“Enough, Jeremy. I’m sorry, but I don’t love you, maybe I never did. And that’s not something you can change, or we can work out. Please, don’t contact me again. Goodbye.” She hung up with a heavy heart, sadness pulling her down as she crawled into bed. Jeremy had been nothing but good to her and knowing the pain of unrequited feelings made her feel that much worse over the way she had treated him.
She fell asleep remembering the afternoon she met her father’s neighbor and how her tender young heart had fallen for a shining knight sitting astride a huge horse with the confidence born of experience and age rushing to her rescue. Little had she known then that one look into those cobalt eyes would seal her fate for years to come.
Tamara broke away from her new classmates to stand in line with much younger kids at the horse-riding ring, her heart beating faster with every step that brought her closer to her turn. She had only been living with the father she’d never met before for a few weeks after her mother had abandoned her in favor of taking off with her current boyfriend. Fear of being tossed aside again had been her constant companion, making her desperate to not only fit in at school, but to make Richard Barton and his wife proud enough to want to keep her. Admitting the couple had been nothing but kind and welcoming wasn’t enough to ease her insecurity.
The county fair the school had bussed them to for a day of fun to end the school year with was a new experience for her and she’d been enjoying the games and rides and the way her friends didn’t hesitate to include her. But when she spotted the horseback riding, she saw an opportunity she couldn’t resist. Everyone on the ranch could ride horses and all of her new friends boasted about riding. Here was a chance to accomplish a feat sure to impress and please her father and give her something in common with the other kids.
Her determination didn’t keep her from shaking as she watched the large animals trotting around the ring, the young riders bouncing on their backs. Her father had showed her around his ranch when she’d first arrived, warning her to stay clear of the horse’s hooves. But there was so much more to scare her than those heavy hooves. Having never even owned a dog, she found herself both fascinated and frightened by the horse’s beauty and size.
I can do this, Tamara told herself as one of the teenagers helping out opened the gate for her to enter. Keeping her eyes glued to the silky brown coat covering the bunching muscles of the next horse being led up to mount, she struggled to swallow past her dry throat.
“Are you ready, kid?” The tall girl bent and cupped her hands, waiting to boost her up, way up into the saddle. When Tamara hesitated, she cocked her head, asking, “What’s wrong? Haven’t you ridden before?” Disbelief underscored her words, as if it was unheard of to have reached the age of ten and finished the fifth grade in Willow Springs, Montana without knowing how to ride.
Squaring her small shoulders, Tamara ignored the blush stealing over her face, keeping her eyes averted from the much younger kids already mounted and laughing in enjoyment. Shoring up her resolve to fit in as fast as possible so she could stay, she kept quiet and put her foot in the older girl’s hands. “Grab the pommel, kid,” she snapped when Tamara gasped as she found herself hoisted up in the air and then leaning against the heaving side of the animal. She didn’t know what a pommel was but latched onto a protrusion on the front of the creaking saddle and pulled herself up. “There you go. You’re new around here, aren’t you? Maybe I should walk you around for a bit first,” the teen offered as Tamara swayed and squeezed her eyes shut.
Opening them again, she looked straight ahead instead of down and shook her head, determined to accomplish this feat on her own. “I… I’m good.”
“Okay, if you’re sure. Just follow the horse in front of you three times around.”
With a white-knuckled grip on the reins, Tamara sucked in a deep breath as the horse fell in line behind the one in front of them. She scanned the park, amazed at how far she could see from her high perch. The slow pace soon lulled her into relaxing and becoming accustomed to the strange feel of the animal moving under her. After one loop, she forgot the mortification of being five years older than any other kid in the ring and got brave enough to reach a trembling hand out to touch the soft mane hanging down the horse’s neck.
The sudden shift of its head and quick prance of its feet caught her off guard and with only one hand on the reins, she couldn’t stop from sliding sideways. Before she could catch enough breath to cry out, a hard arm swooped around her waist and righted her in the saddle, a deep voice reaching past the roaring in her head.
“There you go, sweetie. You’re okay.” The owner of that soothing voice tightened his arm as she grasped the reins with both hands again.
With nausea churning in her quivering stomach, she looked over and up into a tanned face shadowed by a lowered cowboy hat. Tamara watched, mesmerized as the older boy nudged his hat back, revealing eyes the color of the cloudless sky. Her racing heart slowed and then went pitter patter until he removed his arm.
With a nod and small curl of his lips, he nudged both horses into a slow walk, staying alongside her as he said, “Deep breath. You’ll get the hang of it. Move your body with the horse, yes, like that. These fillies are sweet and mellow, just the right temperament for newbie riders. Are you visiting someone in the area?”
