“You’re going to wear that red gown in your closet. I thought we had already had this conversation and made this decision. Don’t mess with perfection.”
“Ugh, that dress is so revealing. We are going to the theater, not a strip show.”
“Excuse me! That dress was my dress, and I wore it to my step-brother’s wedding.”
“That’s weird,” I teased her.
“The colors were black and red. It wasn’t weird. And, it barely shows any cleavage. I think your definition of revealing and mine are totally different. Plus, you had a string bikini on already around him; I think any dress is going to be a step up.”
“Yeah, I did,” I smiled as I thought back to our little swim out to the island. “That bikini doesn’t leave much to the imagination. I probably shouldn’t have agreed to that whole swimming on the first date thing.”
“Yes, you should have agreed, and you did. For once, you need to stop second-guessing every decision you make. Just go have fun with this guy. Stop worrying if you love him or he loves you. Stop worrying if you’re wearing the right thing or saying the right thing. For once, just have some fun and relax. Can you at least give it a try?”
“I’m relaxed,” I said. “I’ve been funny and irreverent. You’d even want to screw me if you’d been on our first date.”
“Let’s not talk about my wild college years. I’m trying to forget those.”
Mattie was much funnier than I could ever hope to be. Her quick wit was just one of the things I admired about her. No matter how off-track I seemed to get since losing Spencer, she had always been there to guide me back.
Our friendship was a gift that came to me in my darkest days. It was nearly impossible to imagine that this woman, who was my best friend now, hardly knew me at all before I lost my husband. Over the years, we had shared our college stories and came to the conclusion that we probably wouldn’t have been friends if we hadn’t ended up sitting next to each other at work. It was amazing how life could bring two people together in seemingly random ways.
“Fine, I’ll wear the red one,” I said.
“And you’ll like it, damn it.”
The rest of the work day flew by and I even snuck out a little early to get home and get ready. You would think that two hours was enough time to get dolled up for a date, but I really wanted four. There was showering, shaving, moisturizing, primping, and makeup to do. All so I could look like I hardly worked at all to get ready.
By six-thirty, I was pacing my living room and trying to calm myself down. I had already talked with Connor on the phone and said goodnight. Eating something seemed silly, but my stomach was turning with excitement, so I made a little peanut butter toast and sat down while I waited.
Dating wasn’t as easy as it had been when I was younger. Although, I really hadn’t dated all that much besides Spencer, I remembered it being easier. When Spencer came to get me for dates, I wasn’t nervous at all: I simply ran out of my parents’ house to his car and we took off for the night. Things were different now. So many things were different.
After finishing my toast, I grabbed a towel and wiped my armpits. I felt like I was already sweating and I hadn’t even left the house yet. It was crazy how nervous I was because this was technically my third date with Brandon. We had already done some pretty damn intimate things together so there was no reason for me to be so nervous – yet I was.
I practiced some deep breathing, checked my makeup a few more times, added some additional deodorant, and there was still twenty minutes until Brandon was supposed to arrive. Finally, I fell onto my couch and started to flip through a magazine to keep my mind busy as I waited.
Nothing helped. I couldn’t calm down. My mind raced with the possibilities of the night and how things could either go wonderfully, or absolutely terribly. In my mind, those were the only two options to most situations in my life.
“Mattie, I’m freaking out; you need to calm me down,” I said as I frantically dialed her number.
“You’re fine. Stop getting in your head so much and have a drink,” she said. “Do you even own any alcohol?”
“Yeah, I think there’s some old scotch in the liquor cabinet.”
“Grab it. Drink a swig. It will give you the liquid courage you need to relax. Remember, this is just a date, and he is probably more nervous than you are.”
“That’s not possible.”
“Oh, it is. A guy like him might look like he has his life totally together, but you just never know what is really going on. You should treat him like he was out in his car just as nervous as you are right now.”
“Okay, I’m pouring a drink right now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, or later tonight if things go terribly wrong.”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she said calmly.
I poured at least two shots, possibly three, into a small glass and downed the strong alcohol quickly. The liquid burned going down, and I quickly filled the cup with water and drank that, as well.
The warmth of the alcohol was instantly calming to me. It soothed my nerves just like Mattie had said and I took a few deep breaths just to help the process along a little. I heard his car pull up and slipped my shoes on and waited for him to knock. As I waited, I felt the alcohol working its way through me and a heavy buzz set in. It had been a long time since I had taken three shots of alcohol.
When he knocked, I felt myself jump a little, but then I quickly went to the door. My hand stayed on the handle for a second while I let him wait and I tried to gather myself. I wasn’t having much luck gathering my emotions, though, and I started to giggle before Brandon had the chance to even say hello.