The rest of us wait to be led on our run. I dont know what to do with my headlight, so I strap it on my head and turn the light off. Yes, Im aware it looks ridiculous, but at least it covers up George.
Sergeant B-S points to the front of the line. "Stretcher people, move up front. People with jerry cans are next. Then slow runners and then good runners. "
"Why are good runners last?" I question.
"So they can help the runners who arent so fast," Liron informs us. "Were only as good as our slowest runner. "
"I need a volunteer," Sergeant B-S barks out.
Yeah, right. As if. Jess and I look at each other knowingly. Weve been warned not to volunteer. Especially when we dont even know what were volunteering for. Plus, Im dreading running at night as it is. . . the last thing I need to do is carry something as well. I have my big boobs to carry, which is more than enough for one person to handle.
Since nobody raises their hand, Sergeant B-S walks among us to pick the unlucky person for the mysterious task. I learned a long time ago that you lessen your chances of being picked if you dont make eye contact with the picker. I concentrate on my fingernails instead, as if I find my cuticles the most interesting things Ive ever laid my eyes on.
Out of the corner of my eye I see Sergeant B-S moving in front of me. I hold my breath and pray he passes me.
He does. Phew.
But he stops right in front of Jessica. "You," he says.
Oh, no. Poor Jess.
"Me?" Jess chokes out.
"Move to the front of the line. Youll be carried on the stretcher, as the pretend-wounded. "
Jesss eyes light up. "So I dont have to run?"
"No. "
"Cool!" Jess gives me an excited look before taking her place on the stretcher. I watch in envy as the stretcher-carriers lift her up.
The line starts moving, and already I feel like Im in the Chicago Marathon. I sure hope we wont be running 26. 2 miles. We start out at a slow jog on the paved road, but then the front of the line gains momentum and speed just as were led up some rocky areas.
Jess is lying down, enjoying a ride on a stretcher, while Im running with a dorky unlit headlight strapped to my head. Avi is bringing up the rear with Nimrod. Theyre both in full military gear again, with vests, rifles, and everything, which is probably heavier than the jerry cans.
The area gets steeper and steeper. Were running up a mountain. I wonder if, when I get to the top, I can just roll down. Soon Im struggling to keep up. Miranda has fallen behind, and I hear Nimrod urging her on.
I try to drink from my canteen, but it all spills down my neck and the front of my shirt because its not easy to drink and run at the same time.
Im not a fast runner, and when the good runners catch up to me, I get frustrated. Especially because I see Jess in the distance, lying on the stretcher like Cleopatra being carried by her manservants.
When Im sweating and panting and think I cant run anymore, Avis words from earlier echo in my head. Push yourself. I have faith in you.
I run faster, the mantra helping me along. I feel victorious when I catch up to the guys running with the jerry cans.
Avis right. I can do this. My arms are moving fast, my legs are moving fast, and Im ignoring the fact that my canteen is banging against my side with every stride. I think of all the soldiers who have it worse, like everyone in the Sayeret Tzefa unit. They have to carry a big rifle, wear a heavy vest, and still run.
Im a machine now, running fast without thinking about how much I hate it or want to go to sleep. Im not thinking about Avi, or George the Zit, or Nathan, or Tori, or Miranda, or even Jess aka Cleopatra. . . I am one with the earth.
Except. . .
My toe hits what must be a rock, stopping my momentum. Im gonna fall. I try to get my hands out to break the impact, but my reflexes arent as fast as my feet.
I slam to the ground. Im not lucky enough to fall on pavement or grass--just gravel and stones. My hips get slammed against sharp rocks. Pebbles slice into my forearms as I slide over them. As my chin scrapes the ground like a plane landing on a runway, my headlight slides off George and crashes onto the bridge of my nose, blocking my view.
Damn. That. Hurt.
My body is paralyzed from shock and pain. Im afraid to move. My forearms are burning like someone has lit a match, and the flames are licking my skin.
Some people have passed me, but others have stopped. Theres commotion. At least I havent fainted, which is a good thing.
"Are you okay?" someone asks.
"She totally wiped out," someone else adds.
"Amy!" Its Avis voice. He doesnt sound like a military commando anymore. He sounds concerned. His concern, along with the burning in my arms and knees and chin, makes me emotional. As I swallow back tears, a warm, comforting hand pulls off my headlight and pushes the hair out of my face. "Amy, can you move?"
I dread the thought of moving. Id rather stay here for a while because I fear the additional injuries Ive gotten and dont know about yet. "I think so," I say, wincing as I attempt, and fail, to sit up. "Oh, God, Im so embarrassed. "
Avi orders the gawkers to keep going. Nimrod urges the unit forward and leaves Avi to tend to my injuries.
"Everyones gone. Its just us. "
"Arent we going to get in trouble if were alone?" I sniff a couple of times, then wipe my nose with my sleeve. Im giving up preserving my ego. In fact, my ego is nonexistent now. . . I think I left it back in Chicago.
"Its fine. Im trained in first aid. "
I swipe away the tears running down my cheeks as Avi slowly helps me sit up.
