When she’d spotted his tall form at the cemetery last year, a curl of resentment took up residence in her abdomen despite the pleasure seeing him always wrought. She’d wanted to blame him for the time she’d lost with her dad by moving away, just as she tried blaming him because she’d finally caved to Jeremy’s pursuit of her as soon as she returned to Boise after the funeral and for letting that relationship go further than was right considering her tepid feelings. But it wasn’t Connor’s fault his feelings didn’t run as deep or in the same direction as hers for him.
Another grip tightened her chest, this one forcing her to push off the rail and bring her fingers to her lips to let out a shrill whistle. With head and tail high, her Arabian, Galahad came trotting over with a soft whinny of welcome.
“You’re always glad to see me, aren’t you, pretty boy?” she crooned to the stallion before grabbing his mane and swinging up onto his back. Powerful muscles bunched under her thighs as he pranced in excited anticipation. Leaning over his neck, she brought her mouth near his twitching ear. “You and me, Galahad, just like always. Go!” With a nudge to his heaving sides, he bolted across the meadow.
The ground thundered beneath them as Tamara basked in the sense of freedom and the thrill of chasing the wind. This was a pleasure she couldn’t get living in the city, an escape that never failed to ease her worries and regrets. On the back of her beloved steed, she could forget the hurtful words hurled at her by the one person she couldn’t seem to get out of her system no matter how hard she tried or how far she ran. She’d been pining for Connor since her first summer in Montana and her ten-year-old heart had rolled over at her first glimpse of his startling blue eyes, and nothing had changed in the two decades since.
He wasn’t for her, he’d made that clear over the years, but she hadn’t listened until he’d shocked her with his uncharacteristic anger and cruel words. She was older now, wiser and hopefully hardened against the impact he’d always had on her. At least, that’s what she was counting on. Between her new job and the responsibilities of running the ranch, she would be busy enough that thoughts of her neighbor shouldn’t intrude on her life anymore.
By the time Tamara steered Galahad back toward the stable where Lady, his new companion was waiting in the attached corral, her muscles were aching, her cheeks chafed from the wind and her hair draped down her back in a tangled mess. Sliding off his back, she leaned against his warm bulk, feeling much better than when she’d ventured out from the house in a melancholy mood. Confident she could face the sad memories waiting for her inside and keep other unwanted thoughts at bay, she groomed Galahad, tossed each horse a scoop of their favorite pellets and left the barn.
“Hey, Tamara, hold up a sec, would you?” Jason, her foreman called out.
Halting halfway across the lawn and drive, she pivoted and walked toward her father’s right-hand man. A tall, lean man in his late fifties, he’d been hired by her dad several years before Richard’s health had taken a turn for the worse last year. She didn’t know Jason well, but from her scan of the books last night, the ranch appeared to be running smoothly and turning a profit, and she figured he had a lot to do with that.
“Isn’t Sunday your day off?” she asked as he smiled at her. His green eyes stood out against a tanned, craggy face any woman would find attractive. As with most men she thought appealing, she couldn’t seem to drum up anything more than a mild interest and appreciation for a friend. Besides, from what she’d noticed, he had eyes on her stepmother.
“It is, but I wanted to ride out to the north pasture to check on the new calves before taking off for Billings. I saw you coming in and thought I’d pass on that they look hale and hearty, should bring in high dollars in a few years. I noticed a few mature head ready to cut from the herd and sell but wanted to run that by you before I left so I can add them to the roster for later this week.”
“My dad trusted you to know what’s what, so I’ll go with whatever you think. If you’re good with continuing to run things as you have been, I’d appreciate it. I start work tomorrow and will be in Willow Springs at the clinic on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, which won’t leave me much time to stay on top of all the details of running the ranch.” Tamara wished she could have made working the ranch a priority; that would have pleased her dad. But the desire to get her money’s worth out of her master’s degree and work a few more years in her chosen field took precedence. She hadn’t expected to inherit the reins to the Barton spread so soon and figured it wasn’t going anywhere, so she would have time to become more involved in the day-to-day decisions later. “Is the new hand working out any better?” She’d met their most recent employee a few days ago and was reserving judgment as his air of insolence and laziness hadn’t left a very good first impression.
