Vee drove us to the church. I thought it was ironic his funeral was being held there, since Noah was pretty vocal about how he’d lost his faith. I always thought I’d fall for someone whose beliefs matched mine, but somehow, I loved Noah so much more deeply because he questioned things. He didn’t accept what was laid out in front of him and that took courage.
In a way, he taught me to do the same. I still had a deep belief in God, still cherished the teachings of the Bible, but I wouldn’t blindly accept doctrines that I hadn’t taken the time to study and decide if they were beliefs I wanted to adhere to.
I spotted Sister Dorothy outside when we arrived at the church. She sat on a bench drinking a fancy iced latte through a straw, and despite everything, something about the sight of her brightened my mood. I loved how she did and said things you’d never expect from a nun. I told Vee I’d catch up with her and approached the bench.
“Estella, I heard the sad news,” she said, her eyes dipping in sympathy. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” I said as I sat.
Her hand came to rest over mine. “How are you?”
“I’m not sure. Just coping really,” I replied quietly.
“Were you close with the young man?”
Something about her question caused a tear to leak out. She must’ve sensed the grief swelling inside me because she gave my hand a gentle squeeze.
“I see,” she murmured thoughtfully.
“It might be a while before I fill out all the paperwork for the convent, but I’ll get to it as soon as I can,” I told her.
Her wise eyes came to mine. “May I be frank?” I nodded and she continued, “I think you should hold off on that paperwork for a while.”
“But Sister—”
“I can see you’re suffering and are probably searching for a place to belong in the world, but I’ve taken some more time to think about it, and I don’t believe this is the right path for you.”
I stared at her, dumbfounded. Was she right? I was too numb inside to tell.
“Estella, are you coming?” Vee called from the entrance to the church.
Sister Dorothy patted my hand. “Go. But think about what I said when you feel able.”
I stood and went to join Vee, a little adrift. Sister Dorothy had just thrown me a curve ball I hadn’t been prepared to catch. I respected her opinion greatly, and if she thought I was making the wrong choice then I had to consider it.
We walked into the church and I expected it to be empty, but surprisingly a bunch of people had shown up. I recognised them from the remembrance. These were people who’d listened to Noah tell his truth. For a brief moment, my heart filled to know his story had an impact.
I was shocked when I felt someone’s hand close around mine. It was Vee’s. I met her gaze, and she seemed as overcome as I was by the people here.
“I shouldn’t have loved him. By all accounts I should’ve despised him for how he came to be, but I didn’t,” she whispered.
“He knew that,” I told her, emotion clogging my throat.
“You two, there was something between you, wasn’t there?” she went on, and my breath caught. I couldn’t respond, only managing a quick, sober nod. “When I told you to stay away from him, it was only because I hadn’t seen him in such a long time. He’d been to prison, and I worried it might’ve damaged him. But I’m glad you didn’t listen to me. I’m glad someone loved him, even if it was only for a short while,” she said, and I was in danger of bursting into tears right there, but I managed to hold them back.
Aoife and Jimmy appeared, each taking a turn to hug me tight. When the mass ended, and people had paid their respects, Vee and I drove away from the church in silence. Since no body had been found, there was nothing to bury, so we didn’t go to the graveyard.
Vee parked outside the house, but I noticed she was hesitant to go inside. I was hesitant, too, but I couldn’t determine why exactly. There was a heavy tension radiating from the building, like a negative energy that pushed all living things away.
With a pit in my stomach, I undid my seatbelt and climbed out of the car. Vee followed shortly after me. Stepping inside the house, I saw Sylvia’s bedroom door had been left slightly open. There was something foreboding about the silence, and an odd instinct had me moving down the hall towards her door.
25.
I peered into her room, emitting a frightened cry of shock. An empty bottle of pills lay on her bedside table, and her small, lifeless body lay prone. I hurried to check for a pulse but found none. By the empty pill bottle was a sheet of paper, on which two words were scrawled.