I direct us back toward my apartment. I’d rather be alone with her behind the privacy of my own walls than out in public. There are too many prying eyes and loose lips around here. The gossip-mongers are relentless and the last thing I want to do is hurt Sam. Most know she’s my manager, but for those who don’t, I don’t want those assholes blurting out my indiscretions in front of her. She’d have to do damage control because she wants to be with me.
“Want to stop for coffee?”
“Not really, Sam.” I strong arm her back into the hotel and let go of her as soon as we’re a safe distance from the door. She slumps against the elevator wall, avoiding eye contact with me. “I just don’t want coffee right now.”
“I know. I was just trying to stay out longer. The sun felt good.”
I step closer and kiss her lightly on the lips. “We can go to the pool? Sit up on the roof?” I don’t know what spurs me to kiss her or ask her, but it feels good. She smiles and nods as the doors slide open. “Let’s go change.”
I watch Sam in my small kitchen. She’s cooking and to me that’s such a novel idea. I haven’t had a home cooked meal since I was living with my grandma. Maybe Sam remembers this, I don’t know. She was my rock when my grandma died. She took care of everything. I would’ve been lost without Sam in that moment. I don’t even know if I thanked her for everything that she did.
She’s wearing a white, see-through cover-up over her red bikini. A swimsuit that I happen to like and am thinking she needs to take the cover-up off. We spent two hours laying in the sun and lounging in the pool. I should spend more time up here, but never think about coming up here by myself. I feel energized and relaxed. I need to get back into running. It’s been so long since I ran. I miss the feel of the wind against my skin. Running on a treadmill won’t cut it. I need to run near my grandma’s old house on the trail system. Be one with nature.
Sam turns and smiles. “What are you staring at?”
“You. Is that okay?”
She rolls her eyes and turns back to whatever it is she’s doing. “Go sit down, Liam.”
I do as she says, relaxing into the couch. She appears in front of me with a plate of food and a glass of milk.
“Milk?” I deadpan.
“It’s good for you.”
“I haven’t had milk since I was eighteen.”
She shakes her head slightly while placing a napkin in her lap. “That was two years ago, surely you know how to drink milk.”
Ouch on the age comment. She doesn’t need to rub in the fact that she’s older than me. “Fine. I get why I’m drinking milk, but why are you?”
Her hands still in her lap and she clears her throat. She shifts slightly and faces me. Her smile is forced. I sit back and wait for her to deliver whatever it is that’s sure to ruin our day. She reaches for my hand and I let her hold it. I don’t have a clue what’s going on and how just a few minutes ago everything was fine but now there’s definitely something wrong.
“I’m pregnant.”
My heart stops.
I forget how to breathe.
Everything about this moment is wrong.
She’s supposed to be brunette, not blond.
She has brown eyes, not blue.
“Say something.”
I shake my head. I have nothing to say. I’ve only wanted to hear those words from one person and she’s not her. I don’t care how long I live for, I don’t want children with anyone but her and that’s never going to happen.
“Liam?”
“Don’t,” I say through clenched teeth. “Don’t say my fucking name.”
“Okay,” she replies nervously.
I stand, kicking the coffee table over. Food and milk crash to the floor, ceramic and glass breaking. Sam jumps, but right now I don’t care. “What the fuck?” I scream while holding my head.
“I thought you’d be happy,” she says weakly.