Jackson picked up on my resigned tone. He didn’t gloat or even seem happy. It was one of the rare times he actually showed compassion. “Sorry, man…”
I didn’t have any friends because I preferred solitude. Acquaintances were easier, much simpler. Friendships required expectations, and expectations always led to disappointments. And disappointments led to reevaluation of said friendships. So, Jackson was all I had. “She doesn’t want anything to do with our lifestyle. I have no choice but to accept it.”
“It sucks right now, but you’ll get through it, Cal.”
Would I? This feeling in my stomach was new. I felt sick.
“Are you drinking?”
“What else would I be doing?” I downed the shot and slammed the glass onto the surface of the wood.
“Want me to come by?”
“No.” I sat in the darkness and looked out the window, listening to the memory of Rome’s laugh in my ears.
“You know…if this woman is different, maybe you should try the vanilla route. You wouldn’t be the first.” Jackson spent so much time giving me shit for turning my back on Ruin, and now he was encouraging me to do it.
“We both know I couldn’t do it—at least not forever.” Something would give eventually. I would have to break it off and hurt her because she refused to allow me to tie her up. I’d have to find someone who would allow me to do it instead.
“I’m sorry,” he said for the third time. “Is there anything I can do?”
I eyed the scotch, seeing that it was half empty. “No. There’s nothing anyone can do for me.”
I didn’t sleep that night.
I stayed at the dining table, drunk out of my mind. When the sun rose the next morning and peeked through my blinds, I wasn’t entirely sober. But I wasn’t wasted either. I had a hot shower then threw on the first suit I could find.
I looked forward to seeing Rome at the office. A stupid part of me hoped she would have reconsidered overnight and had decided to give us another chance. But the pragmatic man inside me knew there was no possibility of that ever happening.
So now I dreaded it.
I wouldn’t have to interact with her often, but there was always a possibility I would see her on a regular basis. Maybe we would pass each other in the hallway on the way to lunch. Maybe she would be in the conference room with her team as I walked by. There were endless scenarios in which my eyes could fall on her.
I arrived at the office later than usual and grabbed my messages from my secretary. I didn’t spot Rome in the hallway, and I purposely didn’t walk past her office. Once I was behind my black doors and had plenty of privacy, I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers, releasing a sigh that carried my pain.
I needed to snap out of this.
Rome was just a woman.
They came and went.
I shook it off and got to work, but my focus only lasted an hour at the most. My thoughts drifted back to that busty brunette with those long legs running through my mind. I didn’t just miss having her in my bed because the sex was great. I missed holding her, brushing my lips against her soft hair. I missed telling her about my day, telling her things I never told anyone else.
It felt like I’d lost a friend.
The end of the day couldn’t come soon enough. I was eager to leave the office space I shared with her. Pretending everything was fine to everyone I talked to was much more difficult than I thought it was going to be.
When I finally left for the day, I felt some of the stress leave my shoulders. I walked to the elevators and happened to catch one right when the doors opened. I stepped inside and hit the lobby button.
Because I was the unluckiest man in the world, Rome rounded the corner, obviously leaving for the day too. She stopped when she saw me, her eyes immediately glued to mine. It didn’t seem like she was going to take the elevator, but it would be stupid for her not to. She could easily have to wait ten minutes for the next one.
I held the door open and nodded for her to come inside.
She tightened her purse over her shoulder like I might snatch it and walked inside.
I released the door and returned to my side of the elevator, my hands resting in my pockets.
The elevator began to move, and it was the tensest two minutes of my life.
Rome looked at anything but me, keeping her eyes trained on the metal door in front of her. She pulled her hair over one shoulder, trying to block her face from my view. Her perfume filled the small space, hinting of flowers in summer.