Was it any wonder she remained overly conscious of her status as the new kid? Everyone seemed to know everyone else in this small town, something she wasn’t familiar with having grown up with a mother who moved from one big city to another every year or two. She shook her head, her hackles up as she replied in a defensive tone, “No, I live on the Barton Ranch.”
His small grin spread to a smile and her heart executed a funny roll. “You’re old man Barton’s daughter. I’m Connor Dunbar. We’re neighbors. Once you get your bearings, you can ride over to our place for a visit, and from the looks of you now, that won’t
take long. What’s your name?”
“Tamara.”
“Well, Tam, you’ve got a good seat, you just need confidence and practice.”
Pleased, liking the way he shortened her name, she realized they’d finished the second loop without her panicking again. Something about the way Connor looked at her, as if she was special, warmed her where she’d been so cold since her mother’s desertion. Not that her father had been unkind, just the opposite in fact. Both he and Amy seemed pleased to have her around. But she’d grown up knowing nothing was permanent, which had kept her from believing this time would be different.
“Thank you,” she said as another older teen called to him.
With a wave, he turned his horse with an expertise she envied, flashing another devastating smile that disrupted her young heart. “Catch you later, neighbor.”
Tamara watched him trot off, vowing to master riding as fast as possible because now she had two people she yearned to make proud of her.
Tamara awoke disgruntled at having her sleep disturbed by a reoccurrence of that memory, one she should have gotten over long ago. She’d been so young and scared when she had first come to Willow Springs, not to mention impressionable. That hadn’t been the only time Connor had come to her rescue, and she had been unprepared for the impact his chivalry would leave on her broken, tender heart.
With a sigh, she rolled out of bed and dressed for her first day at the clinic. With any luck, the two doctors who ran the only medical facility in town would have a slew of patients in need of physical therapy to take her mind off a certain cowboy she’d tried and failed to forget during her time away. She made the twenty-minute drive into Willow Springs with tired, gritty eyes and a determination to move forward with her life without looking back. If she’d learned one thing from her relationship with Jeremy, it was not to settle. She had returned home to find the happiness that had eluded her in the years away, and if that meant waiting, taking her time to search not only for what she needed to attain that goal, but to get it from the right person, then so be it.
She hit the city limits and waved to a few early morning pedestrians as she drove past the small hubbub of the town square on her way to the clinic. Nothing much had changed since she’d left town. The hangouts where she’d spent so much time as a teenager were still as popular now, and other than a few new businesses, Willow Springs hadn’t grown much. She wished she had put out more effort to see her friends during her many return trips home. Other than to visit with Nan at her teashop and go into Billings with her for a day of shopping and lunch, she hadn’t visited other friends and acquaintances she’d known for years. Nan had laid into her the other day when Tamara stopped by her teashop for the first time since moving back. After her usual lecture for going away in the first place, she’d brought tears to Tamara’s eyes with a crushing hug and heartfelt, “Damn, I’m glad you’re back for good” whisper.
Connor Dunbar’s painful rebuke the day she’d ridden to his place to talk to him about the job offer in Boise and instead ended up spying on him and some girl going at it in his barn had sent her running so fast, Tamara hadn’t stopped long enough to tell anyone except her father and Amy she’d decided to take the job. The only thing that had kept her from accepting it had been the thought of moving away from Connor, but after he’d laid into her and made his feelings crystal clear, she no longer had that excuse to stay around here. She had been so hurt, jealous and confused by her reaction when she’d stumbled upon that unexpected scene, she’d kept everything about that encounter to herself. Even though she suspected Amy might have an inkling her taking off that way had something to do with Tamara’s unrequited infatuation with Connor, neither of them had brought it up yet.
As Tamara parked and strolled into the back entrance of the clinic where the physical therapy room was located, she tried shoving aside intruding memories best left in the past, but when had she ever succeeded with putting her feelings for Connor on the back burner? She’d applied for the new physical therapist position online, interviewed for it over the phone and accepted the job via e-mail. Other than visiting with Nan at her tea shop on Friday, today was the first day since moving back two weeks ago that she would get reacquainted with a few more people. That prospect lightened her step.
The morning staff meeting went longer than she planned for and after thanking everyone for their warm welcome she dashed back down the hall to the physical therapy room. Furnished with two raised mats, a set of parallel bars, pulleys along one wall to go along with the various exercise equipment hanging up and a small desk in the far corner, it appeared to have everything she needed. The space wasn’t big or fancy, but it was all hers and would work well. Padding over to her desk, she planned to check the scheduled appointments for the day but the bell above the door pealed as someone entered, diverting her attention.