Maybe it was dumb to think that Cane and I were going to be together forever. Maybe I was in over my head and maybe Cane would only want me for a couple years or even a few months, and then toss me aside, like the women he used to be with. Like Kelly. What would I do then? I would be helpless and hopeless and have to beg my parents for forgiveness because they were right.
But when the passenger door opened and he revealed his face, stretching his arm to offer his hand, I grasped the idea that maybe he would never leave. In his eyes, I saw hope and passion and love. In his eyes, I found comfort and peace. He looked at me like he would be there for me every step of the way, that he wouldn’t leave me stranded ever again.
“Coming inside?” he asked, eyes swimming with sympathy. I drew in a breath and took his hand, climbing out of the car and walking with him to the door.
He unlocked it and I thought he would take me to the kitchen or the den or even the living room but he didn’t. He took me upstairs to his bedroom. We walked past his king sized bed, by the dresser, and past the armoire until we reached the bathroom. He started the shower right away and then turned to me, undressing me slowly. I wanted to ask him what he was doing. Why was he doing this right now? I wasn’t in the mood for a shower or sex or whatever he may have wanted at the time. I just wanted to think, sulk really.
“Cane,” I murmured. But he merely ignored my plea. He continued undressing me and undressed himself. He watched my eyes the entire time, and when we were bare, he grabbed my hand, turning toward the shower and letting me in first.
He watched me, eyes intent, serious, then he cupped my face in his wet hands, still staring down at me in the loving, heated way only he could.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said. “I know how you feel.” His thumbs stroked the apples of my cheeks. “You’re hoping you’re doing the right thing...”
I blinked my tears away, the stream of water beating on my back. “Am I?”
He sighed, and even he wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do. Being together was both a risk and a challenge. So many things set us apart. He exhaled, studying my eyes, still holding my face.
“Do you love me?” he asked, voice lower.
“Yes,” I answered.
“Do you trust me?”
I shut my eyes but nodded. “Yes.”
“Are you certain that I am the man you want, Kandy? Because I’ll tell you now, I am not a saint. Though you think I’m this perfect man, I’m far from it. I have flaws—many of them. There are moments when you will not be able to stand the sight of me.” I opened my eyes and water spilled over his lips as they pressed together.
“I don’t care about any of that. I know who you are. I know what you are capable of. I know you have many flaws, but I can accept them because I love you.”
The skin around his eyes softened a bit, and his eyes seemed warmer. Deeper. He lowered his head and pressed his lips to mine. I moaned, wrapping my hands around his forearms and melting into the kiss. My heart boomed and my knees buckled and I held his arms tight, never wanting to let go.
“Then it’s settled,” he breathed on my lips. “Because everything you have said, I feel too. It hurts to be selfish—to take what you want and also hurt the ones you love in the process—but when it feels right, nothing should stop that. Nothing should get in the way of a person’s happiness. So, yes...I think you are doing the right thing. Just...give it time.” He kissed the tip of my nose and then reeled me into him. “He’ll understand eventually.”
I really hoped so.
Even though his words were encouraging and deep, they also moved me in a way that made my heart jump and my belly clench tight with anguish. I buried my face in his chest and held him close to me. The hot stream of water poured down my back, but the warmth couldn’t be matched to his.
“My Kandy,” he sighed, and a sob that had been brewing inside me finally broke out.
Just like Mom, I broke down, crying into his chest so hard I could barely breathe. But he didn’t say anything. He just held me tight and let me weep. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. He didn’t tell me to stop or to calm down, because he knew this was necessary. I was glad.