“I do, Tay. God, I love you.” His voice was muffled as he pressed his lips to the back of my shoulder.
“Then why are you doing this?”
“Because it can never be.”
That was all I needed to hear. I shouldn’t have to convince him to want something he didn’t.
“Fine. It’s over.” I angrily swiped tears from my cheeks. “Not like it ever really started, right?”
“Tay.”
“Is that all you wanted to say? Because if so, it’s cool. I get it. It’s done and over with. We’ll never speak of it again.” Blake was quiet for a moment before I felt him nod his head against the back of my shoulder.
“Okay, well, I need to find T.J. Lawrence. He asked me to hang out with him, so . . .” I let the implication of what I could possibly end up doing later with T.J. hang in the air.
“Tayia,” he growled, but I ignored him and pushed away.
“Drive safe back to Charleston,” I said in the most upbeat voice I could muster, opened the door, and then got out of the car. “Text me when you get there,” I called over my shoulder bu
t never looked at him because the tears were starting to stream down my face.
I walked toward the front door of Catch as I heard the loud roar of Blake’s engine as it faded away in the distance. Instead of going inside to find T.J., who’d never even spoken to me that night, I sat on the stairs that led up to Jonna’s new apartment and bawled my eyes out.
How would I survive this? The way I felt right now, I was sure I would melt into a puddle of heartbreak and despair as I mourned the loss of the life I dared to dream was possible with my soul mate.
Chapter Ten
Dad and Maggie had been putting off moving to Pennsylvania for a while. Maggie’s parents were suffering from the early stages of Alzheimer’s and were having a hard time looking after each other. Dad spent as much time as he could with Blake teaching him how to run the auto repair shop, and Maggie showed me how to do the books. They weren’t sure how long they would be gone, but leaving our grandparents in a senior care facility was out of the question. When Grandma nearly burned the kitchen down because she’d forgotten about the pie she’d put in the oven and took a nap, Dad and Maggie immediately packed up and drove to Pennsylvania the next day.
This left Blake, Lucy, and me alone in the house. I hated this arrangement more than I could ever put into words. When Blake moved home after graduation, he wasn’t alone. He claimed that Lucy staying there was only temporary because she still had a roommate in Charleston who depended on her to pay her share, but as months went by, the more permanent her place in the house seemed to become.
Blake had claimed the master suite after our parents moved out and Lucy spent days painting their room and filling it with repurposed furniture. What’s worse is that they spent an awful lot of time in there and when they weren’t huddle together like two hermits, Witch Face strutted around in a bikini top and tight little jean shorts, her go-to clothing items.
I developed the habit of wearing earbuds around the house while I listened to music or my audiobooks. Partly to retreat into my own little world and partly so that I could tune out the sounds of Blake and Lucy doing things that couples do. Like talking to each other, laughing together, saying “babe” this and “babe” that . . .
Honestly, the entire arrangement felt like death to me.
Lucy was also a complete slob, but I wasn’t surprised. She never lifted a finger to clean anything and was terrible in the kitchen. Once she attempted to cook something for dinner, which stunk to high heaven, and after that, she was banned from using the stove.
I even made extra efforts to ensure the house was immaculate just to emphasize how useless she was. I would plug my earbuds in and methodically move from room to room, scrubbing, vacuuming, polishing, and dusting every surface. It somehow made me feel better to walk through a house where everything was in its place. I could demand a clean house even if it was the only thing I could control.
It wasn’t long before I noticed how Lucy started to comply with my standards of cleanliness or she would steer clear of me to avoid my wrath. She also stopped trying to be my friend. In fact, she quit talking to me altogether, and I preferred it that way.
The hardest part to handle was how my relationship with Blake had changed.
Just as we agreed, we never spoke about that night in the cabin. At times, I found myself questioning whether it truly happened; although, a moment that perfect was hard to forget. Yes, perfect and too good to be true.
We didn’t spend time together in the woods like before, though I knew he still went out there alone. Sometimes, I was almost tempted to follow, but instead, I forced myself to stay in my room and turn to my books—the one thing that had always brought me comfort. I could get lost in the stories and forget about the things in my life that caused me pain, even if it was just for a little while.
One morning, I was bent over in the laundry room, pulling clothes out of the dryer and jamming out to something on the radio, when I felt a hand lightly whack my behind. Startled, I stood and yelped.
“Oh shit! Tayia, I’m sorry.” Blake stared back at me with eyes wide with shock and regret. Clearly, that whack had been meant for Lucy. “I thought you were . . . uh, shit. I’m sorry.” He left the laundry room as if he couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
I never even got a chance to say anything.
****
“There is no way I’m calling you Nitro, Neil.” I smirked at Blake’s best friend as I handed him his receipt.