The next two days were the worst of my life. It was like Dad’s accident on repeat. I had so much pain and grief, it felt like my body wasn’t big enough or strong enough to contain it. The search for Noah ended. No body was recovered. A small funeral mass was arranged by Irene and Siobhan, since Vee was just as out of it as I was. She kept mostly to her room.
A part of me wondered if Noah had survived and simply left like a ghost in the night like he’d always planned to. But all his things were still in his room, his motorbike still parked outside in the driveway. It was a painful reminder of his absence. Still, I clung onto hope, because somehow the thought of him being alive and out there somewhere was less painful than him being gone forever. Even if it meant he’d abandoned me.
I called his phone endlessly, only ever getting the beep of his voicemail in response. I left countless messages, but a part of me knew there would be no reply.
I tried to comfort myself with the fact that he was finally free of the horrors that haunted him, free of the revenge that consumed him, but it was no use. I didn’t want him to be gone, even if he was at peace. I wanted him back and alive in my arms.
On the morning of his funeral, I pulled myself together, dressing in a plain black dress and cardigan. Then I went to knock on Vee’s door.
“Who is it?” asked a weak voice.
I opened the door slowly and entered the room. Vee lay in bed, her vacant stare trained on the ceiling. I could almost see the guilt that ate at her, and I had to use up all my reserves of forgiveness not to blame her for what happened. She hadn’t meant to harm anyone but herself by walking out into the sea that night. Knowing what she’d been through, I understood why she’d done it. But it was still hard to be kind when all I wanted to do was yell and scream and kick something. It wouldn’t achieve anything, and it certainly wouldn’t make me feel any better.
Vee was a victim just like Noah, and I simply couldn’t allow her to go back to her old ways, wallowing and wasting away in this house. It was the last thing Noah would’ve wanted.
“Are you coming to the funeral?” I asked in a gentle voice. Her bloodshot eyes met mine as she struggled to push up out of the bed. She seemed completely out of it. “Yes, um,” a pause as her brow furrowed. “The funeral’s today?”
I nodded, concerned. The fact she no longer knew what day it was worried me.
Vee looked around as though trying to find her bearings. “Just give me time to shower and dress.”
“He never wanted you to stay here. You know that, right? You’re the reason he came back,” I said.
Tears filled Vee’s eyes as she stared at the floor. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”
“Of course, you do. There’s a whole world out there, and anywhere is better than here. You must have some money left from Dad’s life insurance.”
She cast me a glance. “Very little.”
“It’s still something. It’s a start. Plus, you’ve got a car and the clothes on your back. Don’t stay here, Vee. Let Noah’s sacrifice be for something.”
I saw her absorbing my words as she stood from the bed. “I’ll think about it,” she answered weakly.
Her response was better than nothing, I guessed. At least she was considering it.
I went downstairs, opening the front door on autopilot and picking up the morning newspaper. I barely spared it a glance, but something about the front-page headline caught my eye. I saw the words “fraud” and “exposed” and stood in the doorway to scan the article.
My breath caught.
It detailed what Noah had told me of Hawkins and Mayor McBride stealing money from the school and the town to line their pockets. Evidence had been brought forward against them, exposing how they’d been skimming money and using Enda Riordan and Matt O’Hare to launder it through their businesses. All four of them would face prosecution. Had Noah arranged for this to happen? It made sense since he’d told Hawkins to watch his back.
Not only had he let everyone in the town know what kind of people they were, he’d also ensured they’d be punished for their crimes. I felt strangely content about that.
A little while later, Vee came down dressed in black, her hair damp from the shower. Sylvia remained in her room, her presence in the house a constant foreboding dark cloud. She refused to go to Noah’s funeral, which didn’t surprise me. I was pretty sure Vee and I were going to be the only two in attendance. We were the only ones who loved him. I wished I convinced him how loveable he truly was before he was gone.