“You know I’m happy to stay on with you and am still undecided on Neil Anders. I’m hoping he’s just having trouble getting acclimated around here and isn’t as shiftless as he’s coming across.” He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “Your dad was a good man, someone I respected and admired because he always gave people the benefit of the doubt. He’s missed around here.”
She nodded and spun around, blinking back tears. “Thanks, Jason.” With a backward wave, she trotted up to the house, relieved Amy was off visiting her sister in Bozeman for the weekend and wouldn’t return until late the next day. Although she adored her stepmother, Amy had been hovering since Tamara had returned and it was nice to have some breathing room and the day to h
erself to prepare for her new job. She intended to stay busy enough to keep one blue-eyed cowboy from intruding on her thoughts.
Stepping into the wide, tiled foyer of the rustic ranch home, nostalgia struck her again. Straight ahead, hanging above the stone fireplace, a picture of her father and Amy greeted anyone entering their house. At the age of forty-two, Richard had been a confirmed bachelor and had never tired of telling Tamara how he’d fallen head over heels in love with confirmed bachelorette Amy when they’d met at a New Year’s Eve party. Married a scant three months later, he often relayed with a beaming smile how much Tamara’s sudden, unexpected presence had disrupted their lives on their six-year anniversary in the most wonderful way, saying she was the best thing to come from his wild, single days.
She may have spent the first ten years of her life with a neglectful, self-centered mother, Tamara reflected, but the following nineteen years she’d had with her father had made up for it. With a sigh, she padded into the great room where Amy’s renovation of taking down the wall separating it from the kitchen was still a messy work in progress. As soon as Tamara settled in, she hoped to have plans drawn up to start building her own place. As much as she loved her stepmother, she didn’t want to live with her forever. Wading through the mess, she put together a sandwich and then spent the evening finishing her unpacking.
Mental and physical exhaustion pulled at her by the time she stowed her emptied suitcases in the walk-in closet of the room she had occupied since her first night on the ranch. As she slid into bed, her phone buzzed and she reluctantly checked the caller ID. Damn, so close. Guilt and exasperation rushed to the surface as she thought about ignoring her ex-fiancé’s call, but she knew from experience that would just be putting it off. In the month since she’d called off their wedding, Jeremy had refused to accept they couldn’t fix whatever had changed her mind.
“Jeremy,” she sighed, answering the phone. “It’s late.”
“It’s not even ten, baby.”
She hated when he called her that generic nickname, and he knew it. “I have to get up early. There are chores I need to see to before going to work.”
His heavy sigh came through the phone loud and clear. “I thought you had hired hands for that.”
“That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t pull my weight and take care of my own horse myself.”
“Look, I know you feel bad about your dad’s passing, but that doesn’t mean you have to bury yourself out in the boonies. I tried calling you earlier, but you didn’t answer.”
The slight admonishment in his tone grated on her nerves, as did his refusal to understand she wanted to be here, but she forced herself to remember she had wronged him by letting their relationship get as far as it did when she had known her heart wasn’t in the right place to make such a commitment. “Sorry. I went riding and didn’t take my phone.” Which hadn’t been by mistake.
“That was irresponsible,” he chided. “See, there’s another example of why you need me. What if you had fallen and gotten hurt?”
Tamara laughed. “I haven’t toppled off a horse in ages. Besides, I’ve told you, this is a working ranch. There are hands around if someone finds themselves in need of help. I’m tired, Jeremy, and need to get up early.”
“I just wanted to wish you luck tomorrow. Besides, we spent over a year not going to sleep without telling each other good night.”
“But we’re not a couple any longer,” she reminded him as gently as she could while grinding her teeth together.
“We will be as soon as you get over whatever’s bothering you. You need to tell me so we can at least begin hashing this out,” he insisted for about the hundredth time since she’d broken off their engagement.
Tamara hated to do it but saw no other choice. She needed to get firm and end this once and for all, even if it meant hurting a good, decent man whose only fault was falling in love with a woman who couldn’t love him back the way he deserved.