An hour later, we were on the dirt road that led to Gail Scanlon’s compound. It was early morning, and the Barrens felt benign. The sun was shining. It was in the midseventies. And there was no sign of the Easter Bunny, Fire Farter, Sasquatch, or the Jersey Dev il. Diesel drove into the clearing and parked close to the house, next to a black Rangeman SUV.
Hal came out of the house and met us in the yard. “I’ve got the new monkey in the cage,” he said. “It’s still got the scarf around its neck.”
We all walked to the cage and peered inside.
“The scarf looks like Gail’s skirt,” I said. “I saw the monkeys before Carl set them loose, and I can’t remember any of them having a neck scarf.”
“He doesn’t look very smart,” Diesel said. “He’s not even giving me the finger.”
“Can monkeys do that?” Hal asked.
Carl gave him the finger.
“Cool!” Hal said.
“So what do you think?” I said to Carl. “Can you get the monkey to take us to Gail?”
Carl looked at me and shrugged.
Hal opened the door to the enclosure, and Carl went in and sidled up to the monkey with the scarf. Carl picked something off the monkey’s head and ate it.
Diesel gave a snort of laughter.
“It’s a social ritual,” I said. “And you have no room to laugh. You were gobstruck by a guy who farted fire.”
“No way,” Hal said.
“Swear to God,” Diesel told him. “Fire came out of this guy’s ass like a blowtorch. I saw him burn down a chair.”
“Jeez,” Hal said. “I’d give anything to see that.”
“Stop the planet,” I said. “I want to get off.”
Carl did some chee chee chee and some whoo whoo whoo with the scarf monkey, and then they scampered out the door and ran away into the pine forest.
“Boy, he sure took off,” Hal said.
I nudged Diesel. “Okay, big boy, let’s see what you’re made of. Smell him out.”
Diesel grabbed my hand and pulled me into the woods. “I suspect that was sarcasm, but as it happens, I have a highly developed sense of smell.”
“Like a bloodhound?”
“Yeah. Or a werewolf.”
“Are you a werewolf?”
“No. I have it on good authority werewolves aren’t real.”
“What about the Easter Bunny?”
“His name is Bernard Zumwalt, and he’s originally from Chicago.”
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“Santa Claus? Sasquatch?”
“They’re real. Sasquatch comes from a big family. They’re all over the place. Santa Claus is getting on in years. I don’t know how much longer he can keep it going.”