I didn’t want to mention that I hadn’t directly said those words to her, that I’d said it to Justin and Sean instead, but Bob would have picked up that it was Neala I was talking about. Bob was a nice man, but he loved a bit of gossip, and this juice would be all over the village by the New Year if I let too much information slip.
“So tell her you didn’t mean what you said,” he said with a shrug.
If only things were that simple.
I grunted. “I did, but she doesn’t believe me.”
“Rightly so.” Bob nodded. “You hurt the lass and she is wary of trusting you again. That’s understandable.”
“Yeah,” I agreed glumly. “The thing is, I told her I’d prove meself to her and show her I do like her and want her for more than a dirty romp between the sheets, but she’s having none of it. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in a few days.”
Bob whistled. “Sounds like you really bruised the lass’s heart.”
I lowered my head to the countertop and groaned. “Yes, I’m aware of that. Thank you.”
Bob chuckled. “Sorry, laddie. Didn’t mean to stick the dagger in deeper.”
I sighed and lifted my head. “It’s grand. I deserve it.”
Bob tilted his head to the side as he watched me. “You really like this lass?” he asked.
I nodded. “More than I’ve ever liked anyone,” I admitted.
Bob raised an eyebrow. “Even Laura Stoke?”
Who?
Oh, yeah. Laura.
Fuck.
She didn’t even compare to Neala. No woman did or ever would.
She’d ruined me for anyone else.
“Even Laura Stoke.” I nodded to Bob.
He smiled. “Prove it.”
What?
“I don’t under—”
“Darcy Hart. Long time no see, which is bad for you and me.”
I turned from Bob’s watchful gaze to Laura’s heated one.
I forced a smile. “Hey, Laura . . . How are you?”
“I’m good, honey.” Laura smiled seductively. “You?”
“Not too bad,” I lied.
“Did you have a good Christmas?” she asked.
I’d had an amazing Christmas Eve, but a shitty Christmas Day.
“Yeah. Spent it with family . . . You?”
“Same,” Laura said, leaning into me. She frowned at me when I pulled back. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
I blinked. “Nothing. Why?”
She gave me a knowing smile. “You’re down about something – I can tell.”
How?
“I’m fine . . . really.”
Laura chuckled, “Okay then.”
She continued to smile at me until I cracked.
“It’s . . . a girl,” I mumbled, feeling embarrassed for talking to her about another woman. “I recently just realised how much I like her, but I said something very hurtful to her and messed everything up.”
Laura frowned, and then reached over and rubbed my shoulder. “I’m sure Neala will forgive you, Darcy. I can see how down you are about whatever happened. I’m sure she will see it too.”
Doubtful.
“Nah,” I muttered. “She doesn’t believe me when I say I’m sorry or that I didn’t mean what I said – Wait a second, how did you know it was Neala?” I asked, my eyes wide with shock.
Laura dropped her hand from my shoulder and laughed. “Come on, Darcy. I’d have to be blind to miss the connection between you two. You’ve had it since we were kids; it just showed itself in the form of hate and anger.”
I stared at Laura, at a loss for words. How did she know Neala and I had a connection when we hadn’t even known?
She continued to speak. “I’m glad you both finally figured it out, though – better now than when you’re both old and grey.”
I was so confused. She’d willingly slept with me all these years when she thought Neala and I had a connection?
Did she really hate Neala that much to keep me from her?
“I don’t know about anything anymore . . . I’m just confused, and I don’t know what to do with meself. It’s bollocks.”
Laura chuckled and patted my arm. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Good luck, Darcy.” She leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Bye,” she whispered before she stood up and walked away.
Just like that, our involvement was over, and I wished I’d never spent a moment with her in the first place. I felt like a dick for thinking it, but my life would have been so much different had I never acted on my crush with Laura Stoke.
I was glad she wasn’t bitter about my having feelings for someone else. If I couldn’t have Neala, I wanted no woman.
I looked straight ahead and picked up the fresh pint of beer in front of me. I looked to my right as Bob walked back toward me and grinned.
“So you do really like this girl,” he said.
I wanted to laugh, but I just blew air out through my nose and said, “Yeah, man.”
Bob smiled at me. “Then do everything you can to get her.” He moved away to take care of some other punter who wanted to order a drink.
I was left alone with my thoughts, but not for long.
“I told you he’d be here. Pay up, bitch,” Sean’s voice cheered.
The annoyed growl of my brother followed. “Here, dickhead.”
“Stop making money off me misery, you pricks,” I said before downing half of my pint.
Sean sat on the empty stool on my left while Justin sat on the empty one on my right.
“Did I just see you turn down Laura Stoke?” Sean asked me.
I shrugged. “Yeah, for good. She’s cool with it, though.”
Sean whistled. “You’ve got it bad, kid.”
Tell me about it.
Both of the lads clapped their hands on my shoulders.
“How you doing, chief?” Justin asked me.
I grunted. “How does it look like I’m doing?” I asked.
“Like shite,” Sean replied.
Ding ding ding. We have a winner.
“That about sums me up,” I said. I took another gulp of my pint and shook my head when I swayed a little.
Both of the lads sighed.
“If it helps,” Sean began, “she hasn’t talked to any of us either. Except the kids, of course.”
My stomach lurched.
She was all alone right now when she shouldn’t be.
I felt like even more of a massive dick.
What our families had done to us was shitty enough, but her having to deal with what I’d said just doubled the shittiness.
“Other than the obvious problem, is she okay? Is she eating and taking care of herself?” I asked out of worry.
I’d hate myself even more if I’d made her sad enough to become sick. Granted, I’d barely eaten since Christmas, but fuck me, I couldn’t care less about myself.
“Yeah, she’s eating and showering and doing all of the normal stuff . . . She’s just sad, man.”
I swallowed and looked down. “I know. I wish I’d never said what I did.”
“Do you mean that, or do you mean you wish she’d never heard you?” Sean asked.
I looked at him and replied honestly, “I wish I’d never said it. I lied to keep from looking like a pussy-whipped bitch in front of the pair of you so you both wouldn’t see that I’d be gutted if she regretted me. I made my worry a reality by lying. I fucked everything up and I’ve no one to blame but meself.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, bro,” Justin said, and nudged me. “It’ll work itself out, you’ll see.”
“It won’t fix itself,” I said, shaking my head. “I wrecked this, so I have to fix it . . . I owe it to her.”
Sean patted my shoulder in support while Justin flagged Bob down and ordered a round of drinks for us. Bob quickly got the order to us, took away my now-empty pint glass, and frowned as I started on the fresh one he’d laid before me.
Justin looked at Bob, then to me.
“How many has he had?” he asked.
“This is number five,” Bob replied.
I rolled my eyes when Justin hissed.
“Do you want to get drunk off your face? Drowning your sorrows won’t get you back your Neala Girl, little brother.”
He didn’t get to call her that; only I did.
I snarled, “What do you know? You have a wife and a kid. You don’t know what I’m feeling.”
Justin laughed, and it only fuelled my rising temper.
“You think things have always been smooth sailing with Sarah? I started going out with her when I was twenty-five, and we’re still together and happily married because we work to keep what we have. No one is gifted with a healthy relationship, so stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself. You fucked up with Neala; go fix it if she means that much to you.”
I knew Justin was right, but I shoved him simply because I was looking for a fight. I wanted to feel something other than the sick feeling that was constantly in my gut.
Justin jumped up from his bar stool and I took it as an invitation to exchange blows. I threw the first punch and it caught Justin square across the jaw. It knocked him backward against his stool and then onto the floor.