There were two messages from Joe on my machine. Both of them said call me.
This wasn't something I wanted to do. He'd ask questions I didn't want to answer. Especially since the pig-heart swap had gotten snafued. There was an annoying voice in my head that kept whispering, If the cops were involved it might have gone off better.
And what about Grandma? She was still with Eddie DeChooch. Crazy, depressed Eddie DeChooch.
Crap. I dialed Joe. “I need you to help me,” I said. “But you can't be a cop.”
“Maybe you should spell that out for me.”
“I'm going to tell you something, but you have to promise it stays between us and doesn't become official police business.”
“I can't do that.”
“You have to.”
“What is it?”
“Eddie DeChooch has kidnapped Grandma.”
“No offense, but DeChooch is lucky if he survives.”
“I could use some company. Can you spend the night?”
A half hour later, Joe and Bob arrived. Bob ran through the apartment, snuffling chair seats, investigating waste baskets, and ended by clawing at the refrigerator door.
“He's on a diet,” Morelli said. “He went to the vet today for shots and the vet says he's too fat.” He clicked the television on and found the Rangers game. “You want to tell me about it?”
I burst into tears. “He's got Grandma and I screwed it up. And now I'm scared. I've hav
en't heard from him. What if he's killed Grandma?” I was sobbing. Unable to stop. Big, wracking, stupid sobs that made my nose run and my face get puffy and splotchy.
Morelli wrapped his arms around me. “How did you screw it up?”
“I had the heart in the cooler and the security guard stopped me and then DeChooch called it off.”
“The heart?”
I pointed to the kitchen. “It's in the freezer.”
Morelli broke loose and went to the freezer. I heard him open the freezer door. A moment passed. “You're right,” he said. “There's a heart in here.” And the freezer door squished shut.
“It's a pig heart,” I told him.
“That's a relief.”
I gave him the whole story.
The thing about Morelli is that he can be a tough person to read. He was a wise-ass kid and a wild teen. I guess he was living up to expectations. Morelli men have a certain reputation for hard living. But then somewhere in his twenties Morelli starting being his own man. So that now it's hard to tell where the new Morelli starts and the old Morelli stops.
I suspected the new Morelli would think foisting a pig heart off on Eddie DeChooch was a crackpot scheme. And I further suspected this would fan the flames of his fear that he was about to marry Lucy Ricardo of I Love Lucy fame.
“That was pretty clever of you to try a pig heart,” Morelli said.
I almost fell off the couch.
“If you'd called me instead of Ranger I could have secured the area.”
“Hindsight,” I said. “I didn't want to do anything that would spook DeChooch.”