A one-time only kind of deal.
Regardless as to whatever I decide later, I’m going to need a bike. It’s just time.
Jesse nods and takes off toward the old biker talking to Tank. I usually handle my own dealings, but I’m not feeling it today. And if Jesse feels this is his way of making some kind of amends, fine. Let him have this win.
Swinging my leg over the seat, I sit atop my new bike, getting a feel for her. An immediate, noted difference stirs a sadness deep within me. Dar’s customized seat is missing. It’s all wrong. Wrong—but it can’t ever be right again.
Before I can get lost in thought, my phone buzzes against my butt. I reach into my back pocket. I have my finger poised at the ready to send it to voicemail, dreading see
ing Boone’s name on the screen. But it’s not him.
My PO’s name flashes in sync with the vibration.
Besides Boone, really, she’s the last person I want to talk to right now. I already know I’m about to violate my probation, regardless what I ultimately choose. And I don’t need the heavy reminder that I’m about to be a hunted woman.
Okay, that’s quite an exaggeration. I’m not actually sure what the consequence is for a parole violation, but I’m sure it’s not a trip to Disney.
With a groan, I answer the call. “Hello, Jacquie.”
“Melody, I’m calling to check in and let you know I’ve moved our regularly scheduled appointment to Monday.”
Right to business. This woman doesn’t play. “Um, I don’t think I’ll be able to make that. I have to work.” And get the hell out of here.
“Melody,” she says again, and I can hear the strain in her voice. “I’ve been given some alarming news, and I want to verify that it’s not true.”
I feel my face screw up. “What news? From who?”
“I can’t reveal that, but I can say this particular person is very concerned for you. They believe you’re considering leaving Florida. And you know this would be a violation of your probation. You’d be sent before the judge again, and possibly return to Stoney Creek, or worse, go to jail for some time.”
Shit. I sit back on the seat, my whole body deflated. As the realization of my sorry reality settles over me, what she said at the start breaks through my fear of being committed. “Wait, who said this?”
At her hesitation, I see red. Of course Boone and I would have the same damn PO. And of course she’d be one of his many Boone fangirls. I laugh out loud, not even hearing her reply. Oh, the fates. They are tricky little bitches.
“Jacquie, I’m not going to lie and say that it hasn’t crossed my mind to leave,” I say, cutting into her speech. “But please tell Boone it has nothing to do with him, okay? I’m just not settle down material.”
She’s silent for a second. Then, “You and Boone have very little chance, I’ll be the second to admit that after you. But it’s not impossible, Melody. He needs to tell you the truth, and yes, he probably should’ve done so by now, but you need to know, at least, that he didn’t kill his son.”
Shock is me. I am shock.
My mouth hangs agape, unable to form coherent words. I can’t believe my PO is telling me this about one of her cases. “I didn’t think he did…” I exhale, my chest too heavy. “Even if he had, that’s not the why, Jacquie. Look, he had a child. A baby. A little being. And he died. That’s the worst kind of torture to bear. That grief…it has to be hell for him.”
“It is,” she cuts in.
“Right. I can’t fix it for him. I can’t ever make it right. Hell, I have so much messed up going on in my own life, I’m the very worst thing that could happen to him. He’s a great guy, really. And he’ll find the girl who will be what he needs in this life. She’s just not me.” I shrug my shoulders to myself, my body wholly taxed.
“It’s solely your choice, Melody. That’s your right.”
I feel like I’m being played somehow, but I don’t see Jacquie as the sneaky type. My own emotions are befuddling me. “Thanks. Listen, I’m not leaving Florida,” I lie, but as far as she’ll know, it’s the truth. “I just can’t hang around here anymore. I’ll be back in time for our regular meeting.”
She sighs. “Be careful. I’ll see you next week. And, Melody, do try to do something different, like we talked about. At least let him know the reason. Don’t just disappear.”
The line clicks dead before I can work up a response. I stare down at the phone in my hand like it’s a grenade. Waiting to explode and decimate me with the next call. It could be from Boone, and I still don’t have the courage to hear his voice. To tell him anything.
“She’s all yours.”
Jesse’s voice pulls me out of the lost moment and I look up. He’s smiling that devilish, panty-dropping smile of his. It pangs me the deepest that, everything we were and had, is over.
And as difficult as that is to admit, there’s also some level of freedom in that knowledge. I have the right to choose my future.