I gaze up at her, at her strange human face with the thick, slashing eyebrows and narrow cheeks. She has become so dear to me that I no longer see her as anything but beautiful. Perfection. "Don't cry."
"How can I not?" she says bitterly, as tears roll down her face. "I let my guard down. I was just so happy that you weren't him that I got carried away. I trusted others to have your best interests at heart and now I've made a mess of everything. And I let them hurt you."
Her voice breaks on the last note, and it takes a moment for my foggy head to soak all of that in. She's crying over me? "What do you mean?"
"It's my fault," she says again. "When I watched your vids again yesterday, I realized that you were different. You have the same face but you move different." Her voice becomes hard and brittle and she blinks rapidly. "I saw Crulden's pinky bitten off in a fight and I realized that you weren't him. That all the horrible things I'd seen were someone else. You just have the same face. I realized you must be a clone, and it all made sense. That's why you don't have memories of a before—there's no before for you. And I thought…I thought…" She breaks, her breath ragged. "I thought if you weren't Crulden, they wouldn't shove you into the championships. It turns out that they mutilated you to match instead."
Ah.
It all makes sense now.
I should be upset to find out that I’m a mere copy of someone, but instead, it feels as if all the pieces of the puzzle have slid into place. The fact that I am a clone makes sense. My disorientation, the lack of memories, the fact that my stamina doesn't seem to be what they want, all of it contributes to the theory. I suspect the only reason I know as much as I do about fighting moves and arena rules is because they somehow forced the information into my head.
So maybe I should be angry that I’m not the real Crulden…but I’m glad. I’m glad because it means I’m not that monster. I might be a monster in some ways, but Mina’s no longer afraid of me.
In fact, my poor Mina is devastated because she wanted to save me and ended up harming me instead.
I lick my dry lips, thinking about the other clones. "My skin isn't red."
"I know. You must be illegal. They're trying to pass you off as the real thing but…you're not him." Her fingers caress my brow. "I should have known it wasn't you from the start. I'm so sorry, Crulden. I'll understand if you hate me. I just hope you'll let me somehow make it up to you."
"Hate you? Why would I hate you?" I reach up to touch her face with my uninjured hand. Her skin is wet with tears, and she can't seem to stop crying. I'm humbled that she cares so deeply for me. Has anyone ever cried for me? For this Crulden? I suspect not. "Mina, you are the only good thing in my life."
She cries harder, turning toward my palm and pressing a kiss there. "We're going to get out of here," she promises me fiercely. "Nothing about that has changed. You and I, we're going to somehow get free and we'll start over. It'll just be you and me."
"How?" I ask. I have no memories of any life but this. I'm not prepared for anything but fighting. But Mina wants us to be free, desperately, and I want to be with Mina. If they let me keep her forever, I think I would stay here forever and be happy. But if Mina goes, I'm going with her.
Mina considers this. "I don't know yet. We'll think of something, though." She touches my face, her fingers tracing the lines of my jaw. "You're not a monster, though. You're not him. You're my Crulden, not that Crulden."
I like being hers. I like that more than anything. "Not Crulden at all."
She kisses my palm again. "Do you want to be called something else?"
"I like it when you call me yours," I admit, and her cheeks flush. "What do you want to call me?"
"We'll think of something," Mina promises me. "I'm sorry I doubted you." She looks as if she wants to cry again. "I'm so mad at myself for getting you into this mess." Her fingers graze over my distorted mouth. "You should hate me."
"Never," I murmur, and I wish I could kiss her the way she says humans kiss. Full on mouth-on-mouth. I wish I could show her how much she means to me. How she makes everything better just by smiling at me. I'd give up all my fingers for Mina. I'd give up my life for Mina. She needs to realize that.