Shane chased her question around his head and tried to figure out what, exactly, she meant by it. Was she trying to backtrack? Did she think they were moving too fast? Was she trying to define what happened, or what was going to happen?
Crickitt faced the falls, chewing her lip and arriving at a God-only-knew-what conclusion.
He’d been hell-bent on keeping his attraction to her to himself…until last night, anyway. Crickitt tearing at his clothes and devouring his mouth had him tossing his restraint out with his good sense. And now that he knew how good it felt to be close to her, to hold her, to kiss that luscious pink mouth of hers…well, he had no interest in backing off. But he wouldn’t press forward if it wasn’t what she wanted.
Crickitt opened her mouth to speak, her eyebrows bowing.
Please don’t say you regret it.
“Is work going to be weird?” she asked.
Shane sighed, a sound of pure relief. “It doesn’t have to be.”
Something flashed in her eyes. Shane wished he could read her expressions, or her mind. That would be handy. It wasn’t as if he’d never had a conversation like this before. He preferred to outline expectations before getting involved with a woman. It was okay to have some fun, or in Crickitt’s case what he suspected would be a whole lot of fun, just as long as neither of them expected something permanent. Even if that’s what he wanted, he knew he couldn’t live up to the promise of forever.
He watched her for another beat, coming to an uncomfortable realization. She might say no. And wouldn’t that suck?
“Say it. Say whatever it is you’re thinking,” Crickitt said, clasping his hand. “Before I go nuts.”
He was thinking how he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to continue what they’d started. “Don’t worry about work,” he said instead.
Her eyes downcast, she stroked his hand in both of hers. “And outside of work?”
For a second, no words came. He knew what she was asking. She was asking if they would be exclusive, eventually move in together. Meet each other’s families, give Christmas gifts with both their names on them. He couldn’t continue to let her assume that’s where they were headed. If he were a different man, with a different past…but he wasn’t. And telling her would risk losing her, but she deserved to know.
“We’d keep it casual,” he hedged.
“Casual.” She dropped his hand, moved away from him as if being near him was suddenly undesirable.
His stomach sank. Way to go, jerk.
“I don’t think it would be a good idea…” Shane swallowed thickly. There was no good way to say it. He’d just have to blurt it out and hope for the best. “I want to be with you, Crickitt.” He reached out to her with his eyes, too afraid if he touched her she’d recoil. “But I can’t…I’m not able to make any promises about the future.”
Shane pressed his lips together, wanting to take every word of it back. It was ugly and graceless. It was also the truth.
“I see,” she said, her voice hard.
She gave him a hot look. But not one filled with passion, more like fury. Or like she was attempting to burn a hole through his head using only the power of her mind.
“I don’t consider sex casual,” she said. “Ever.” She stood in a rush, and Shane jumped to his feet. She glared up at him as she spoke. “I’m good enough to sleep with, but not if messy feelings get involved? Sounds eerily like my marriage.”
Pain like a thousand sharp needles pierced his heart as he realized he’d not only hurt her, but hurt her in the same way her ex-husband had. The fact was Crickitt was good enough; it was Shane who was lacking. How could she not see that? “Let me rephrase—”
“Don’t bother.” Crickitt stood. “It’s better I know up front.”
It sounded far less noble when she said it. But what choice did he have?
Shane gathered the picnic supplies while Crickitt folded the blanket in silence. He took it from her, carrying it down the trail as they walked back to the car. She didn’t speak, only trotted several feet ahead of him, eyes straight ahead.
Already he missed her closeness, her willingness to touch him, even casually. But he’d efficiently removed that possibility, and while disappointed, he shouldn’t have been surprised by her reaction. That he was only gave merit to what he’d told her. He was not equipped for a relationship.
At the car, he deposited the basket and blanket in the trunk before sliding onto the seat and shoving the key in the ignition. He didn’t start it, only sat there, watching the back of Crickitt’s head as she focused on a spot off in the distance.