I drop my hands and glare at her. I see nothing but red when I look at her. “What gave you that fucking idea? I’m twenty years old and am barely making it in life. My band isn’t going anywhere and our last record fucking flopped. What part of that screams I’m ready to fucking settle down?”
“Nothing, but we can get a nanny and I have money. You have the money from your grandma. We can get a bigger place.”
I stand there, staring at her like she has three heads. “You’ve got to be kidding me! You’re what, a minute pregnant and you’re already talking about a fucking nanny? You want some stranger raising your kid?”
“Our child.”
“This is not fucking happening.”
“Well it is, Liam.” She stands and walks over to me. As soon as she touches me, I shy away. I can’t do this with her, not right now. I sidestep her an
d rush out of my apartment. As soon as I’m in the hallway, I’m out of the emergency exit and literally flying down the stairs.
I’m standing outside without a hat and sunglasses. Not that I’m expecting people to come up to me, but I like the security having those items provides. I hail a taxi and give the driver Harrison’s address. I lean back in the seat and close my eyes. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him, but this can’t go on. We’re better than this and something has to change.
I pay my fair and climb the steps to Harrison apartment. He wants to move, but we’re still not making any money. At this point we’re better off having a minimum wage job and playing out of a garage. At least what we make would be our own. Right now everyone is dipping their hands into our cookie jar and when all is said and done, we’re lucky if there’s a crumb we can share.
I rap my knuckles on his door. He answers straight away and lets me in. I’ve interrupted his time with his game console and wish I could sit down next to him and play like I used to with Mason. Maybe that’s what I need, a trip back to Beaumont. That would put my life in perspective. I can take Sam home and introduce her to my dad. She’s exactly the trophy wife mold that he wanted for me. I could go to junior college, play football and still attend the NFL combine.
My destiny is in my hands except I can’t grasp it. Every time I try, it slips through like sand.
“What’s up?” he asks as he turns off the television. “Want a beer?”
“Yeah or ten.”
He laughs and returns with two, one for him and one for me. I pop the top and guzzle as much as I can without choking. This is better than milk any day.
“What’s on your mind?”
I run my hand through my hair and down the rest of the bottle. “I need a hiatus or a break to figure shit out. We’re better than that record we put out.”
Harrison sighs. “I’ve been thinking the same thing. I’ve picked up some nights at Metro because I have bills to pay.”
“I can give you the money.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not that. I’m not feeling the sound. It’s different.”
“I agree. I want to ask Sam to shop us around. I don’t want to do another album with ME, their direction isn’t where I want to go.”
“Me either.”
At least we agree on something. He may not agree with the next thing I’m going to tell him, but I need to give myself some space to think logically and I can’t do that here.
“Listen, I’m going to take off for a bit and get my head straight. I don’t like myself much right now and I’m afraid that I could damage what we’re trying to do. I want to go someplace where I can get my shit in order, stop smoking and maybe not drink so much. I want to write and not worry about people taking my picture or who my girlfriend is.”
“Yeah, I hear you, that’s cool. Where are you thinking?”
“I don’t know. I figured I’d pack a bag, hit LAX and see what’s on the board. I’ll have my phone with me though, so you call if anything comes up or you need me, right?”
“Yeah, man. Have fun.”
I stand and feel like I need to hug it out with him, but don’t. I don’t want this to be goodbye, but something tells me that he’s not going to call and I may not come back.
And if I do, I won’t be the same Liam Page I am now.
Chapter 42
The ocean waves crash around my feet. My toes burrow deeper into the sand with each wave. I have to leave my paradise tomorrow and return to my life. For the past seven months I’ve been living in Australia, on the beach, and wearing mostly board shorts. Of course when I arrived, I landed my sorry ass here in the heart of summer. Now that their winter weather is moving in, I’m freezing my ass off.