“No shit?”
“I felt nothing with Brody, Morgan. Not a damn thing. I was hoping I would feel a spark or something that would push me over the hump of my past, but…there was nothing. It didn’t even feel right. I know this is crazy to say, but I feel like I don’t belong to anyone else but the last guy I was with, and it sucks because we both wanted each other so much, but because of his life and his job, and because of my parents and my age, it’s not right for us to be together. I can’t have my family and have him too. Not after everything they know.”
“Wow.” She placed her hands on her waist. “This is some really deep shit.”
“I know.” I waved my hands. “Sorry to dump it all on you like this but…” A sigh escaped me, my chest feeling less heavy than it did five minutes ago. “It feels good to finally talk about it. I haven’t even told Frankie about it yet. I’m waiting to fill her in in person, during Thanksgiving break. I don’t want her freaking out or getting distracted, you know?”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Well, I’m glad you told me! And you know what—it is what it is! It’s life! I think you chose wisely. You need your parents. And, you know, just because you want to move on, it doesn’t mean that it has to be with Brody. It’s only been a few weeks, girl. You still need time to heal. Give yourself that time.” She hooked her arm through mine, starting up our walk again. “I would never judge you over something like that. Ever.”
I smiled up at her. I was glad.
We made it to our dorm and both of us changed into pajamas. We were done for the night. I didn’t have it in me to check my phone or text Frankie back about how awful I was at the party, so I curled up beneath my blankets and was glad Morgan shut the lights off and did the same after texting Gina to let her know we’d left.
I felt bad about that too, but luckily Gina said another teammate of ours, Claudia, had shown up, and Claudia was pretty nice and good friends with Gina.
We laid in silence for a moment, and I thought Morgan had fallen asleep, until she called my name.
“Yeah?” I murmured.
“I know you said he wanted you, but do you think he was in love with you? The guy you were with?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “He sometimes looked at me like he adored me. He even told me he wasn’t sure how he was going to move past me…but he never said anything about being in love. Did he love me? Yes. But I don’t know about him falling that hard for me.”
“Hmm.”
“What’s that for?”
“I don’t know. I guess…well, what I’m thinking is that he’s keeping the distance for your own good. Not to hurt you, but to give you a chance at better things. I’m sure you probably think he’s being selfish by not calling or texting, but maybe he’s being selfless by allowing you the chance to live your life instead of setting you back. A selfish man would have kept you around and not given a damn what your parents had to say. A selfish man would have stopped you from living your life, but instead he set you free.”
Wow. I had no words. Literally, none. Morgan, all though a goofball, was almost like Buddha. She was wise and real and genuine and I loved that about her.
“Anyway, good night. We have workouts in the morning. You know how that goes.”
“Yeah.” I forced a small, quiet laugh. “Good night, Morgan.”
Morgan’s snoring started up minutes later. I should have been sleeping too, but all I could think about was what she’d said. She’d hit the nail right on the head. It was almost like she’d known Cane personally.
Cane told me repeatedly that he wanted me to live my life…so why the hell wasn’t I doing that already?
Chapter Twenty-Two
CANE
Work was kicking my ass. My personal life was too.
I had meeting after meeting, flights from city to city, and on top of that, my mother and sister were up my ass like never before.
I guess I couldn’t complain too much. Mama had just gotten out two weeks ago and was doing good so far. She put a lot of time into baking again and I was glad she was happy doing it, but having her call me every three to four hours, asking me to send her some money to buy more supplies that were just going to sit around in the kitchen, was exhausting. And I couldn’t forget Lora, who loved manicures and pedicures and massages and shopping sprees.