I feel her smile into me, and the sensation fills my body with light.
I slide off to the side as her fluids trickle down my skin. She looks at the mess she made, and her eyes widen, but I crook my finger underneath her chin. I raise her beautiful gaze up to mine and plant a small kiss on her nose, watching as she moves her body closer to mine.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” I say. “That’s natural when Cats mate.”
Her head nuzzles underneath my chin again, and I slide my arm around her. Pulling her naked body closer to mine as she reaches down for the covers. I close my eyes and take in the moment. I allow myself to commit everything to memory. Because I don’t know if it will ever happen again, and I don’t know if she will ever choose me again.
“Toshi?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think I’m a whore?”
My eyes shoot down to her, and I can see her staring blankly at the wall.
“Never could I think something like that of you,” I say.
“But I’ve—”
I know what she’s going to say, and I tilt her gaze to mine again.
“They are your choices. The biological urges that you’re acting on. No can ever fault you for that, Clarissa.”
“It’s not that,” she says.
“Then what is it?” I ask.
“I just—”
I wait for her to gather her thoughts as her head falls to the pillow. I lie down next to her, my hand smoothing her hair away from her face. She looks so conflicted, and I almost feel guilty for giving into her emotional urges. But I’ve wanted her from the shadows for so long, and it feels so right to be with her at this moment.
Something like that could never be a wrong decision.
“I want all of you,” Clarissa says.
I nod as I try to pick apart that statement.
“Define ‘want.’”
“I mean, I don’t want to pick one of you. I want to have all of you around me. With me. Living life with me and—”
I watch her struggle again, and I give her the silence she needs to piece things together.
“I don’t know. I’m babbling.”
“It’s fine. You can do that with me,” I say.
“And it’s why I love you.”
My ears perk up as my brow furrows deeper.
“What?” I asked.
“I love you, Toshi. I have. For a long time. But I also love Kyle.”
“You married him. I understand that,” I say.
“And Sebastian. And Theo. I love them, too. In my own way, but it’s there. It’s strong. And I don’t know how to process any of it or what I should do. I know I sound like a lunatic.”