I gritted my teeth at Kale’s text talk; I hated when he didn’t use grammar correctly, but I shoved that annoyance aside as I thumbed out a reply.
Stop it. It’s fine. I’m fine. It was a mistake. I know that, and you know that. You’re still my best friend. Nothing will ever change that. You haven’t ruined anything. You’re still my buddy. Things haven’t changed. I promise :)
Lie. Lie. Lie.
I didn’t voice it, but I suspected things would never be the same between us ever again, and I think Kale knew it too.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Day three in York
Lane?”
I blinked away the memory that had taken hold of me and turned my head to the voice that called my name, and when I found the source was Ally Day, my gaze hardened.
It was Sunday, the day after my uncle’s funeral, and my family, family friends and a bunch of other people had dropped by my parents’ home, some to talk about their good times with my uncle, while others were drinking.
I made sure that I steered clear of alcohol. I hadn’t touched a drop of it in seven years, and even though I felt like I was at my lowest point, I kept my private vow never to use alcohol to mask my pain again. I had done that enough in my late teenage years, and I never wanted to fall back into that state of mind.
“What do you want, Ally?” I quipped, pushing loose strands of hair from my face. “I’m not in the mood to be put down. I’ve had a shitty weekend, in case you haven’t noticed.”
Ally winced. “I deserve that.”
“You think?” I sarcastically asked.
She played with the hem of her cardigan as she said, “Lane, I’m sorry.”
I turned my body to face her fully. “For what?”
She swallowed and said, “For how horrible I was to you when we were younger. I have no excuse for it. I was mean, horrible and a straight-up bitch to you for no reason. I wish I could take it all back.”
I tilted my head as I stared at her.
“I wished for that countless times too,” I stated. “I wished every night after that day in Anna’s house that I could rewind and not go there. Do you understand how much your words, and Anna’s, had an impact on me? I wanted to die because I felt so bad about myself. You played a part in making me feel like that.”
Tears welled in Ally’s eyes.
“I’m terribly sorry. I had no idea of the hurt we caused you.”
I didn’t bat an eyelid.
“Of course you didn’t. You were too wrapped up in Anna to see anything else, never mind seeing the impact your words and actions had on others.”
Her tears fell from her eyes and splashed onto her now red-blotched cheeks.
“I hate myself for how I behaved in school. I never wanted to be that person, Lane. I just acted mean to seek approval from Anna. I don’t know why I needed to be friends with her, because she was horrible to me, even worse than what she was with you.”
I scowled. “Am I supposed to feel sorry for you, Ally?”
“No,” she answered, “I’m not trying to make this about me. I just wanted you to know why I was the way I was. I did some horrible things to fit into a nasty friendship with someone who wasn’t worth it, and I hurt you and many others in the process. I’ll forever be sorry for the things I said to you.”
I didn’t know whether to accept her apology or not, even though it was obvious she was very sorry for what she had done. The heartbroken teenager within me wanted to watch her cry and have her feel horrible for what she had done to me, but I shook that version of myself away. If I did that, I would be no better than Ally or Anna back in the day.
“I can see that you’re sorry,” I commented.
“I am,” she sniffled. “I swear it.”
I sighed deeply. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Ally. I can’t just switch off the dislike I have for you. You were a part of making growing up as a teenager more difficult than it needed to be.”
“I’d take it all back if I could,” she vowed.
I raised an eyebrow. “Why now?”
“Huh?” she hiccupped.
“Why are you saying all this to me now?” I clarified.
Ally shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve wanted to apologise to you for years, but you’ve been in the States, and I didn’t want to find you on Facebook and send you everything I had to say in a text message,” she explained. “Anything short of the apology I’m giving you now wouldn’t have cut it, not to me.”
That surprised me.
“You’ve changed since I last saw you,” I commented after a moment of silence.
I didn’t mean her appearance, and Ally knew that.
“I have,” she said, nodding. “I’ve grown up, and I’ll have to live with the things I have done and said, but all I can do now is offer my apology and prove that I’m a better person.”
My gut told me that she was being sincere.
“I . . . I can’t believe I’m saying this, and meaning it, but I forgive you, Ally,” I said after a pregnant pause. “We won’t be friends anytime soon, but I do believe that you’re sorry for what you did, and I accept your apology. We don’t have to talk about it again; it’s in the past where it belongs.”
