Aidan is not onstage with us. In fact, I haven’t seen him all day.
Is he keeping his distance now that the end is in sight? Maybe he has decided there’s no point in sticking around for a painful goodbye?
Backstage, the mood is bittersweet. I say farewells until my mouth is dry. I leave my set assistant to pack up my dressing room and call Percy. Then I go to the stage door and spend an hour signing autographs until my wrists are aching.
Still no Aidan.
At home, I let the sound of the TV distract me from my thoughts. I pour myself a glass of wine and run a bath. I read my messages, the censorious one from my manager, the understanding but confused one from Fiona. She wants us to hang out tomorrow after the press conference. I agree, even though I’m sure I’ll be too heartsick to be anything but a drag.
There’s nothing from Aidan. Not a message. Not a call.
He loves you.
Or maybe not.
Maybe he crossed the thin line a long time ago, and now, there’s no crossing back.
I finish my wine and get into bed, trying not to cry as I drift into sleep.
Chapter Thirty Seven
Aidan
“I never knew you to be a coward.” Cruz gives me a judgey look and turns back to watch the basketball game on the court.
“Why is everyone making this about me? She’s the one who decided to leave…again.”
“It is about you,” he says. “You’re the one who’s choosing to let her go.”
I try for levity, even though I’m dying inside. In a few hours, Liz will give a press conference to discuss her decision to leave the play and talk about her next project. I won’t be there, and if she leaves immediately, then I won’t see her again. I sigh. “Modern woman. Mature woman. Makes her own choices.”
Cruz snorts. “And you, what choice have you made? To hide until she leaves?”
“I’m spending time with you, my friend. Watching an intensely competitive game in good weather. Who’s hiding?”
“You are.”
I close my eyes and cover my face with my hands. “It doesn’t matter what I do or say. She’ll leave anyway.”
“You won’t know that until you do and say something.” He tears his eyes away from the game and faces me. “She came back. She told you she never stopped loving you. You pushed her and pushed her, and she didn’t give up. Now, that she has, maybe it’s time for you to pull.”
“And if I come up empty?”
“Then at least you tried.”
In the Uber on the way to Liz’s apartment, my mind churns with all the unspoken words from the past seven years, from the past months.
I love you.
Those are the most important words of all. The words of surrender.
And I am ready to surrender. No matter what happens. I’ll let her know that I’ll be here, loving her, for the rest of my life.
She doesn’t answer her phone when I try to call, and no one answers her doorbell when I ring. Desperate, I call Natalia.
“Aidan.” She sounds distracted.
“I’m sorry to bother you, but do you know where I can find Liz?”