ChapterFour
Saying goodbye
This was a special kind of pain, the kind that had someone wishing they were numb, that the world would just open up and swallow them whole. That’s how Lilly felt.
She wanted nothing to be everything, wanted to be able to turn off her emotions, to turn off everything in her so this wasn’t a reality, so this wasn’t the cold, hard truth.
Standing under the awning at Christian’s gravesite, she wished she could see him once more, to talk to him, tell him she loved him. The calling hours had been closed casket because of the accident, of the damage he’d suffered.
Thinking about that had her heart hurting, had her feeling like she was on the cusp of passing out.
My poor, sweet Christian.
Riley stood on her left, Tallin on her right. Both men framed her, their arms wrapped around her body, giving her support and love. She wished her parents had been able to fly out, but with her mother breaking her ankle and not being able to travel, and her father not wanting to leave her, they couldn’t be here to say goodbye to their pseudo-son.
The storm would have also made it impossible for them to fly to the closest airport by Burkett. She knew they wished they could have been here.
The air was frigid, the storm quickly approaching, sooner than had been predicted. It was like the weather was angry and mourning the loss of Christian, as well.
She stared at his coffin and wrapped her wool coat more tightly around herself. Tallin and Riley must have felt her movement, or maybe they’d been watching her, because a second later they were moving even closer to her, their arms wrapping more tightly around her body.
She was grateful for their big bodies blocking the cold, keeping her stable. Even their heat couldn’t get rid of the piercing cold that spread throughout her body at the thought of Christian lying in that algid box all alone.
As the words were being said about his life, the passages reflecting on life in general, she couldn’t help but zone out as her mind thought of everything else.
Last night she’d cried until she’d fallen asleep on Riley’s couch, both of her two guys sleeping right beside her, holding her, giving her their strength even as she slept.
Her eyes felt swollen and red, and her muscles were so sore from the way she shook from crying, that her entire body ached. She was thankful she had Riley and Tallin. They were her rocks.
She reached out, grabbed Riley’s hand, and leaned her head against Tallin’s arm. Placed on top of the casket was a bundle of red roses, their color startling compared to the single white lily she had placed next to them.
Seeing that single white flower brought back so many memories that they threatened to choke her.
A lily had been the first flower Christian had ever given her. They had been going to their freshman homecoming dance, her three boys being her dates. They had each given her a flower. Tallin had given her a pink rose, Riley a yellow tulip, and Christian a white lily because he thought it was funny that she’d been named after a flower.
She still had those three flowers, now dried and wilted, hanging upside down on her bedroom wall.
She smiled, remembering his handsome face as he had offered her the flower, his dark auburn hair disheveled in a way that let everyone know he didn’t care what he looked like. Even though she loved those wonderful memories, they hurt her tremendously.
As the priest finished the sermon and said his final words, she stared up at Tallin. His eyes were set, hard, and his jaw was clenched. Even though she knew how upset and devastated he was over this tragedy, the hard-willed bad boy in him refused to show any weakness.
She looked over at Riley, his expression actually showing his hurt even though no tears fell. The doctor in him, that caring and compassionate person he was, couldn’t help but express the loss of someone so important.
She squeezed Riley’s hand tighter and slipped her arm through the crook of Tallin’s. As she watched the coffin slowly sink into the earth, she knew that from this day forward, she would forever be changed.