I had a dream that Jeff and I were walking along the river. Holding hands, we were swinging a little boy between us. We were laughing, but then I stopped laughing when I saw a little girl standing in front of me. She looked so sad, and I asked her what was wrong.
“You let me go. ”
She turned and started to walk away from me. I yelled for her over and over again to stop. I started to run, but then fell. I was holding onto my stomach. Oh my god…the pain is unbearable.
Then I heard Jeff.
“Ari, baby, wake up. Ari. . . wake up. ”
My eyes flew open, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I looked around; we were stopped and parked outside of our house. I needed out of the truck now.
“I have to get out. I can’t breathe, Jeff!”
The next thing I knew, the door to the truck was open, and Jeff was carrying me out, heading up the stairs to the porch. He opened the door to find Josh and Heather standing there, looking at us. I took one look at Heather and could tell she was very upset.
“Heather, what’s wrong? “ I asked.
Jeff carried me right by the two of them. As we headed into our room, I turned around to see her following us.
“Heather, can you pull the covers down for me?” Jeff asked as he walked me around to the other side of the bed.
“Really, Jeff, I’m fine. You can put me down, baby. I’m fine. ”
Jeff slowly started to set me down on the bed. My ribs were killing me and I tried so hard to not show how badly I was hurting.
“Ari, do you want me to make you some tea?” Heather asked, looking from me back up to Jeff.
“Oh, thank you, Heather. Then, will you please sit with me for a bit so we can talk?” I looked at Jeff and tried to let him know that I wanted to be alone with Heather for a bit.
“If you got this, Heather, I think I’ll go check on the horses,” Jeff said. Leaning down, he kissed me and then moved his mouth over to my ear. “I love you so much. Rest, baby. Don’t get upset okay?” he whispered.
I nodded. “I love you, too. ”
I heard Heather in the kitchen. She was talking to someone, but I couldn’t tell who it was. I slowly started to get up to make my way to the bathroom. I stopped by my dresser and grabbed a pair of sweats and a Longhorn T-shirt. Ugh, I felt like shit. I decided a shower was just what I needed.
***
When I stepped out of the shower, I saw Grace standing there, waiting for me. She gave me the sweetest smile and my heart melted. I was so happy that Ellie had Grace in her life now. She needed a mother figure, and Gunner’s mom just seemed to love Ellie.
Heather was sitting on the bed, looking at me. I could tell she’d been crying. She looked like shit.
“Um, I just decided that I needed a shower,” I said.
Grace walked up and took my arm and guided me back over to the bed. Passing by the sink, she grabbed my hair brush.
“Come on, baby girl. Let’s get you off your feet. You need to not push yourself too much for the first few days. The more you relax, the better it will be. It will get easier, Ari. The pain will go away…well, not all the way, but it will dull. ”
I looked over at Grace and gave her a weak smile. I didn’t want to be cold-hearted, but I just wanted to tell her that she had no idea how I was feeling.
“You can say it, Arianna. ”
I looked at her, shocked. “Say what?”
“I know you want to ask me how I know that the pain will go away or maybe how I even have the right to tell you that it will get easier. ”
I glanced over at Heather, who was looking at Grace with the same shocked look on her face that I was sure I had.
I had to clear my throat to get the question out. “You’ve lost a baby before?”