ChapterFive
Reality sucks
Lilly sat on the couch in Riley’s living room, friends and family mingling as they spoke softly, sharing remembrances of Christian.
Classic rock played throughout the room, Christian’s favorite. After the funeral, everyone gathered at Riley’s place since it had the extra room. Everyone was reminiscing about Christian, even though sadness filled every vacant spot.
She sat in one of the chairs and stared out the big picture window from across the room. The sky was a dark shade of gray as the snow steadily fell to the ground in thick flakes.
Ava, Christian’s younger sister, stood by the window, her auburn hair so much like her brother's. Ava was only twenty, ten years younger than her brother, but they had been close.
Lilly got up with her red plastic cup in hand, filled with fruit punch someone had poured for her, which she now found flavorless. She stopped in front of the window, just staring out as the snow continued its thick descent to the ground.
After a moment of silence, Lilly reached out and grabbed Ava’s hand. The young girl’s fingers were cold when she gripped them tightly.
They didn’t speak for several moments, and when she felt the small squeeze Ava gave her hand, she knew that even though Ava had to be devastated, she would somehow pull through. She did, after all, have her brother’s unyielding strength.
“What am I going to do?” Ava whispered.
Lilly glanced over at Ava, the freckles covering her cheeks a startling contrast to her porcelain-colored skin. Ava’s features were so much like Christian’s that it made Lilly’s breath halt. Ava's blue eyes were bright and moist, but Lilly could tell the girl hadn’t shed any tears yet.
“We were supposed to go to Steamboat in the summer. He told me they had the most beautiful hiking trails.”
“Oh, honey.” Lilly embraced Ava, the girl finally crying as her slender body shook from the force of her emotions. “I’m so sorry. You have to stay strong, though.” Grief overtook her, and with fat tears falling down her cheeks, Lilly pulled Ava away.
“I can’t. It hurts too bad,” Ava said, her voice pained.
Lilly’s heart was breaking, and she couldn’t stop her own tears from falling. “I know, but you know how your brother would have scoffed over us crying. You know how stubborn he was, demanding that we smile because it uses less muscles.”
The corner of Ava’s lips lifted slightly, and Lilly brushed a tear away from her cheek. Even though she told Ava to be strong, Lilly really was a hypocrite because she was weak, so very weak that it took so much effort to even breathe in this moment.
She didn’t know what to do either, but she felt something inside of her grow stronger at seeing Christian’s baby sister crying. Ava had the same startling color of blue eyes as Christian, and it broke Lilly’s heart more because if she zoned everything out it was almost as if she were looking into his.
Lilly couldn’t show weakness in front of her. No, she needed to be strong so that Ava could draw strength from her, so that she could know life wasn’t over.
“It’s going to be painful, but that’s how you know you’re alive.” Lilly brushed a strand of stray hair from Ava’s forehead, quoting one of Christian’s many sayings and knowing the young girl had recognized it.
“The first time he told me that, Collin Spencer had just broken up with me. I had been acting like a madwoman, crying and snapping at everyone. He had sat me down and told me that exact statement. I had been so pissed at him, telling him to shove it up his ass.” Ava started to laugh, but soon that became a hard sob. “I wish I never told him that,” Ava said, sounding heartbroken.
Lilly remembered when, years ago, Collin Spencer, Ava’s first real boyfriend whom she had loved, had broken up with her. Christian had told her how crazed his sister was acting, crying nonstop, yelling at everyone.
Lilly had told him she was an emotional teenager and had just had her heart broken. He had wanted to strangle Collin. Being the devoted big brother he was, he’d felt the need to protect his baby sister. That was Christian, always so caring, dedicated, loyal, and loving.
“Christian had laughed about that actually.”
Ava looked into her face, her cheeks streaked with her drying tears as she sniffed.
“Really?”
“Of course. You know how Christian was. He laughed about stuff like that.” Lilly could tell by the way Ava’s shoulders slightly relaxed that since her brother’s death, she had done nothing but think about every fight they’d had and every detrimental thing she had ever said.
Marie, Christian’s mother, stepped up next to her daughter, the woman having the same auburn hair and blue eyes as her children. Marie’s eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, and even though Marie smiled and feigned strength, Lilly couldn’t even imagine how hard it was for her.
Lilly had spoken with Marie earlier, both of them talking about Christian as a child and about how rambunctious he had been. They had shared memories and tears for the man Christian had been. That had been a hard conversation for Lilly, but she was glad she had been able to talk about them.
Marie pulled her daughter into an embrace, but after a few seconds led Ava over to Michael, Christian and Ava’s father.
Lilly looked at the three of them, their family torn apart and each trying to keep the pieces together. It was heart wrenching to witness and something Lilly couldn’t handle. She turned away and leaned against the window frame, taking a drink of her flavorless punch as she continued to stare at the snowfall.