“But I can’t—”
“I can be professional, Rome. You and I are both mature adults who can handle this. Whether we’re together or apart, we really do make a great team. Let’s not ruin that.”
She shut her mouth, having nothing to say in response. She loved her job. It was obvious every time I saw her in her office, every time she talked about a new project she was working on. She had the kind of compassion that was a necessity for Humanitarians United. Frankly, she was the most qualified person in the building.
At least I would get to see her every day—even if I didn’t see her every night.
When she said nothing else, I assumed that meant she would stay on board. “I don’t understand you, Calloway. I thought I did, but I really don’t. How can you run a place like Ruin, and then go to work every day at a place like Humanitarians United? It’s like you’re two different people.”
“Because I am two different people. I started Humanitarians United to balance out the terrible things my father did to innocent people who didn’t have any way to fight him. I run it every day to offset the dark things I’m into… To make up for them.”
She watched my expression, her thoughts a mystery.
Now there was nothing else for me to do besides walk away…but that seemed impossible. “I don’t want this to end…”
“It has to. You and I want different things and neither one of us will change our minds.”
No, I could never abandon who I really was. I could only fight it for short periods of time. And after Rome explained what had happened to her, I couldn’t blame her for being afraid. I’d lied to her for the past six months. It didn’t surprise me that her guard was up again.
“I just wish you had told me the truth, Calloway. Finding out from Christopher…” She didn’t finish the sentence.
Earlier that evening, I’d decided to sit down and talk to her about everything. But to say that now would just be empty words. Now I had to walk out of this apartment and not look back. I’d have to look at her at work every day and know she was no longer mine. I’d have to sleep in my large bed alone, wishing she were beside me. I’d have to find a sub that could please me, but the idea of any woman but Rome nearly repulsed me. “I know.”
12
Calloway
The finality of the breakup didn’t hit me until I got home.
Once I was inside my house and accepted that she wouldn’t be joining me, I realized I was truly alone. My enormous bed upstairs would feel twice as big without a person to share it with. I would only cook dinner for one each night. When I sat on the couch and watched TV, she wouldn’t lie on my chest, her hair brushing against my neck.
Rome was really gone.
My first instinct was to head to the liquor cabinet.
And drink away my sorrow.
I sat at the kitchen table and faced my backyard, placing the bottle of scotch and the glass on the table. I stared at the label before I poured myself a drink and swirled the ice cubes. Then I downed it in a single gulp, feeling the fire move down my throat all the way into my stomach.
“Fuck.” I leaned over the table and rubbed my temple, realizing I hadn’t hit a low point like this for six months. One of the first times she slept over, I had a nightmare and tried to drink myself into a stupor. But that woman told me to shove my drinks up my ass and get over it.
I already missed her.
I thought about the course of our relationship and wondered what I could have done to save it. If I’d told her the truth sooner, would she still be in my life? If I had walked away from Ruin before Christopher appeared, could I have given her the life she wanted? So many different possibilities, but all of them led to the same destination.
Losing her.
I had been happy with Isabella until I spotted Rome in that bar. Once I broke it off with Isabella, I didn’t feel anything for her. There was no pain, no regret. Like it had never happened, it was hardly a memory.
But with Rome, I felt like I’d died a million deaths.
It was pure agony.
I’d never felt this terrible—not once.
I pulled out my phone, and without really thinking, I called Jackson.
“So, what happened?” he barked the second he took the call. “Did Christopher rat you out?”
“Of course he did.” I poured another glass, spilling drops of scotch onto the table. “Told Rome everything.”
“And?”
“She left me.” The words hurt to say out loud. It was far worse than saying it in my head. I closed my eyes and felt my temple thud with a migraine.