“Wow. No faith. No hometown spirit.” He shook his head in mock disapproval.
I started to giggle and had to stop myself. If I got too drawn in I knew I’d wimp out of breaking the news. This would be when he would decide if he was interested in putting in the effort, or if a clean break was best. I was so hoping for him to want to try.
Our waitress came carrying water a few minutes after Jacob had sat down. I already knew what I’d get—a BLT with avocado, the same thing I always got—so I studied Jacob’s face instead of the menu, hoping he’d also made up his mind, anything to expedite the lunch.
“And for you, sir?” the waitress asked, turning to Jacob after she’d scribbled my order on her notepad. His eyes were still jumping around his menu but it hadn’t stopped me from telling the waitress we were ready to order.
“I’ll also have a BLT with avocado as well,” he said after a short beat, deferring to my selection.
“Very good,” the waitress replied. She had stringy blond hair and a face that had molded from years of working as a server. “I’ll be right back with your orders. Any coffee or tea to go along with your water?”
“I’m fine, thank you,” I said quickly.
“No thanks,” Jacob said.
Both of us sat quietly for a few moments after she left. Jacob looked to be enjoying the pleasantry of the warm day while I continued to mull over the right words to use.
“So, how have you been since I saw you last?” he asked with a chuckle. “I know forty-eight hours can be a long time. ”
“You're right about that,” I said without doing the math. “I’ve been good, though.”
Say it, I thought. Tell him what’s happened in the last forty-eight hours.
Yet, somehow the words didn't leave my mouth. I wasn't ready to ask him where we stood as a couple yet.
It was only a short while before our waitress returned carrying our food, but not much had been said on either side. We’d traded greetings, commented on the nice weather and debated the best sandwich toppings. It wasn’t that he was awkward, but even after the food had been delivered I found myself struggling to keep up with the conversation, as if each reply had to navigate through a sea of fog before finding its way to my lips.
I ate my food, but barely tasted it. I was so nervous. If we were going to break up, this was the moment. This was when it would happen.
With each sentence I was only delaying the inevitable. Everything I said felt out of place, like I was concealing a wound with bandage after bandage. There weren’t many things capable of spoiling a good sandwich for me, but sitting across from Jacob with the feeling of impending disaster was one of them.
There were several times, a few hesitations, where I’d tried to pull the words out from my throat but couldn’t. Each time I’d stopped myself, not wanting to take the step that would shatter our relationship, or our bond, or whatever it could be called. I didn’t want to say the words that could shatter us.
But the last thing I wanted was for him to propose another date. Or to ask how my job search was going. No, the news had to come out on my own accord.
Nothing had changed in my mindset but at the next lull in the conversation there was something that finally pushed the words off my tongue.
“Hey, so, remember that internship I told you about?” I said, the words coming out so fast that I couldn’t have stopped myself if I tried.
“Yeah, the one at ZephTech? The really crazy hard one?” Of course he remembered. This was a guy that actually cared about me, my goals and my interests, the exact reason that the moment at hand was so difficult.
“Yeah, that one. Well, I kind of have some news,” I said, watching his eyes for a reaction. “I got accepted into their internship program.”
This was the moment I’d been waiting for. The moment I’d been dreading.
“You did?” he said, his eyes finally reacting with an animated flutter.
I nodded with a forced grin, a signal that I was still awaiting a reaction.
“Alicia! Congratulations,” his response sounded exactly like Caroline’s. “That’s incredible.”
“Thank you.” I still wasn't sure what was happening yet.
“You got it. You did it.” He looked so excited for me, I thought he might jump up and dance around the table.
“Yeah, this is the one I was hoping for,” I replied.
“Congratulations,” he said enthusiastically. “Lunch is on me.”