“How long have you known this would be a possibility?”
“About a month. I threw my hat into the ring, but I didn’t think I’d get it. That’s why I didn’t mention it.”
I stared into space and nodded in an attempt to let it sink in.
“You okay?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Not really. But I’ll have to be.” I continued to fight like hell against the tears forming in my eyes. “I’m gonna miss you.”
“I’m gonna miss you, too.” He frowned. “I actually found out I got the job yesterday, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I slept like shit last night. There was just no good way to break this news.”
I knew he meant it when he said he was going to miss me. The way he was looking at me, deep into my eyes, gave me chills.
“When will you move?”
“They told me I’d have to start in about a month. I have to see if the landlord will let me out of my lease.”
Despite feeling hopeless, I tried to feign optimism. “So we still have a little time, yeah?”
“Yeah,” he muttered.
Unexpectedly, Deacon leaned in and pulled me into a hug. Many seconds passed where he just held me. I let out a long breath of frustration into his chest. I could feel his heart beating in my ear, and I wondered if he could feel my heart breaking.
* * *
The two-and-a-half weeks that followed Deacon’s announcement went by way too fast.
He managed to get out of his lease and began packing up his things, a little each day. The landlord told him he could leave his furniture for the next tenant, so Deacon didn’t have to worry about cleaning the place out. He was glad not to have to figure out how to get his stuff out of there.
Each day he’d bring by coffee, and we’d pretend things were normal, even though it was the opposite. Each day felt more somber than the last.
On his second-to-last weekend in New York, we decided to do something we’d never done together: take a little trip out of the city. Since Sunny hadn’t been to the beach before, and the weather was supposed to be hot, we rented a car and planned a drive out to the Hamptons. Getting out of the usual environment would be one way to distract from what was happening. Or one way to say goodbye, however you looked at it.
Deacon’s friend Adrian’s family owned a small house in Easthampton and offered it to him free of charge. The plan was to head out on Saturday morning and spend the night there before returning on Sunday. It would be bittersweet to spend time with Deacon like this, knowing soon I might never see him again. At the same time, that was exactly why I’d taken him up on the offer of this trip.
I’d tasked him with going to the store to buy some beach supplies.
A text came in while he was out.
Deacon: What’s the difference between a swim diaper and a regular diaper?
Oh boy. Here we go.
Carys: Regular diapers become too heavy, super saggy, and fall off when they’re wet.
Deacon: Man, that sucks.
Carys: Yep. So the swim diapers don’t do that.
Deacon: What do they do, then?
Carys: I’ve never really thought about it, but basically they don’t absorb.
Deacon: So what good are they? Sounds like a false sense of security.
Carys: I guess the pee just goes in the water. LOL
Deacon: What a waste. Why not have her free-ball it?
Carys: Well, for one, she doesn’t have balls.
Deacon: Let her go commando.
Carys: The diaper will protect her bathing suit.
Deacon: Okay. There are three types of swim “diapers.”
I was cracking up.
Carys: Any kind is okay.
Deacon: How do you reuse a swim diaper? This one here says reusable. Why would someone want to do that?
Carys: You could take it home and wash it.
Deacon: Three hours after it bakes in the sun at the beach? Seems like a lot of trouble. And what if she had a big explosion?
Carys: Then you’d probably throw it away.
Deacon: So it’s really disposable.
Carys: Right. LOL. Get the disposable.
Deacon: The only swim diapers in her size are blue ones with boy stuff on them.
Carys: She’ll live.
Deacon: Wait! Score! Got one in the back with flowers.
Carys: They’re all going to the same place ultimately. But that’s cool.
Deacon: I’m getting a bunch of buckets and shovels.
Carys: We don’t need more than one of each. It’s just her.
Deacon: And me. And you. We need buckets, Carys. And shovels.
Carys: Ok. LOL
Deacon: What about this hat?
He sent a photo of something that looked like a pink bonnet.
Carys: For who? My grandmother?
Deacon: For Sunny.
Carys: That’s for a woman, isn’t it?
Deacon: I don’t know. Maybe?
Carys: Pretty sure that would eat up her whole head. Anyway, I’ve got a hat for her.
Then he sent a photo of himself wearing the bonnet. It swallowed his head.