Without saying a word, Meagan sat down on the small outdoor couch and pulled her knees up to her chest.
Clearing my throat, I leaned against the railing to face her as I opened the letter.
Dear Meagan,
Please don’t be upset. I did a good job at hiding my pain, but I also tried, Meagan, I really did try and I need you to know that. It was too hard. I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere and when I did try to fit in . . . I wasn’t being myself.
No one really knows what it’s like to be lost within yourself until it’s too late. The
darkness is such a lonely place.
Meagan, you pulled me from that darkness for the longest time. You were the light that was pulling me out. But the darkness can have a terrible hold on you and slowly starts pulling you back in just when you thought you were finally escaping it. I’m so tired of trying to fight it.
Keep fighting for kids like me, Meagan. Teach others that their words really do hurt.
I’m so sorry, but this is the only way I can get out of the darkness that fills me. I wish I had been stronger for you and my family.
Forever your friend,
Mitchell
Glancing up, I expected to see Meagan crying. She sat with her chin resting on her knee as she wore a thoughtful expression.
“Meg?” She lifted her head and stared at me. “You okay?”
Her brows pinched together as she barely opened her mouth to speak. “I’m not sure.”
I dropped to my knees and got in front of her. “Talk to me.”
“When this first happened, the only question I had was why. I asked myself that same question over and over. What could I have done different for him? The other day when I saw him, he seemed so happy, but when I think back to it, I keep trying to think if I missed something. Did he say something to me that I missed? Did his eyes look sad or lost?”
“What have you come up with?”
Chewing on her lip, Meagan shook her head. “Nothing. He seemed like he was happy. I asked him about if he had talked to his mother about not wanting to become a cop. His emotions never faltered. He smiled and said he was planning to soon.”
I blew out a sigh as I shook my head. “What do you think he said in his mother’s note?”
Meagan shrugged. “I’m not sure. Sometimes, I think it’s best for the families not to have a note. Guilt is a powerful thing and one wrong thing said can play havoc on your emotions.”
I nodded in agreement. “I can understand that.”
Her legs dropped down as she looked into my eyes. “I’m going to miss him so much, but I’m not going to let his death be in vain. I never want to see this happen again, Gray. Ever. I also want the kids at his school to hear at least one part of that letter.”
I placed my hand on the side of her face. “You know I will always be here and support you in whatever you do.”
Her hand moved over mine as her eyes softened. It was the first time in days I saw something other than sadness in them.
“Thank you for that. You’ll never know how much you being by my side through all of this has meant to me. I love you, Gray. So much.”
My hand moved to the back of her neck as I pulled her lips closer to mine. Our kiss was slow and soft. The love I felt between us never ceased to amaze me. As our kiss broke, our foreheads rested against each other.
“I love you too, baby.”
I stood and pulled her up with me as we stood there for a few minutes holding each other.
The door opened and Amanda peeked out. “Dinner’s ready y’all.”
Meagan gazed up at me one more time as she smiled before turning and heading toward her mother.