The only trouble was, even if I recognized that Harper wasn’t Claire, that I didn’t have to fixate on her to try and make amends with the other girl that I’d left behind years ago now, it didn’t actually solve anything. I couldn’t just snap my fingers and forget all about Harper, and I definitely was nowhere closer to figuring out what to do about my situation with Ava.
I left my therapy session that day with a lot to think about but still no answers. And I was starting to feel frustrated.
19
Harper
On Thursday, I finally got a spare minute to call Ace back. It had been one of the longer weeks of my life, and I was totally spent. All I really wanted was to curl up on the couch with him and order in Chinese food. We’d put on a silly cartoon movie for Ava to watch, as she and I just cuddled.
Instead, I was on my way to yet another interview, so that that night I could write an article about the new head of pediatric oncology at the local hospital. It wasn’t exactly riveting. And it meant commuting clear across the city to get to the hospital and then making the long trip back. Normally, that wouldn’t be an issue, but my car had started making some funny noises, and I was stuck on the T until I got it back from the mechanic.
“Where are you?” Ace asked when he answered. “It sounds like you’re in a tunnel.”
“I’m in the T,” I sighed. “My car’s been having problems.”
“What kind of problems?” Ace asked.
“I don’t know. I’m supposed to get the final diagnosis from the mechanic tomorrow,” I told him.
“You should have let me have a look at it first,” Ace said, and I could tell that he was shaking his head.
“What do you know about cars?” I asked curiously. I knew he drove an old pickup that must take a fair amount of maintenance, given its age, but I didn’t think he’d ever mentioned anything to do with mechanics in all the time I’d known him.
“I did a bunch of mechanical work when I first enlisted,” Ace said. “Granted, a tank is a little different than your run-of-the-mill car, but I might have at least been able to pinpoint the issue, even if I couldn’t tell you how to fix it.”
“I’ll remember that for next time,” I told him. Then, I groaned. “Only hopefully there isn’t a next time. This week is killing me.”
“Are we still on for this weekend, or do you need a real break that involves just you and some shut-eye?” Ace asked.
“This weekend would be great,” I told him. “I miss you. I hate that it’s been almost a week since the last time I saw you.”
“Me too,” Ace said. “Things have been busy here, too. It’s like once I told George that I was interested in starting this new training school with him, now he suddenly wants everything done at once. He’s still interviewing my replacements, having me show them around and show them some of the work that I’ve been doing, plus I have everything with the dogs I’m currently working for. And then on top of that, he had me real estate hunting to try to find the perfect place for our new school to open up.”
“Sounds nuts,” I said, shaking my head. “You must be almost as exhausted as I am.”
“I don’t know about that,” Ace said, his voice warm. “How you manage to do everything that you do and still be a good mom on top of that, I’ll never understand.”
“Thanks,” I said, smiling.
“How is Ava doing anyway? Is she getting to spend some quality time with her grandma this week?”
“She’s doing good,” I said. “Spending more time with Maisie, my neighbor and best friend, actually. But either way, she’s getting spoiled rotten.”
“Uh oh, sounds like there may be trouble on the way for you, then,” Ace teased.
And right then, at that moment, I suddenly felt the need to tell him. I wanted him to know that Ava wasn’t just my daughter—she was our daughter. He wanted to know about her. He wasn’t running away.
I really had to conclude that he was a different man than the one I had met in Kuwait.
But it was almost my stop, and I felt like I should probably tell him in person, rather than over the phone like this. Reluctantly, I let the moment pass.
“I should go,” I sighed. “I want to review my notes one more time before my interview.”
“Okay, no problem,” Ace said easily. “Text me if anything changes about this weekend. No problem if you need a night off to just veg.”
I groaned. “I think I need two weeks off to just veg,” I told him. “But I’d rather veg naked in bed with you.”
“We could possibly arrange some of that,” Ace said, sounding amused. “Go, rock out. Good luck with the interview. We’ll talk soon.”