Actually, that was one of the things that surprised me the most about this whole thing: just how much secrecy there was to all of it. These guys didn’t really know what they were signing up for when they agreed to come over here. But they had so much faith in the government and trust in their superiors that they’d never questioned it. They believed in their country.
I admired that.
I was distracted from my thoughts by the sight of Ace, working out in the corner of the barracks. I slowed to a stop and leaned against one of the buildings, pulling out my notebook as though I was jotting down notes. But I wasn’t really hiding the fact that I was watching him.
So sue me, I thought. He was an attractive man. A really attractive man. His body was hard and muscular, built over years of training and dedication. It was like looking at a classical statue come to life, his body chiseled and perfect. Right now, as he worked out, those muscles were covered in a faint sheen of sweat, his skin practically glowing in the fading Kuwaiti sunlight.
He made my heart race, lust shooting toward my core. But it wasn’t just physical attraction. He was one of the guys I regularly saw around the base, and we’d chatted a few times. He was smart and well-read. And he liked to tease me.
I suppose that when I’d first met him, I’d expected him to be some brick-headed soldier, all brawn with no brains. But I’d come to really like the guy. In ways I knew I shouldn’t.
I blushed, thinking about some of the steamier thoughts I’d had about him. I wasn’t the kind of girl to have one-night stands, and I knew that he was going to be over here for a while longer, especially if he signed up for another tour of duty after this one, which he’d mentioned he might do. But I couldn’t help thinking about how strong and dependable he was, how he was basically the perfect type of man.
It was silly. There was no way I would ever be able to convince him to come back to Boston with me and start a family. That just wasn’t his style.
But I still liked to look. And sometimes, I let myself imagine what it would be like to have him push me back against one of the rough, wooden walls of the barracks, his lips hot against mine, his fingers roving over my sides. I shivered a little just thinking about it.
Ace glanced over at me, and I felt myself blush as I hurriedly scribbled something illegible in my notebook. Then, once I was sure that he was back in the rhythm of his workout, I hurried off in another direction, like I had somewhere important to be.
I didn’t know why he got me so flustered. Sure, he was attractive, but I was never this way around guys. I shook my head and tried not to dwell on it.
Later tha
t night, we all hung around the canteen. It was our evening routine; most of the guys who were there at the base would show up and have a few beers and chat. I didn’t always join in; a lot of nights, it was just stupid guy talk about cars and machines and women back home. But it was also where I’d gotten the leads on a few of my stories, and now that I was counting down the days until I left, it seemed important for me to show up more often than not, to try to eke out a few last stories that I hadn’t already thought of to write.
That night, though, everything seemed to be all about impatience. The guys who showed up were the ones who were around most often, and a number of them were complaining about the lack of response to some of the most recent attacks.
“It’s like we’re just letting our guys get picked off,” Sherbs (I had never learned his real name; everyone just called him Sherbs, or Sherbert sometimes) complained. “And meanwhile, we’re all sitting here, plenty of ammo, and we could blow those fuckers to the ground. But we’re just twiddling our thumbs.”
“They’ve got something planned,” Mikey, another of the guys, chipped in. Mikey looked just like you’d expect a Mikey to look like: a little on the heavier side, a good Midwestern kid whose mom had brought him up with good values and morals. He shrugged when everyone looked over at him, picking at the label of his beer and looking as though he hadn’t really expected anyone to listen to him. “We’ve seen this before,” he reminded everyone else. “We go quiet for a little bit until they get bolder and don’t expect a response. And then we give them what-for.”
“Maybe,” Sherbs said, but he didn’t sound convinced.
I sipped my beer as I listened to them discuss different strategies and what they would do if they were in charge. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I was starting to understand their impatience, but most of them had a hard time seeing the bigger picture. There was a reason they weren’t all leaders.
Ace sat quietly through all of it, even though normally he would have been cracking jokes left and right. Every time I glanced over at him, he was considering me. And every time I caught him eyeing me, I took another quick sip of my beer, even though I didn’t know quite what all of it meant.
It wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t unpleasant. None of the other guys seemed to notice that there was anything strange about the night. But I could just feel it, an added layer of tension that mingled but never quite merged with the tense impatience of the rest of the squad.
I finished my beer faster than I normally would and headed back to my bunk, barely pausing to say goodnight to anyone. Still, no one noticed anything strange. They probably all thought I had some story to work on. Or maybe that I was just tired. I'd been there for a long time, after all, and I wasn’t in nearly as good shape as they were.
Whatever it was, they let me go.
Outside the canteen, I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath of the cool night’s air. We lived in a desert there, and as hot as it was during the day, it was surprisingly cool at night.
Ace caught up to me when I was barely ten feet from the canteen, draping his jacket around my shoulders. “Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” I said, hating the breathless note that crept into my voice. Keep it together. Keep it normal.
It wasn’t the first time we’d had one of these late-night walk-and-talks, after all.
I’d learned pretty early on during my time there that Ace had terrible insomnia. I’d still been jet-lagged at the time and so had been keeping pretty odd hours, myself. And a few times, I’d noticed him wandering around the base long after the other guys had gone to sleep.
I’d tried to pry. I’d asked him if it was related to the military stuff. But he’d only laughed. “I’ve been an insomniac forever,” he said, leaving it at that.
Tonight, though, things felt different between us. Static, charged. Tense. I couldn’t figure out what to say to him.
“I read your latest article,” Ace finally said. “The one about Benny.” He shook his head, his eyes sad. “God, what a good kid.”