“You’re right,” I said, taking a minute to think about it. “He isn’t the kind of guy to purposely embarrass someone on an ongoing basis, except for Christina.”
“Yeah, well, that bitch deserves it,” Bella said, laughing. “I’d embarrass the hell out of her, too, if I were him.”
“From the looks of her decorating, she has done a good enough job embarrassing herself on her own.” I laughed. “Like seriously, thousands of dollars in art, and not one piece was good. The place looked like a toned-down Beetlejuice house.”
“Oh my God,” Bella said, laughing loudly. “Poor Ryan. He must have been terrified, like it was Halloween every day.”
We laughed and talked about Christina for a while, allowing ourselves to be catty, something we didn’t do very often. It felt good to get it out since I didn’t feel comfortable talking trash about her in front of Ryan, and especially not in front of Kayla. I was definitely feeling a lot better about pursuing something with Ryan, and I felt like I had found my courage again.
“So, okay,” I said. “I think I feel braver now.”
“The only thing I would caution you on is letting Ryan make the first move,” she replied.
“Why?”
“Whether we want to admit it or not, Ryan has some seriously heavy stuff going on in his life,” Bella replied. “It’s not like Christina left, and he could just move on. He has to deal with his daughter missing her and being heartbroken almost every single day. That is definitely something that can weigh on a man’s mind. I think you should let him make the first move so that you know that he is genuinely interested in you and not just willing to take an easily presented option.”
“True,” I said. “But what if he doesn’t make a move?”
“Then we will revisit this conversation and try to decide where to go from there,” she said. “I mean, in a way, he already has made a move by asking you to do this work on his house and taking days off from work to do it with you. At the same time, though, we don’t want to be those girls that read into everything. He could simply be trying to make things easier and less costly.”
“True,” I sighed.
We kept talking about it, and although I knew she was right on letting him make the first move, it didn’t dampen the spirits she had already risen for me. The biggest problem with the whole thing that I could see was the fact that I didn’t know how I was going to get through the next couple of days working with him without jumping his bones. All I could hope was that he made a move sooner rather than later, or I might find myself in a sticky situation. I definitely didn’t want to be a rebound girl or just someone for him to sleep with, but I really had the feeling that he wouldn’t do that sort of thing. At least, that was what I was hoping.
Chapter Thirteen
Ryan
“Kayla,” I yelled up the stairs. “Hurry up. You’re going to miss the bus.”
I walked back into the kitchen and closed up her lunch box, walking around the counter as she barreled down the stairs and into the kitchen. I swore that no matter how early I woke her up, she would still barely make it to the bus stop on time. I handed her a bagel and juice box, put her lunch box in her book bag, and shoved her toward the door. As we walked out onto the driveway, the bus pulled up, and she turned around and kissed me goodbye before running down and climbing on board. I shook my head and laughed at my daughter, ignoring the mothers that were gossiping down the street. I didn’t know what had changed in a couple of days, but I felt lighter, almost approaching my old self again, and I liked it.
When I went back inside, I cleaned up from breakfast, put away the trash, and started a pot of coffee. Alissa would be here any minute, and I wanted to jump right into the day to avoid any awkwardness from the day before. No matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to get her, or that kiss, off of my mind. In reality, there wasn’t a kiss, but there damn well should have been: something I needed to remedy very soon.
Her skin was so soft in my hands as I held her body close to mine, and her scent was more than intoxicating. I could still feel her soft, supple curves in my hands and the attraction pulling at us to move closer and closer to one another. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, no matter what I did. It had kept me up all night, but it was a much better reason to be lying awake in bed than thinking about Christina and wallowing in my own self-pity. I’d take lust for Alissa over pretty much anything else any day.
All the fears and all of the questions had just melted away when she was in my arms, and to my surprise, they never resurfaced. I was completely okay with everything, from our parents being married to it being tricky because of Kayla. There was no reason I needed to tell my daughter right away, and it would be easier to introduce someone new in my life if I knew that Kayla was already comfortable with her, and we were comfortable with each other. But all that seemed light years away at that point, since I still hadn’t gotten up enough courage to make the first move. I had never been shy, but I had never really had a girl that I was interested in beyond sex, besides Christina. Being married for so long, I kind of had forgotten how to even step forward and make that first move. Either way, whether it turned out sloppy or embarrassing, I had convinced myself that it was time that I go for it. There was no more time to lose.
Sure, at the beginning, I guessed I had a good time going out and just picking up women and going back to her place. But it was never satisfying in the end. First-time sex was always awkward, and that was basically what a string of one-night stands was: a bunch of first-time sex sessions with different women. Unless I was drunk, nothing seemed to want to go smoothly, and I had a hard time letting loose and enjoying myself. Not to mention that I hated when the sex was over, and it was time for me to leave. That was incredibly awkward in a way that I did not want to relive again. In reality, I was lonely, but not just lonely for anyone, but lonely without Alissa. I was ready to try my hand at another relationship, and I knew that this girl was the one I wanted. There was really no question about it. I had obsessed for months over this choice, and I was hoping that I had read all the signs the day before correctly, and she felt the same way about me. Either way, I wasn’t going to let fear stand in my way and not allow me to make that move and take that chance.
I pulled down a mug and poured a cup of coffee, smelling the aroma and smiling as I moved over to the table and took a seat. The cabinets were coming down in a few hours to make room for the new ones, and they were planning on removing the counters, too. They promised to have everything back up in two days so that we weren’t disrupted too much. Alissa took great care in explaining that this was a rush order because a little girl lived there and she couldn’t be functioning in a construction zone. It cost me a pretty penny to get them moving that fast, but in reality, I didn’t want to wait any longer than that anyway. It was definitely money well-spent.
My attention was pulled away from the renovations and to my phone ringing on the counter. It was either Alissa running late, which never happened, or work was calling with some sort of issue. I sighed and walked over, picking up the phone and looking down. I froze, my stomach sinking and a pain ru
nning through my chest. This was the last thing I needed. It was Christina calling. I sat there with my finger on the ignore button but decided it was better that I just answered or she would keep calling.
“Christina,” I said with a deep breath. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Hey, Ryan,” she said calmly. “I wanted to call and check up on Kayla.”
“She’s doing the best she can,” I said. “Finally smiling and playing again, but she has her days, I guess.”
“Good,” she said. “I’m glad to hear it. How are you?”
“Christina, I have an appointment to get to. What is it that you want?”
“Well,” she said with a slight attitude. “I have some time free, and I was thinking about coming into town and visiting. I want to see Kayla and surprise her. I know she would love that.”