"Im fine," I say, sniffing again. "I need to get up so I can finish the run. "
"Youre not doing anything until I know the extent of your injuries. "
I push his hands away as he pulls up my now shredded sleeves. "Stop. "
"Dont be stubborn, Amy. " I try to stand, but Avi pushes me back down. He swears when he bends my elbow and sees the damage. "Youre hurt. Theres blood all over your arms. "
"It doesnt matter. If you got your arm shot off, youd jump right up and finish the run because youre superhuman. "
"Im not superhuman. "
"Sure you are. Liron is, too. "
He stops his examination and looks at me. "Huh?"
"Shes the female version of you. If she fell, shed jump up and finish this stupid running exercise on these stupid rocks that jut out of the stupid ground without warning. "
"Thats a lot of stupids," he says.
"Yeah, well, thats how I feel right now. Like everything is stupid. " I feel my hot, stupid tears streaming down my dirty, dusty face.
"I need to clean out your stupid wounds with some stupid water. Okay?" He pours water from his canteen on my arms.
I suck in my breath. "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. "
"Sorry. Just hang in there. " He unzips a pocket on his vest and takes out what I guess is first aid stuff. He rips open a packet and pulls out a little white antiseptic pad.
I jerk my arm away in anticipation of the antiseptic on my open wounds. "Ouch!" I say before he even touches me with it. "Its gonna sting. "
"Only for a second. Itll help numb it, too. Trust me. "
I give him a "yeah, right" look.
"Trust me," he says, so tenderly it rocks my insides.
He takes one arm and gently wipes the cloth over my wound. "When I wince, he softly blows on the cut, easing the sting. I close my eyes and try to focus on the pain instead of his breath and his fingers touching my skin.
Feeling his soft breath makes me think about when we were under the blanket on the couch at my condo. His kisses started at my lips, trailed over my skin, and then his breath followed those kisses. . . and then his tongue followed that same path, giving me goose bumps. "When he stopped, I begged him to do it again and again. And he did.
"The last thing I want is a female version of me," he says as hes busy pulling out anothe
r antiseptic pad. He takes my other arm and cleans it, blowing on it gently like before. It feels so good I never want him to stop. My anger at him weakens with each touch of his hand and each whisper of his breath on my skin. I hope he doesnt notice.
He bandages both my forearms with gauze. "Its only a temporary fix until I get you to the infirmary, but itll have to do. What else hurts?"
"Everything. My hips are burning, my knees are burning. My chin feels raw. " Even my heart hurts--being this close to him and knowing that our relationship is over stabs like a knife. I moan.
"Does anything feel like its broken?" he asks, his arm supporting my back.
"No. " Nothing besides my heart, but that had nothing to do with my fall.
He pushes up my pants leg, and his fingers run over my knee checking the damage. He makes me bend and straighten my leg a couple of times. "No cuts or broken bones, but youre gonna have some nasty bruises tomorrow.
I take a deep breath, gulping back tears. My breath comes out in little spurts. I hate showing this much weakness, especially in front of someone who protects his own at all costs. "Thanks for helping me, Avi. "
He rubs my chin with another pad. He cups my cheeks in his hands and swipes my tears away with his thumbs. "Im your team leader. Youre my responsibility. "
Duh! I shouldve known he wasnt being this nice because he still cared about me. I hold back a response. Time stops, though, as being this close brings back a flood of emotions. Avi leans forward, and I wonder whether, if I lean in, well kiss. I turn away before Im tempted to try it. What if he turns away and my lips connect with his cheek? Id die from embarrassment.
He packs up the unused gauze and the open packets. "Im taking you back to the base now," he says, lifting me up and carrying me in his strong, protective arms.
While its so tempting to lean my head into his neck and let him take care of me, his words from this morning are still echoing in my head.
"Avi, I want to finish the run. " I swear I can almost hear my bruised body scream "no/" But I want to push myself. I want to prove to myself, to Avi, and to my entire unit that Im a warrior woman. Back when we were digging ditches, Liron accused Avi of taking it easy on me. And as much as I feel happy and safe in Avis arms, and would love to be carried down the mountain because my body is protesting every movement I make, I dont want to give up.
He slowly puts me down. "You dont have to. "
"I know. But you told me this morning to push myself. "
He shakes his head and points to my torn pants and shirt. "Not while youre bleeding and hurt. "
I show him my gauze-covered arms. "Would you run even if you were bleeding?"
"Probably. "
"Would Liron do it?"
"Probably. But shes been training alongside us Sayeret Tzefa trainees. "
"Yeah, well, if she can do it, so can I. " I strap on my canteen and slide my hot-pink headlight onto my head. I must look ridiculous with torn clothes, a scraped-up chin, and a hot-pink light that Im not allowed to turn on, but Ive got determination on my side. "Im a kick-ass Jewish warrior woman and dont you forget it. "
"I wont," he says, smiling as we start at a slow jog up the mountain to try and catch up with everyone else. "Im looking forward to seeing how a kick-ass Jewish warrior woman does at live-fire rifle shooting tomorrow. "