I didn’t like how dark the room was now that I was awake, so I turned on the lamp on the bedside table next to me and relaxed back into the pillow I was lying on. I closed my eyes on a sigh but snapped them back open when I heard groaning next to me.
“My head is killing me,” Kale grumbled, and lifted his hands to his face, covering it completely.
I snorted. “That’s what you get for downing Jack.”
Kale’s entire body tensed when I spoke, and he slowly lowered his hands from his face and turned to look at me.
“Good morning,” I said, beaming.
“Lane?” Kale whispered, then rubbed his eyes and repeatedly blinked them.
He choked on air when he glanced down to my naked breasts, then widened his eyes. Lifting up the bed sheets that covered him, he looked down at his naked body.
“Oh, Jesus,” he panicked. “Oh, Christ.”
I frowned at him. “What’s wrong?”
Kale snapped his gaze to me. “What’s wrong? Are you fucking serious?”
I was taken aback by his sudden anger. “I don’t understand why you’re so mad,” I replied, my temper rising to match his. “You were fine a few hours ago!”
He shook his head in dismay. “I was drunk a few hours ago, Lane.”
Sickness attacked my stomach, and hurt gripped my heart.
“Wh-What are you saying?” I whispered, not wanting to hear the answer to my question.
Kale looked at me once more and frowned deeply. “I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me.”
Forgive him?
“For what?” I asked, my eyes welling up with tears.
He grunted. “You know what for . . . We had sex, Lane.”
I was instantly gutted when I saw the regret on his face. “You . . . you’re sorry we had sex?” I asked, trying my hardest not to allow my voice to crack.
He placed his head in his hands. “Of course I am. You’re my best friend, you’re only seventeen and I don’t even remember sleeping with you. Oh, fuck, what have I done? Did I hurt you? Did I use a condom?”
I couldn’t speak.
I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t think.
“Lane,” Kale breathed, and turned to me, the bed sheets still covering his lower body. “Please, forgive me. I’m begging you. I’m so sorry if I hurt you.”
“You didn’t have a condom, but you promised you would pull out, and you did.” I looked at him and blinked. “You didn’t hurt me either.”
He just fucking destroyed me.
Kale closed his eyes. “I’m such a fucking prick.”
Yes. Yes, he was.
“Do you remember anything?” I asked after a lengthy silence.
He was looking at me, but turned away from me when I asked my question, and said, “No.”
How on earth was that possible?
“Kale, you weren’t that drunk,” I stated. “You were tipsy at most.”
He moved away when I reached for him, and it really hurt my feelings. “I don’t know what to tell you, Lane. I was drunk. I’m just not a messy drunk, I guess, but that doesn’t mean I remember shit.”
Did he have to word it like that?
I swallowed. “You weren’t even slurring, though—”
“I don’t remember it, okay?” he bellowed.
I wasn’t expecting him to shout at me, and it caused me to almost jump out of my skin.
“I’m sorry,” he said when he saw that he’d scared me. “I’m so sorry about all of this. It’s all my fault.”
I was so confused.
“You told me you liked me,” I whispered.
“If I said that, then I wasn’t lying. I do like you – I swear I do. You’re fucking gorgeous, but it’s been embedded in me to look out for you because you are like a sister to me, and for a long time you have been, Lane.”
He truly saw me as his sister?
Oh, my God.
I felt sick.
“It’s okay,” I breathed, forcing back the bile that wanted to rise up my throat. “We’ll just forget about it. It’s not a big deal.”
It was a big deal; it was a huge fucking deal.
“Lane.”
I refused to look at him; the tears that were in my eyes would fall, otherwise.
“No, Kale, I swear it’s fine,” I said, and fumbled with the sheets to cover my body. “You’re right – this was a mistake.”
It almost killed me to say the biggest lie of my life.
“I’m so sorry if I’ve hurt you,” he said, clearly in distress. “I hate myself for upsetting you.”
Stop. Talking.
“It’s fine, honestly,” I assured him.
It wasn’t fine, not at all.
“I wasn’t . . . I wasn’t your first, was I?”
I looked up at him and saw the horror in his expression. He truly didn’t remember any of what we did, not even the conversation we’d had before.
That cut me deep.
“No,” I lied through my teeth. “No, I’ve had sex before.”
His jaw set before he slowly nodded.
“Can you – can you turn around so I can get dressed?” I asked, an embarrassed flush covering the surface of my face and neck.
I wasn’t being shy; I was simply mortified at having to do a degrading redress from the night before, then do the walk of shame from someone who I should never have been walking away from.
I quickly got up from the bed and scrabbled around the room, picking up my underwear and Lavender’s borrowed clothes and pulling them on in record time. When I got my heels on and checked that my phone and house key were still in the back pocket of the skirt I was wearing, I moved towards the door, with my head downcast.
“Lane?” his voice murmured.
I froze at the door of the bedroom.
“What is it, Kale?” I asked, tears splashing onto my cheeks.
“You mean the world to me, and you know I’d never be horrible to you or say something hurtful unless it was for your own good, don’t you?”
My head was pounding, and I had no idea what the hell he was talking about.
I couldn’t make sense of it.
“I have to go, Kale.”
He was silent for a moment, and then he said, “Just . . . don’t hate me. Please.”
That was the damn problem. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t, I loved him too much to ever experience another emotion when it came to him, and I hated that.
“I don’t hate you,” I whispered.
I heard Kale exhale a relieved breath.
“Will you be okay getting home?” he asked, concerned.
I nodded. “I’ll be fine.”
“Look, I’ll see you over Christmas break, and I’m telling you, we’ll laugh our heads off about this by then.”
That was highly doubtful.
“Yeah,” I lied. “It’ll be hilarious.”
“Take my jumper; I left it up here when I got to the party a few hours ago. Please . . . take it. You’ll freeze outside wearing just that.”
I hesitated in turning.
“Lane, please,” he pleaded. “I don’t want you to get sick.”
I swallowed my hurt and pride, and turned to face him. I made sure not to look at him directly, though, as I walked over to the bed and grabbed his jumper from the floor. I quickly put it on, then moved back over to the door.