'Look on the bright side,' Lula said. 'Nobody's shooting. And I don't see no rocket launcher.'
Stephanie Plum 12 - Twelve Sharp
Three
I think we'll file Lonnie Johnson in the lost cause file,' I said to Lula. 'If he has any sense at all, he's on a bus out of town.'
'Good idea,' Lula said. 'Who we got next up?'
I'd planned to do the arsonist next, but he'd lost some appeal now that I had my nose clogged with barbecued house. I got the stack of files from the back seat and fingered through them.
Luis Queen had been picked up for solicitation. Not a high bond, but he'd be easy to find. I hauled Luis Queen in all the time. Unfortunately, it was too early for Queen. He wouldn't be on his corner turning tricks until midafternoon. Queen liked to sleep in.
Caroline Scarzolli held some potential. She was a low-bond shoplifter. First-time offender. Worked in a lingerie and gadget shop. I handed the file to Lula. 'How about this one?'
'I like this one,' Lula said. 'Scarzolli will be at work now, and I've been wanting to take a look at this store. I gave up being a 'ho, but I still like to keep up on the technology.'
Pleasure Treasures was on a side street in the middle of the city. The name on the front of the store was written in hot-pink neon light. The lingerie displayed in the window was exotic. Crotchless panties trimmed in faux fur, sequined thongs, nipple pasties, animal-print garter belts.
Lula parked in the small lot adjacent to the store, and we sauntered up to the front door. Actually, Lula was the only one sauntering. I was skulking, head down, hoping no one was looking.
An older woman walked by with her dog and our eyes met.
I'm a bounty hunter, looking for someone,' I said to her. 'I'm not buying anything here. I've never even been here before.'
The woman hurried on, and Lula shook her head at me.
'That is so sad,' Lula said. 'That shows low self-esteem. That shows you got no pride in your sexual side. You should've told that woman y
ou were going in to get a vibrator and edible massage oils. This here's the twenty-first century. Just 'cause we're women don't mean we can't be sick as men.'
'It's not the twenty-first century in the Burg. My mother would get an eye twitch if she heard I was shopping in the Pleasure Treasures.'
'Yeah, but I bet your Grandma Mazur shops here all the time,' Lula said, walking into the store, going into browse mode. 'Look at all those dildos. A whole wall of dildos.' Lula picked one off a shelf and pushed a button and it started to hum and rotate. This here's a good one,' she said. 'It can sing and dance.'
I had no frame of reference for dildos. 'Yeah,' I said, 'it's… nice.'
'It ain't nice!' Lula said, obviously impressed. 'It's a nasty bugger.'
'That's what I meant. Nice and nasty.'
She handed me the dancing dildo. 'Here, you hold it for me while I look around. I want to check out the DVD selection.'
I followed Lula to the DVDs.
'They got a good selection,' Lula said. 'They got all the classics like Debbie Does Dallas and Horny Little People. And here's my personal favorite, Big Boys. Have you seen Big Boys?'
I shook my head, no.
'You gotta see Big Boys. It'll change your life. I'm gonna buy Big Boys for you.'
'That's okay, I don't—'
'It's a present from me.' She handed me the DVD. 'Hang onto it while I keep looking.'
'We're supposed to be working,' I said. 'Remember how we came in here to apprehend Caroline Scarzolli?'
'Yeah, but that's her over there behind the counter, and she don't look like she's going anywhere. She looks just like her picture. I bet she's wearing a wig. Don't it look like a wig to you?'