My feelings for Deacon had been put to the test more than ever. Kendra was a thing of the past, but he’d begun dating someone new in May—Rachel. She had long, dark hair and big green eyes and worked behind the scenes for a modeling agency. She was gorgeous, and I hated her. He’d been open about her from the beginning, never tried to hide it, but it still sucked. The whole thing sucked. I wasn’t sure how serious they were, but his meeting her had been the final nail in the coffin of my heart.
If Deacon and I were going to be friends, I had to accept everything—as did he when I’d decided to put myself out there in the dating world last month. I’d informed Deacon that Sharon was coming over in the evening to watch Sunny while I went on my first official date in ages. That’d been an awkward conversation. I could’ve sworn Deacon seemed jealous. He’d wanted to know the guy’s name so he could do a background check.
Sean Colmes was the man I’d met online, and Deacon had dubbed him “P-Diddy” because he had the same name as the singer, only spelled differently. Anyway, the date didn’t amount to anything—he didn’t knock my socks off. I hadn’t been on a date since then, but it had felt good to return to the dating scene. Lord knows I needed the practice.
Deacon still brought me coffee almost daily. He didn’t talk much about Rachel, which I appreciated. On the outside, it seemed our friendship had survived the blip of my birthday night last January. So it was important that I not let on that my feelings for him had only grown. I wanted Deacon more than ever. Whenever Rachel was over at his apartment, I was a mess.
A mess.
I’d thought my complicated feelings were my biggest problem when it came to him. That is, until one afternoon when he stopped by with his usual coffees. The unusually somber look on his face told me something was up.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“You could tell, huh?”
“Yeah. I know your face pretty well. The smile’s not here today. Did something happen? Is everything okay with your family?”
“It’s nothing like that. Everyone is okay.” He handed me my coffee. “Let me say hi to Sunny Side Up first. Then we’ll talk.”
Deacon walked over to Sunny’s swing and seemed to take a much longer time than usual rubbing her head and whispering gibberish.
An ominous feeling came over me. “What’s going on, Deacon?”
He stood up. “I have some news.”
My heartbeat accelerated. “Okay…”
“I got a promotion.”
My first reaction was…confusion. “That’s great. That’s good, right?”
“Yeah. It pays almost double. Which is nuts.”
“Oh my gosh, wow.”
“The only problem is…the new position requires me to work out of the Tokyo office. I’d have to move there.”
“Oh.” My heart sank.
He swallowed. “It’s a different role, a managerial position with less design work. So it’s not remote. I’d have to report to the office every day because I’d be training people on our software. And I’d still be designing my old series on top of that. So it’s more work, but a big opportunity.”
It took what felt like forever to form a response. Despite all the complex emotions I’d felt toward this man—jealousy, longing, frustration—nothing felt as horrible as the thought of him disappearing from my life.
“Wow…I don’t know what to say, Deacon.”
He let out a long sigh. “I’m having my doubts about whether to take it. It sucks, right? That something good happens and there’s such a price to pay. I love my life here, and I don’t want to leave.”
Fighting off tears, I said, “I don’t want you to leave, either. You’re like…family.”
“I know. I feel like that about you guys, too. You have no idea how much I want to stay. But…at the same time, I’m torn. This opportunity could lead to better things, even if I just stick it out for a year and come back.”
The words come back gave me some hope. But who was I kidding? If Deacon left for a year, things would never be the same again.
But I steeled myself to be the best friend I could be. “This sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, right? I mean…you can’t turn it down?”
He seemed to think long and hard before he answered. “Probably not.” He nodded. “I probably should take it.”
“Well, then, you have your answer.”
He stared down at the floor and muttered, “Fuck.”
My emotions soon transformed from shock to heartbreak. Not only had he been offered a position across the world, he was taking it.
Deacon’s leaving.
There would be no more daily conversations. No more coffees. No more security of knowing he was just next door if I needed him. No more hope that one day he’d come to his senses and lose control again with me—and choose to never let me go this time. All hope was gone now.