It was in that moment my stomach growled. I placed my hands over it and sheepishly looked away. Damn it all to hell. Pancakes sounded so good, and Dirk knew they were my favorite thing for breakfast. Correction, his pancakes were my favorite breakfast.
“I can make my own—”
He silenced me with one hard stare.
I looked away again and then slid onto a stool and watched as he moved about my kitchen. I didn’t want to think about how nice it was to have him here. I was too pissed off at him, and I really wanted to stay that way.
He moved with ease as he started the bacon and got to work on the pancakes. I was annoyed at myself because I was totally loving what I was seeing. Dirk in my kitchen, making me breakfast. Lord, the smell of his woodsy scent mixed with whatever type of soap he used nearly made me dizzy.
With a shake of my head, I internally cursed at myself. No, I wasn’t going to let him affect me. I was mad at him. So very mad. Not to mention, he’d made it very clear where we stood. There was no us, and there wasn’t going to be.
I cleared my throat and spoke as he went about frying up bacon and mixing the pancake batter. “I don’t normally skip meals; I need you to know that. It’s just that I wasn’t feeling well, and I guess I needed the sleep.”
He lifted his eyes and met mine. “Are you feeling okay now?”
I chewed on my lip and noticed his gaze flicker down to my mouth, then back up. “Yes. I was just so tired.”
He nodded and then looked away for a moment before fixing his stare on me once more. “I’m sorry, Merit. I’m so sorry I upset you yesterday. I tried calling you about an hour after you left. I must have called a hundred times.”
I pulled my brows in slightly and tilted my head at him. Was he actually worried? About me? “I turned off my phone.”
“I figured,” he said.
I let out a sigh. “The baby is fine, Dirk.”
It was his turn to frown. “It’s not just the baby, Bugs. I’m worried about you and the baby.”
My breath stalled in my throat. “Me?” I spoke on a barely there whisper.
“Why is that so hard for you to understand? Merit, we were once so close. You were…you were my best friend besides Brock and…”
His voice trailed off.
I finished for him. “And Kaci.”
Dirk looked back down at the pancake batter. “I’m tired of her coming between us, Bugs.”
My eyes stung, and I looked away. He was right. Maybe I needed therapy. Someone to talk to about these stupid emotions that still plagued me all these years later. After a few moments, I turned back to him. “How are Kaylee and the baby?”
That caused his head to jerk back up. His eyes changed, as well as his expression. He seemed lost for a moment, maybe in a memory, before he shook it off. “I guess they’re fine.”
“You guess?” I asked. “You haven’t seen them?”
“Not yet.”
I lifted my brows in surprise. “I figured you’d be over there all the time.”
He looked at me again. “No. Kaylee and Ty deserve this time together with their daughter.”
I slowly nodded. Then I wrung my hands in my lap, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I hated my insecurities so much. God, what was wrong with me?
“The reason I went on a bender was because I found out about you and the baby. It had nothing to do with Kaylee. She’s like a sister to me, that’s all.”
Our eyes locked, and I tried not to let him see how much his words impacted me. How they made my foolish jealousy seemingly disappear in an instant. It wasn’t really Kaylee I was jealous of—it was more the attention Dirk showered her with. Call me greedy, but I wanted that from him, no matter how much I told myself I didn’t. I missed our friendship.
Dirk was the one person I could talk to about anything. When I came home and found out about my father and his betrayal of my mother, Dirk was the first person I wanted to talk to. Just like when I was offered my first job, it was Dirk I had longed to call and tell. My first apartment, I had almost called him. All those times I had wanted to hear his voice, to see him. I had never truly allowed myself to heal after walking away from him that night. I had been walking away from the only best friend I’d ever truly had.
I broke our gaze and looked down at the bowl of batter. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the baby when I found out. It’s just, I found out the day of…well…”