Huh? "Live fire?"
"What? You didnt think you were learning Ml6 rifle safety in the classroom for nothing, did you?"
Umm. . .
Chapter 18
Sometimes Im a kick-ass Jewish warrior woman. and sometimes Im not.
Everyone is totally surprised when Avi and I catch up to them on the night run. Theres a big bonfire, and everyone is sitting around it. Sergeant B-S walks up to Avi and me and says something in Hebrew, which is obviously about me because Avi gestures to my torn uniform and scraped-up chin when he answers.
"You dont want to go back to the base?" Sergeant B-S asks.
"No. " I have to admit Im still in some pain, but whatever numbing stuff was on that pad Avi used on my arms has taken the edge off.
Sergeant B-S nods approvingly. "Gefen, make sure she gets checked when we get back. "
Avi salutes the sergeant.
The bonfire lights up the area and spreads warmth into the cool desert air. I could point out to Sergeant B-S that if my headlight could alert the enemy to our location, a big bonfire would most likely ensure our immediate demise. But whatever. Im trying to go with the flow here.
"You dont have to sit with me," I tell Avi as he hesitates at my side. Hes probably desperate to get away from me and go to his girlfriend. While he was super nice to me when we were alone, it was obviously out of duty. Now that Liron is in sight, hes surely waiting for me to let him off the hook. "You should talk to Liron," I say. "Theres an empty spot next to her. Shes probably saving it for you. "
He looks surprised, but he nods his head and shrugs. "You sure?"
"Yep. Ill be fine. Go. " Ugh. My stomach is tied in knots as he walks away from me. I wish I hadnt pushed him to go to her, but its better than asking him to sit with me and have him reject me. . . or worse, have him sit next to me but long to be with Liron.
I find a spot next to Tori.
"You look like crap," she tells me.
"Thanks. Im sure I couldnt have figured that out on my own. "
"Your bangs look good, though, thanks to me. Although the only way to hide the nasty cuts on your chin would be to grow a beard. I dont think itll be too hard for you. "
I stand up. "If I wanted to be insulted, I would have sat next to Nathan. Nice talking to you. Bye. "
"Wait!" she says, reaching out to grab the side of my pants. "I was just kidding. "
"Do you even know how to be nice?"
I can see Tori perfectly in the light of the fire. Her blond hair shines like a halo, and her darker hair underneath looks like a protective shield. She looks up at me and says honesty, "I used to. "
So now I feel sorry for her. Her little sincere comments make her vulnerable, which is something we have in common. I sit back down and stare into the fire.
"My parents thought Id get over my anger about their divorce if I spent time with kids my own age and my own religion. " She shakes her head in disgust. "Parents have no clue what their kids need. "
Ha. "You think thats bad? I came on this trip to spend time with Avi. Look where thats gotten me. " I gesture to Avi, sitting next to Liron.
"You think thats bad? My dad has a new girlfriend," Tori blurts out. "He says he wasnt dating her before they got divorced, but Im not stupid. "
"Thats nothing. My mom dated a new guy every month before my stepfather. She totally had dating ADD. Then she got married and pregnant all in a year. Im afraid shell get parent ADD and not want the kid. . . or Marc. "
"As long as were playing Whose Life Sucks More?, I can one-up you yet again. My parents just got divorced and my dad already cancels the weekends hes supposed to have me. My mom hopes he moves away and never comes back so she doesnt have to deal with him. But thats not what I want. I just wish. . . I just wish things could go back to the way they were. "
I gaze longingly at Avi. "I do, too. " I sigh, resigned to living in the real world.
Jess groans as she sits down next to us.
"Where have you been, Cleo?" I ask my best friend.
"Cleo? Wait, what happened to your chin? Did George the Zit spread?"
"No. While you were being carried like Cleopatra on the stretcher, the real wounded--me--finished the run bandaged up like Frankenstein. "
"Yeah, well /just puked my guts out. Did you ever realize how much vertigo you can get lying on a stretcher bouncing up and down like a frickin basketball? I had a death grip on the sides the entire time. I seriously thought I was gonna bounce right off. "
Miranda, who I just notice is sitting on the other side of Tori, leans forward. "Im sick of hearing you guys be all negative. I want each of you to say something positive. "
Positive? I point to my gauzed-up forearms, gesture to my bloody chin and then to Avi talking to Liron, and then, as the cherry on top of my miserable life, I lift up my bangs to show off George the Zit.
"Say something, Amy," Miranda insists. "Something positive. Im sure itll make you feel better. "
"Okay, Miranda. Ive got it. " I motion the girls to lean in close to hear my positive words. "At least Im not dead. "
Hows that for positivity?
I have to admit it does make me feel better.
Chapter 19
Physical strength is needed for obstacle courses, but mental strength is needed when being close to your ex-boyfriend
Tori plops herself down on my cot during a fifteen-minute break the next day. "I hear were sleeping in the desert at some point. "
"Why would we do that when we live in such luxury-right here?" I gesture at the bulging springs above me.
