“Have you seen him since you told me you’re pregnant?”
“Yes. He was waiting for me at my cabana to make sure I was alright.”
“Did he ask you to stay with him?”
I shook my head. “He knows I love you and only you!”
“Oh yeah? Sure doesn’t seem like he cares if he’s fucking you with his fingers and sucking on your nipples, now does it?”
I felt like I was going to throw up. “Scott…we were both lost and hurting. I would have never…I didn’t…I stopped him. All I could think about was you and how wrong it felt, even when I thought you had cheated on me. Please, Scott. You have to know that I wish to God it had never happened.” I sucked in a breath of air as I sobbed. I tried to keep talking. “If I just hadn’t run away, none of this would have happened.”
The look in his eyes turned from anger to hurt. “You never even called…you just left. You left me to wonder where in the fuck you were and whom you were with. I was slowly dying with each day that passed.”
I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands. “I’m so sorry! I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I would never hurt you.”
I looked up and saw tears rolling down his face. I did hurt him though. I did the one thing I thought he was going to do to me.
He shook his head and walked past me. When he opened the sliding glass door, I jumped up and grabbed his arm.
“Wait! Where are you going, Scott? Please don’t walk away. Please don’t leave me.”
He slowly looked up at me, and the sadness in his eyes gutted me.
“I need to be alone for a while. I need to think, Jessica.”
I threw my hand up to my mouth and tried to keep the sick feeling I had down. “Let me come with you…please,” I begged.
“No. I just need some time to clear my head. I can’t even really think right now. Every time I look at you, I think of him touching the one thing that I value the most in this world. I think of you, pregnant, with him…” He stopped talking as he turned and walked out the sliding glass door.
I stood there, watching him head toward the beach. I quickly turned and ran into the bathroom where I began throwing up.
Scott had been gone for over thirty minutes. I walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I found it stocked with bottled waters and every kind of beer I could think of. I grabbed a bottle of water and made my way out to the deck that was off of the main living room. The view was amazing. I looked up and down the beach, but I saw no signs of Scott. I quickly wiped away the tear I felt, and I tried my best to keep from crying.
I was starting to get cold, so I walked back in and grabbed a blanket. I headed back outside. I was so tired, and I fought to keep my eyes open. I was hungry also.
I placed my hand on my stomach, and for the first time, I talked to my child. “Daddy is upset with Mommy, and he has every right to be. I really screwed up…but I thought your daddy screwed up first.” I made a face and shook my head. “Not that it really matters who screwed up first. I love Daddy, and I know Daddy loves me and you, pumpkin. Mommy just needs to make him understand that I love him so much, and I would never, ever hurt him. Without your daddy, I’d be…I’d be…” I began crying again.
Jesus Christ. What is with me and all the crying?
“I’m so tired, pumpkin, so very tired.”
I leaned my head back and decided I was just going to rest my eyes for one minute. I didn’t want to miss Scott when he came back.
As I slipped deeper and deeper into sleep, I began dreaming.
Scott and I were walking in a field, holding hands and laughing. I heard someone calling out my name. I tried to ignore the voice, but Scott kept looking back over his shoulder. I tried to keep him walking straight.
Ignore it, Scott. Please ignore it.
Scott turned around and made a funny face. As I spun around, I saw Trey walking up. He reached out and began pulling me away from Scott. I started pushing Trey away, but he kept pulling me harder and harder.
Don’t let go of me, Scott! Please don’t let go of me.
Before I knew what was happening, Scott was fading away, and I stood there, crying out his name, as Trey just smiled. I turned to look at Trey, and he smiled bigger.
He said, “I won.”
I opened my eyes quickly and sat up. I was sweating, but I was so cold. I shook my head to clear out the dream. Shit.