“W-what?” Meagan asked with a disbelieving voice.
Mrs. Haus wiped a tear away before reaching into her purse and pulling out an envelope. Running her fingers over her son’s handwriting, she handed the letter to Meagan. “I’m going to miss him so much. I can’t help feeling like this is my all my fault.”
Meagan’s posture lifted as she dropped her arms and took a step toward Mitchell’s mother. “No, you cannot think like that. Mitchell was in a darkness that he felt he couldn’t get out of. We all wish we had seen the signs. There won’t be a day that goes by where I won’t ask myself if there was something more I could have done or said, but you cannot blame yourself.”
“I moved him from California. If I had just stayed there, he would have been with his friends and he wouldn’t have had to . . . to . . .” Her hands covered her mouth as she broke down crying.
Meagan engulfed Mrs. Haus in a hug and repeated how sorry she was. A young gentleman about twenty finally walked up and took Mrs. Haus in his arms and led her to a car.
We stood there for a few more minutes watching them drive away before Meagan turned and looked into my eyes. The sadness that filled them gutted me. I searched internally for answers on how to ease her pain but I kept coming up with nothing.
Glancing down at the letter, Meagan swallowed hard as she stared at it. “It’s not always a good thing when those who have commited suicide leave notes.”
“Why?” I asked.
Meagan swallowed hard. “It sometimes leaves you with more questions . . . or . . . more guilt.”
Her eyes lifted up to mine. “Gray, can we go back to your place?”
“Of course we can.”
She slowly handed me the letter. “Will you read it once we get there?”
My hand reached for the letter as I drew in a deep breath and placed my hand on her back while I guided her to the truck.
I prayed that Mitchell left some answers to the questions that were surely swimming in Meagan’s head.
The moment we walked into my apartment, Amanda went into full mom mode. “Why don’t you sit down in the living room with your father, Meg. Grayson can show me around his kitchen.”
Meagan walked a slow walk into the apartment and did as her mother said. Brad was right behind her as they both sat on the couch.
After setting the grocery bags down on the counter, I started showing Amanda where everything was.
I opened the doors to my kitchen island and showed her all the cookware I had. “My mother made sure I had plenty of things to cook with as you can see.”
Amanda chuckled as she grabbed two pots and put them on the stove. “This is perfect. I normally make homemade sauce, but we’ll let it slide this one time,” she said with a wink.
With a grin, I pulled out the whole-wheat spaghetti and jar of sauce from a bag while Amanda filled up the pot with water. I was comfortable around Amanda. She accepted me without hesitation, and I could see how close her and Meagan were.
Pulling myself back to reality. I took in a deep breath and slowly blew it out.
“Should I read her the letter now?” I asked as I peeked into the living room. Meagan was sitting next to her father with her head leaned against his shoulder as they watched television.
Amanda followed my stare as she placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Maybe it’s best to take care of it now.”
I reached into my back pocket and pulled the letter out as I walked into the living. I attempted to find my voice as I cleared the frog from my throat.
“Um, Meagan.”
Her beautiful blue eyes looked up into mine as she smiled. “Do you want to read Mitchell’s letter now?”
Meagan swung her legs over and stood up. Looking down to her father and then over to her mother, she wrung her hands together as she spoke. “Would y’all mind if we stepped outside onto the balcony while Gray reads the letter to me? I kind of feel like I need to hear it alone with him first.”
Brad stood and kissed Meagan on the forehead. “Of course, pumpkin. You do what you need to do. I’ll help your mom with the spaghetti.”
“Thank you, Dad.”
Meagan took my hand in hers as she turned and headed toward the double doors that led out to the balcony. It was unseasonably warm out today and the fresh air felt amazing as I dragged in a deep breath.