Trapped and sinking deeper.
Like a nightmare you can’t wake up from, or a dream you want to lose yourself in. A dream where you can love...you can let yourself go. A dream where everything’s as rose-tinted as the couple up front and love conquers all and nothing can hurt.
* * *
What a perfect day. A truly gorgeous, perfect day.
But my feet are killing me.
It’s late, gone midnight, but, as I’ve learned this week, it’s early by Italian standards.
Still, no one will sniff at me slipping off the heels now. I toe one off, then the other, and sink my feet into the cooling grass. I’m out of the way, up on an elevated position that overlooks the outdoor dance floor with its ceiling of fairy lights that swing from tree to tree, illuminating the ground below and the people dancing beneath it.
Tyler and Dani have barely left the floor. Marianna and Giovanni have become ever closer as the week has progressed and are more than happy to entertain the young duo, Leo and Isabella, with their dance moves. Their parents caved and left the dance floor over an hour ago to cuddle up at one of the intimate tables still set out from dinner, their heads close together as they sip their wine and watch the dancing still underway.
Harry and Lisa are at another table, deep in conversation. Tyler’s parents are chatting to Antonietta, Nonna and Dante, off to the side, and Rafael...
I breathe in softly.
Rafael...
He’s talking to the head waiter, taking control, making sure everything is still picture-perfect and every need is catered for.
It’s an intimate affair, with more paid staff discreetly waiting in the wings than there are guests, and that’s all down to him.
Him and his huge heart.
Not his wallet.
Yes, money paid for all this, but it’s his heart that makes it so important to him. And ever since his wobble in Dani’s bedroom earlier he’s been back in control, commanding, taking care of everything. And I... I love him for it.
I accept the emotion for what it is and accept that it can never be.
Because he is still Rafael, the man who will never marry.
Not that I even want marriage.
I don’t need another ring to bind me to him; my heart will do that for me.
He finishes with the head waiter and takes two glasses from a tray, scanning the tables and the dance floor. I hold my breath.
His eyes find me in the shadows and something flickers in his face. Something that looks like so much more than it could possibly be. And I know I’m putting that look there, that the distance is playing tricks on me and aiding me in my quest to believe that more is possible. The drink too. All those bubbles we’ve consumed have gone to my head, not to mention the Chianti consumed with dinner.
I watch him approach, my heart racing, my eyes unblinking. I have the sudden desire to turn and run, which is ridiculous, but it’s there.
I curl my toes into the grass and plaster on a smile. He’s climbing the stone steps that weave through the lavender that grows wild up here and his eyes lift to me.
‘Found me, then?’ I say, feigning a confidence I don’t feel.
‘I’ve known where you are every second of every moment today.’
My heart dances in my chest, his words adding to the fanciful future I’m too quick to imagine. ‘Is that so?’
He offers me a glass, his body so close now I can smell his scent, his eyes near enough to see the ambient glow from the castle behind me sparkle in his darkened gaze.
‘Yes.’
I take the glass without looking, my eyes refusing to leave his.