Ally’s crying amplified until she was sobbing so much she couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what to do for her, so I stood motionless before her and stared. I cringed as I put myself in her shoes.
Is that what I looked like when I cried? I wondered. Did others feel as helpless as I did?
“What’s going on in here?” Lochlan’s voice suddenly boomed from my right.
I looked at him at the same time he locked his eyes on a still blubbering Ally, and I resisted rolling my eyes when Lochlan’s hardened gaze switched to mine. If looks could kill, I would have been dead and buried with the glare my brother shot my way.
“What. Did. You. Do?” he growled.
Here we go.
“What are you talking about?” I quizzed. “I didn’t do anything.”
He lifted his hand and gestured towards Ally. “Explain her state then!”
I looked to Ally, who was trying to speak but was now hiccupping and couldn’t get any words out.
“I didn’t make her cry – she did that herself.”
Lochlan growled. “I’ve never seen her cry like that, and all of a sudden she is alone with you for a few minutes and she’s a mess of tears.”
Why does he care so much?
“You better close your mouth, turn around and walk off before you say something you regret,” I warned him. “I am not at fault here. She is apologising for the shit she did to me when we were teenagers. She is crying because she feels bad about what she did. We’re talking it out. That’s it.”
Some of the tension from Lochlan’s body disappeared.
He looked to Ally and asked, “Is that true?”
It pissed me off that he didn’t take what I said as truth.
Ally sniffled and nodded her head to Lochlan.
“Oh,” he said, then cleared his throat. “I didn’t know.”
“How could you know?” I questioned. “You never gave me a chance to explain. You came in here pointing your stupid fat finger and jumped to your own conclusion. Typical Lochlan.”
The tension that had left Lochlan’s body came back tenfold.
“I know you, Lane, and you have a way of starting trouble out of nothing,” he sneered.
He might as well have kicked me in the face. It would have hurt less.
“You’re wrong, dear brother,” I mocked. “You don’t know me; you haven’t known me for a long time.”
“And whose fucking fault is that?” he suddenly bellowed.
Ally jumped, but I didn’t. Lochlan didn’t scare me. I was used to his outbursts.
“I’m sorry, Ally,” Lochlan murmured, his voice incredibly soft towards her. “Can you give me a minute with my sister?”
He said the word “sister” like one would say “cancer”.
&nb
sp; Ally nodded to both of us, tenderly touched Lochlan’s arm, then scurried out of the room, closing the door behind her. I blinked at the closed door, then looked to Lochlan, and my face lit up when I put two and two together.
“I’m so stupid,” I said, laughing. “No wonder you defended her yesterday in the sitting room and just now: you’re shagging her.”
Lochlan scowled at me. “Don’t talk about what you don’t know.”
I laughed harder. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
He glared at me, his silence screaming a resounding yes.
I shook my head. “For years you never let older boys near me, and now you’re shacked up with someone the same age as me? The exact age as your little sister, Lochlan. This is just bloody brilliant.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growled.
I ignored him. “Maybe I should take a leaf out of your book and scare her away from you. It seemed to work out well when you did it to me all those years ago.”
Lochlan’s gaze hardened. “That’s different. We aren’t kids anymore.”
“Since when has maturity mattered between siblings?” I asked.
My brother narrowed his eyes to slits. “Leave. Ally. Alone.”
I held up my hands in front of my chest. “No problem, big bro. I won’t be here long enough to screw you out of getting laid. Trust me, the first chance I get, I’m out of here.”
Lochlan’s whole demeanour went rigid. “Stop threatening us with that.”
I looked away from him. “You know I’m leaving when everything is squared away with Uncle Harry’s things. It’s not a threat if it’s true.”
He stepped towards me. “You can stay here if you want to; you know you can.”
“Uncle Harry is gone,” I replied, gazing out the kitchen window. “What’s left for me here?”
“Me!” Lochlan roared.
I almost jumped out of my skin when he shouted. I quickly looked in his direction and backed up against the kitchen counter when I saw how tense his features were. I had never seen him look so infuriated before.
“I’m here,” he bit out. “Layton is here. Mum, Dad and Nanny are here for you. Kale is here for you too, not that you’ve ever given a damn about him.”
It was my turn to shout then.