind
up together then?” I asked, chuckling to help clear out the awkwardness I felt.
My mother laughed. “Yeah, it’d be strange since everyone considers you his little sister.”
I looked away from my mother so she wouldn’t see the hurt in my eyes. “Yeah, you’re right,” I said, and cleared my throat. “I guess I just liked him because he was always around me.”
I was surprised at how easily I lied about something, someone that was so close to my heart.
“That and Lochlan never let you close to a boy no matter how many times I warned him not to interfere.” My mother clucked her tongue, then turned her back to me as she carried on with hand-washing the dishes.
“You know Lochlan.” I swallowed. “He just wants to protect me.”
“Layton and Kale too,” she chuckled. “That’s what brothers do.”
I’d never thought of Kale as a brother or relative of any kind, not since I was little. “Yeah,” I said, and stood up from the table. “Lavender will be over soon.”
I heard the smile in my mother’s voice as she said, “I’m so glad you have a girlfriend to spend time with. You need to experience life outside of your circle with just Kale.”
I hated to admit it, but I needed to experience life entirely outside of Kale, now more than ever. I really needed to speak to my Uncle Harry, because he got me – he always understood me so easily. He didn’t need to know about Kale and me having sex, but he could know something serious happened and that the outcome broke my heart in two.
I heard my mother talking, but for the life of me I couldn’t hear what she was saying over my own thoughts. I nodded to her, even though she couldn’t see the gesture as I left the kitchen and headed up the stairs to my room. When I entered my room, I sat down on my bed and clutched at my chest as pain spread across it.
I wiped under my nose with the back of my hand and looked over to my bedside table, where the vibrations of my phone rumbled against the wood. I dried my eyes with the corners of my towel, picked up my phone and saw Kale’s text message. My heart stopped.
I hope u r ok. I’m so sry, I rly hope u dont h8 me. I luv u nd Im sry if Ive ruined evrythin.