“I miss her,” I choked out. I had been fighting back the tears all day, but now, sitting here in the silence, it was too much.
My mom leaned in, wrapped her arms around me. “I know, hon. I miss her, too. I don’t think we’ll ever not miss her.”
I stared at the headstone my mother and I had picked out together. It had taken months for it to be completed and set up. Now, as I sat on the grass in front of the four-foot high edifice that marked my sister’s final resting place, I realized it was worth the wait.
My mom had spent a small fortune on the white stone with an engraving of an angel and my sister’s name. It was beautiful. We had come to the cemetery early to clean up around her spot in this field of sadness. We put several bouquets of new flower arrangements in each of the pots. That was another extra my mom had demanded. She wanted Talia’s grave to be in bloom all the time.
“The headstone is really pretty, Mom,” I told her, knowing she needed to hear it.
She nodded. “It is. She would be proud to have this above her head.” Though she said the words with a smile, I knew she was dying inside.
“How often do you come out here, Mom?” I asked her.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Once a week. Sometimes more if I have the time.”
I nodded, expecting as much. My mom was up here in Georgia all alone. My dad had left us when Talia was a baby, and my mother had stayed single the whole time. She always told us we were her priority. With me in Florida and Talia gone, I wanted her to find someone.
“Are you sure you’re doing okay, Mom?”
She chuckled. “Well, I don’t know how okay any mother can be after they’ve buried a child, but yes, I think I’m doing fine. I’ve joined a group at the church. It’s for single ladies of a certain age,” she winked.
I laughed. “You aren’t going to bars, are you? I don’t think I could handle it!” I joked.
“Tessa, how could you think such a thing?” She lowered her voice. “But we do get together at one of our houses every Friday night and enjoy a few bottles of wine. We call it our book club meeting, but I don’t know that any of us has ever even opened the book we are reading.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “Mom! You wild woman!” I got serious. “I’m glad, though. I really am. I worry about you.”
“Oh, Tessa, don’t worry about me. I’m really okay. I have my friends and the support group. Although, I think we do more baking then talking, but for most of us, baking is therapy,” she assured me.
I nodded. “Okay, if you ever feel like it’s too much, you call me, and I’ll come home.”
She shook her head. “Oh no, you won’t, young lady. You will finish school. I didn’t scrimp and save all those years for you to drop out when the finish line is so near. You keep your head in the game and don’t you dare give up.”
“I won’t. I promise,” I vowed, hoping I could it. It was going to be tough, tougher yet with that whole kiss business to get through.
“Are you hungry?” my mom asked, standing and wiping off her butt.
I didn’t think I was, but I knew my mom wanted to feed me. It’s what moms did. “Sure. What are you in the mood for?”
She looked at me and smiled. “How about that horrible little diner that Talia always made us go to?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Really? You hate that place!”
She shrugged. “I do, but I think it is only fitting that we finish our day here with a meal at her favorite restaurant. Maybe I’ll even get her favorite chocolate milkshake and dip my fries in it.”
That made me laugh. “Mom, I cannot imagine you ever doing something like that.”
“I’ve turned over a new leaf. I’m trying all kinds of new things. What about you? Are you trying new things?” she asked, and I suddenly felt guilt wash over me.
“No,” I blurted out.
She gave me that look. She knew I was lying, but thankfully she didn’t press the issue. I could not even imagine how that conversation would go.
We settled ourselves into a booth at the small diner and waited for a waitress to take our order.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I said, in a low voice.
My mom laughed. “Since when did you get picky about where you eat?”