“You can’t truly know life until you’ve accepted death.”
Lilly didn’t need to turn and see who spoke in that deep tone. Riley was right next to her, his words spearing into her heart and clenching it in pain.
“You and your elucidations. You were like Christian in that sense.”
She felt his hand rub up and down her back.
“It’s true though.”
“I know.” And she did know that, even if it was a hard thing to come to terms with. “Everything happens for a reason. Isn’t that what Christian always said?” She turned and stared into Riley’s eyes, seeing the dark circles that lay under them and the haunted expression he held. She lifted her hand and cupped his cheek. “I love you, Riley. I want you to know that since you never know what life has in store.”
“Don’t say stuff like that.”
She couldn’t help the sad smile that tilted her lips. “What? Don’t say that I love you?” She knew what he had been referring to, but she could see that a little teasing would be therapeutic.
He shook his head and breathed out, his expression hard still. She dropped her hand and looked back out the window.
“Don’t start talking about death.”
“Why not? Isn’t it all around us?” The words that came out of her mouth were barren of any kind of emotion. Death surrounded her, and that seemed to be all she could think about.
“What happened to Christian was a fucking tragedy, an accident, but you will not let death encompass you.”
She turned with a small amount of surprise as she stared at him. Riley rarely swore, a true testament to the pain he was really feeling. “How can I not think about death? Anyone of us could die at the drop of a hat. I didn’t even get to tell Christian how much he meant to me. I won’t make that mistake again, not with you, Tallin, or anyone else for that matter.” She heard the determination in her own voice and wondered where it had come from.
He breathed out as he ran his hand over the back of his neck. “It just breaks my heart seeing you in so much pain.”
His gaze locked with hers for a suspended moment before he leaned in and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, too, Lilly, so damn much.” He walked away, his head down, his movements unhurried.
As he walked into the kitchen, her eyes moved over the room. She took in all the blackness, all the sadness and grief despite the appearance of happiness.
She saw Tallin sitting on the stairs, his red cup in his hand, his firearms braced on his thighs. He watched her intently. She smiled softly at him, realizing Tallin hadn’t spoken more than two words since last night.
The funeral had been hard on all of them, but staring into Tallin’s dark eyes, she knew he was taking it hard even though he tried to appear strong.
She pushed away from the window frame and walked toward him, stopping briefly to gaze at the posters that were set up on easels around the room.
The posters had various pictures of Christian’s life glued to them, ranging from infancy to adulthood. She stopped scanning the room and examined a picture that she knew was recent, knew this because it was similar to the one Christian had sent to her via text just a week ago.
That had been their last conversation.
He stood by an unfinished cabin, the snow-covered ground bright white against the dark coloring of his clothing. His smile was big as he posed, his arm outstretched behind him, showing the camera the incredible work he was accomplishing.
His auburn hair seemed redder in the picture, as if the sun had chosen that moment to peek through the clouds and shine down on him.
A tear slipped from her eye and made its way down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and turned from the pictures. She walked over to where Tallin was sitting. His focus was still trained on her, his jaw set tight.
She took a seat next to him, both of them staying quiet, their attention on the people around them. She felt the lightest of touches and dropped her gaze when Tallin’s hand covered hers.
Lilly could see his tattoos peek out from under the rolled up sleeves of his shirt, that dark ink snaking up and around his wrists and forearms.
His touch was light as his thumb ran over her flesh. She swallowed, fighting back her emotions. She looked up and into his face. He was already looking at her.
“You always were the strong and silent type.” She moved closer to him, held his hand tighter, and rested her head on his shoulder. He chuckled softly, the sound deep yet emotionless.
“When do you have to go back to Denver?”
“I don’t know if I’m going to go back.”
She felt him tense, and she lifted her head to stare at him. “What?”
He looked down at her. A flicker of emotions reflected in his eyes but was gone as soon as it had appeared. He smiled, and she saw a happiness cover his face she hadn’t seen since she had come back to Burkett.
“I’ve missed you so much, and with everything that has happened, you being here would be incredible.”
He pulled her into a hug. She rested her head against his chest, and the steady rhythm of his heart went through her. “I love you, Tallin. You know that right?” She felt his hand cup the back of her head and heard him exhale.
“Not as much as I love you, Lilly.”
She felt tears well up and closed her eyes, letting herself be surrounded by the ones she loved.