"Maybe they want to toughen us up. "
"Oh, please. Im tough enough. Any tougher and Ill grow balls and a hairy chest. "
As if the thought of sleeping in the desert at night isnt scary enough, Ronit is leading us to the activity Avi warned me about.
Shooting an M16 rifle.
So now were all standing in line, waiting to be issued a big rifle.
"Im afraid of guns," I say, but nobody seems to be listening to me. Theyre all too excited. I guess it wouldnt hurt to hold the thing.
I have to sign for it and check that the serial number of the issued weapon, written next to my name, matches the actual number on the rifle. I can almost feel testicles growing between my legs as its handed to me (Im kidding, of course. . . about the testicles growing between my legs, not about being handed my very own weapon).
"Do you have any colors besides black?" I ask the guy handing out the guns. "Are you kidding?"
"Of course Im kidding. Although I wouldnt mind a pink one to match my luggage. " The guy shakes his head and I think he mumbles something like American princess, but I cant be sure.
You should see the American boys in our unit as theyre given their weapons. By the GI Joe expressions on their faces, youd think they were just handed a Man Badge.
"Ill show you mine if you show me yours," Nathan jokes when were standing under a canopy at the range, waiting for further instructions.
"Dont annoy me, Nathan. I have a gun. " Of course its big and bulky and warm from the summer sun. I sling it over my shoulder, feeling every bit of a soldier now. I definitely look the part.
"Its not loaded," Nathan responds dryly.
After handing us safety goggles and earmuffs, Sergeant B-S brings out a big box full of metal "magazines" and shows us how to insert the empty magazine into the bottom of the rifle. Weve learned about the parts of the M16 and the different types of bullets in the classroom. Weapons safety has been drilled into my head.
Rules of gun safety in a non-combat environment:
Never point the weapon at a person, and always point it in a safe direction
Dont put your finger on the trigger until youre ready to shoot the weapon
Keep the weapon unloaded until youre ready to use it
After loading their magazines with bullets and shoving them into their weapons, Avi and Liron lie on their stomachs in front
of canvas sandbags, with one leg straight and the other leg bent for support. With their rifles resting on the sandbags, they aim for the paper target in front of them and. . . bang!
When they get up and were ordered into position on the range for dry firing--shooting without bullets, that is--I raise my hand.
Nimrod comes over to help. "Amy, whats the problem?"
"Im not sure I can do this. Im not really a gun person. "
He laughs. "Thats a good joke. Hey, Gefen! Come here!"
Avi jogs over to us. "Whats going on?"
"Amy here says shes not a gun person?
"Youll be shooting a target, Amy. Not people," Avi says.
"Yeah, I get that, but. . . Im afraid of the kickback, or sidekick or whatever you call it, and the noise. I have sensitive ears. "
"Its called recoil. " Nimrod rolls his eyes. "Gefen, you deal with your girlfriend. "
"Were not dating anymore!" I call after Nimrod as he hurries off to help someone else.
Avi lifts the earmuffs off my ears. "No need to shout. Can we be friends today?"
"Sure," I say, putting the earmuffs back in place. "Friends. "
Avi crouches. "Lie down. "
I lie on the ground and rest the rifle on the sandbag. Avi checks the weapon, making sure the bullet chamber thingy is empty.
"Theres no recoil in dry firing," he assures me. "Now move the lever from safe to semi. Make sure its never on auto or youll empty that magazine with one trigger pull. "
I move the toggle to semi. Then I double and triple check it to make sure I didnt accidentally move it to auto. That would not be fun.
"Now settle the hand guard of the weapon into the V between your thumb and forefinger on your non-firing hand. " He gently takes my knee and slides it up so its bent. "Bending one knee gives you more support. Aim at your target through the sight guide. "When youre ready, put your finger on the trigger. "
"Avi?"
"Yeah?"
I look up at him. "Im embarrassed to say this, because I really am against killing and guns. But Im kind of getting a rush from this. I feel powerful with a gun this big in my hands. "
"Wait to say that until after you sleep with it tonight. "
"Huh?"
"Soldiers sleep with their gun every night theyre on base or on duty. Come on, stop stalling. Aim at your target, control your breathing, and squeeze the trigger after you exhale. "
I look through the sight thingy, aim at my paper target, and pull the trigger.
"Good. Do it again. "
I keep dry firing until Sergeant B-S comes around and tells us all to put the rifles on safe mode.
Were told to fill our magazines with ten bullets and push the magazine into the rifle. "When youre ready, switch to the semi position and fire one at a time until your magazine is empty," Sergeant B-S instructs us.
I get back in position and line up the sights with my target, but Im too nervous to shoot. I hear everyone else firing their guns on either side of me. Listen, disasters happen to me wherever I go, and I cant keep random thoughts from running through my head. What if the M16 misfires? What if the shell of the bullet hits me when its ejected and burns my scalp as it lands on my head? What if the recoil dislocates my shoulder?