“No way,” I argued. “My father wanted nothing more than for all of us to go to Texas Tech, just like him and all our relatives.”
She shrugged. “I was there. This is what happened. He thought Landon should be more serious about school and about sports. He wanted Landon to go to Stanford and try to walk onto the football team, which Landon didn’t want to do.”
“That at least sounds like my father.”
“Yeah. Landon was a good football player, but he always preferred golf. He got into a huge argument with your dad one night right before the deadline where we both had to decide where we were going to school. His dad said that he needed to break up with me or something like, if I was so important, then we could make it work long distance. As you know, your dad died shortly after that.”
I nodded. That part, I was well aware of.
“Landon felt…responsible for what happened. As if that argument had pushed him over the edge.”
“He wasn’t and it didn’t.”
“I knew that; I still know that. But the last thing that he ever said to your dad was something mean, and he couldn’t cope. He accepted the full ride to Stanford because that’s what your dad had wanted, and I took the Oklahoma spot. Then, Landon was just…gone.”
“Gone?”
“Adrift. I tried to bring him back and to help, but he disappeared those next couple of weeks before graduation. We were still together. I knew he still loved me, but he was broken. So, he broke up with me the day of graduation. He told me that he’d talked it over with his family—with you—and you’d all agreed it was best.”
“We never talked about this. He told me that you were going to different colleges, and you’d grown apart.”
“Well, I see now that you didn’t know.” She swallowed hard. “But, as you can imagine, as an eighteen-year-old, I was heartbroken. He still loved me. I still loved him. I knew he was only doing this because of what happened to your father. I tried calling him and messaging him and emailing him. No answer. He just disappeared off the face of the planet. I know he got my messages. He never blocked me. He knew how much I was hurting and ignored it. Sound familiar?”
I winced. It did. I’d seen her messages and how desperate she was. I’d put her in the same spot Landon had ten years ago, and I hadn’t even known it. And I’d done it for no good reason.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she whispered. “But, as you can see, history repeating itself wasn’t so good on my psyche. Landon made his choice all those years ago. I know he did what he thought was right. I just hated all of you for a long time because of him.”
We walked on in the snow in silence for another minute. I didn’t know what to say to all of that. I hadn’t realized how hurt Landon had been. When he’d disappeared to Stanford, I’d thought he’d been fine. Boy, was I wrong.
“So, since we’re being all open and honest now,” Emery said, glancing over at me. “Did you see Vanessa when you were in New York?”
“I did,” I answered slowly.
I weighed my options. How much could I tell her right now. There were still things that she didn’t know. Things that I knew I should tell her. But she looked so tense and ready to run. I worried one more thing would push her over the edge. I promised myself that I would tell her though when the time was right.
“But I didn’t go there to see her, and absolutely nothing happened. I was there for business.”
“Landon said it was complicated between the two of you.”
“It is. Vanessa is complicated,” I confirmed.
She crossed her arms over her chest, as if she were trying to keep her insides from squirming at the thought.
“But it’s not like that,” I rushed on. “I told you once that I could never be with her after what had happened, and that hasn’t changed.”
“Then, why did you see her?”
“We’re divorced, but not…disentangled. It’s complicated.”
“Disentangled?”
God, I didn’t know how to explain this. “I’m working on the disentangling, part of the reason I went up there. Plus, I was selling off a part of Tarman. I bought the company to dismantle it,” I confessed.
She frowned and pursed her lips. She looked like she was considering everything else I had just said and finding it unsatisfactory.
“That’s not really an answer,” she said finally. “Why did you see her?”
“She still lives in my apartment in New York.”
“Why the hell would you let her live there?”
“This is part of the disentangling,” I admitted. Soon. I would tell her soon.
“And nothing happened?”
“Emery, no,” I said softly.
“I know, I know,” she said, shaking her head. “I should trust you in return. If you said it’s not like that, then it’s not like that.”